How to start and keep a journal during a pandemic (or any time of major upheaval)

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Since the coronavirus started spreading through the U.S., I’ve seen a lot of people telling others that now is a good time to start and keep a journal. Which… sure, yes, if you want to!

When I was working on Dot Journaling, I read a ton of academic writing about diaries throughout history, and one of the things I learned is that people are drawn to keeping diaries during times of major change. (Also, fun [???] fact: when I went to Bookshop to search for Dot Journaling earlier today, I noticed a section called ā€œPerspective on Pandemicsā€ on the home page, and the first book listed was the diary of my arch nemesis, Samuel Pepys.) Journaling is also a good coping mechanism and way to process feelings. And when things are changing super quickly, formerly solid concepts like ā€œdays of the weekā€ seem utterly preposterous, and your brain feels overloaded and foggy, it’s safe to say that you’re probably not going to remember things as well as you might want to.  

That said, it’s hard to do much of anything right now, and journaling shouldn’t be another chore or source of stress during a highly stressful, chore-filled time. So with that in mind, I thought I’d share some low-key ideas for keeping a journal during a pandemic (or any bad time), if you’re so inclined.

Use whatever journal you have and will actually use.

Now is not the time to search for the perfect notebook; it’s the time to make do with what you have and will actually use—a notebook you bought but never used, a legal pad, a spiral notebook, Google Docs, an app, whatever. Make things as easy on yourself as possible right now. 

Simply save all of your to-do lists. 

A to-do list is usually a very good snapshot of what matters to you at a given time, and that’s definitely been true for me during our current situation. If you keep a separate work notebook and home notebook, it might not be a bad idea to combine them and just keep one (as so many of our work lives and home lives collapse into each other). And if you keep a single undated running task list, you might want to think about making new lists each day or week so you can add a date for context. 

Also think about adding things like Zoom calls with friends or nice things you’re planning to do at home to your to-do list; even if these don’t feel like tasks, they are still things you did and very much paint a picture of what your life is like right now. 

If a to-do list doesn’t seem like it ā€œcountsā€ as a journal/diary, consider that this is actually very much what diaries looked like until the late nineteenth century. It was only fairly recently that the more ā€œIā€ centric, ā€œhere are all my thoughts and feelingsā€ diaries became the predominant way we conceptualize diaries. Historical diaries actually looked a lot like dot journals, format-wise. (Also consider the fact that ā€œdiaryā€ is the word Brits use for what most of us in the U.S. would call an agenda or planner.) 

Save all of your receipts in one place or write down your purchases. 

Your to-do lists cover how you’re spending your time; it’s also a good idea to note how you’re spending your money. You could either add purchases as they happen to your to-do list each day, or keep a running list for the month on a separate page. 

Keep a recipe diary.

I got this idea from my friend Emily, an NYT Cooking editor; she said she got it from Jenny Rosenstrach, who has been keeping a recipe journal for 20+ years. By the way, it’s not too late to do this — Emily’s starts on 3/12, but she told me she put it together a few days ago ā€œbased on photos in my camera roll basically.ā€ (BTW, here’s how to search your camera roll by date.)

Just write down what a day in your life looks like right now. 

You can either do this in real time or do it later, writing out what an average day’s routine looks like right now. Make note of what time you’re getting up; what you do first, second, third, etc. each morning; and all the new chores that are a part of your daily life. You could also do this once a week or every few weeks to track how things are changing.

Remember that journaling doesn’t need to involve writing a lot of feelings in full sentences.

When I’m recapping my day in my journal, I use dashes to jot down quick notes instead of writing in full sentences. (I also keep the dash format if I want to do full sentences.) Doing it this way is way lower lift and basically removes the mental hurdle of ā€œUgh, I have to sit down and write.ā€  

If you just want to brain dump/cope, consider doing morning pages.

Here’s a guide I wrote about morning pages few years ago

If you want a lower-lift/less frequent option, you could email yourself or add to a Google Doc once a week. 

You could use a format similar to my weekly newsletter — what you read, cooked/ate, listened to, bought, watched, etc. And if you want to flesh out your email with more personal thoughts or notable moments from the week, you could do that too. 

Just put together one big March recap.

If you’re feeling like it’s too late to start keeping a journal, you could do one big entry for all of March. I actually did this the other night, using my Google calendar, planner/to-do lists, texts, and camera roll. I was able to date all the events that felt significant (for example, February 27 is the day my girlfriend listened to an episode of ā€œThe Dailyā€ that really scared her and so we started sanitizing our hands a ton when we were out in public) and a put together a pretty accurate record of how we (and our friends, and our workplaces) were thinking about the coronavirus and changing our behavior day-to-day throughout March.   

Be a teeny tiny bit less vague than you might naturally be. 

As someone who has kept diaries for 20 years, I can tell you that you won’t remember important context as well as you might think you will in a couple decades, even for things that feel super significant as they are happening. This isn’t a huge thing to worry about, but if you’re journaling with Future You or Future Historians in mind, I recommend it. You don’t necessarily have to write ā€œToday I read an article in the New York Times, a newspaper, which I accessed through the app (application) on my iPhoneā€... but you might want to do small things — like, say, add, ā€œ(neighbor)ā€ or ā€œ(restaurant)ā€ next to a person’s or business’s name.

Or don’t, if doing this is too much work and would stress you out!!! 

Remember that a journal or diary can look like anything.

Photos, texts, receipts, calendar invites, memes, tweets, articles, playlists, emails…these are all excellent records of what is happening in your life right now. You don’t have to start tagging stuff or make a huge effort to collect everything in a single place right now, but it’s not a bad idea to be a little more mindful of retention right now. Things that are dated and searchable, like your personal email or calendar, will be there in a few years, but think about what won’t be super easy to pull up later (like work emails or texts) and find a low-key way to save/find them. 

Know that nothing is too mundane or small to be recorded.

It’s easy to operate from the mindset that journaling is a Serious Endeavor, especially during a pandemic. I think that belief is mostly rooted in the parts of history — and the lives — that we’ve been taught to believe matter. 

But the things we do every day — the people we talk to, the things we eat and buy, the clothes we wear, the art and entertainment we consume, the traditions and rituals and routines and trends we create and take part in — aren’t background noise. They are, in large part, what life in a given culture at a specific time is. And no one can know, in the moment, what is going to be ā€œinterestingā€ in 10 or 20 or 30 years, or even what we’ll personally wish, a week from now, that we had recorded when we had the chance.

So if you think that the way you’re spending your days right now — FaceTiming, creating or acquiring masks, getting creative with beans, watching TikToks — doesn’t ā€œcountā€ or matter enough to be remembered, I would encourage you to let go of some of the biases that might be influencing your thinking. ā€œNormalā€ people’s experiences are extremely relevant to our understanding of history. But also, you don’t have to keep a diary for big picture reasons. You can just…do it for yourself, because you feel like it.

I’ll leave you with something Charlotte Forten GrimkĆ©, a black teacher and anti-slavery activist, wrote in her diary in May of 1854: 

ā€œA wish to record the passing events of my life, which, even if quite unimportant to others, naturally possess a great interest to myself, and of which it will be pleasant to have some remembrance, has induced me to commence this journal. I feel that keeping a diary will be pleasant and profitable employment of my leisure hours, and will afford me much pleasure in after years, by recalling to my mind the memories of other days, thoughts of much-loved friends from whom I may be separated, with whom I now pass many happy hours, in taking delightful walks, and holding ā€˜sweet converse’; the interesting books that I read; and the different people, places and things that I am permitted to see.ā€ āœØ

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Just Good Shit: 03.29.20

Just Good Shit: 03.22.20

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Hi, friends. Here’s what I was up to this week…

Writing

I also edited What to Do if You're Drinking Way More During Self-Isolation and was on WNYC’s All of It talking about WFH with roommates.

Reading

The Saddening, The Outline.

Here’s How to Get Your Loved Ones to Take Social Distancing Seriously, SELF.
Copy and paste scripts to send, courtesy of my friend Sally.

How Do I Deal With My Pandemic Guilt?, ”Hola Papi!.

Americans Coping With the Coronavirus Are Clogging Toilets, The New York Times.
C’mon, guys.

What Obligation Do We Owe Our Shitty Fathers As They Age?, MEL Magazine.

Tips For Playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Lifehacker.

Eating

This week, I made broccoli farro salad (a good WFH lunch, especially with a little tuna added) and spaghetti carbonara. Also, this list of America's Test Kitchen recipes for our current moment is a good resource!

Things to do

My friend Alanna made a Google Doc with tips for anyone who wants to get into knitting right now.

My coworker Amy Rose recommends Season 3, Episode 3 of Documentary Now (on Netflix), and I concur. Also, watching old seasons of Drag Race is bringing me so much joy right now.

These free activity pages from Adam JK are cute.

And if you are thinking of making masks for healthcare workers or yourself, this is worth a read.

Have a good Sunday. ✨


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These Instagram Live dance workouts are really helping me keep it together right now

I’ve been feeling periodically despondent over the past week, and am making an effort to cultivate joy as much as possible. I’ve also been vaguely aware of the fact that a workout would probably be a good idea right about now. My girlfriend recently came across Instagram Live dance classes/parties hosted by choreographer Ryan Heffington; they turned out the exact quarantine activity I was looking for.

Heffington is the owner of the LA fitness studio The Sweat Spot, which is closed for the foreseeable future. (At the end of each session, he puts out a call for Venmo and PayPal donations for Sweat Spot instructors who are now out of jobs.) The classes are super exuberant and fun — basically just moving your body to a great playlist (think: Robyn, Carly Rae Jepsen, ABBA) for 40 minutes.

I’m not a fan of complicated dance workouts or super intense workouts, so I was relieved by how doable these classes are, both in terms of the steps and the pace. The warmup involves some downward dogs and planks that I thought were harder than the actual workout, but the main part of the class is very easy/fairly unstructured/really low pressure. The hardest choreography you’ll encounter is a grapevine, and everything is so loose and chill that it’s hard to feel stressed if you’re not doing it quite right. The whole vibe is very ā€œdo what you can with what you’ve got.ā€

The classes only exist on IG Live right now, so you have to tune it at the scheduled time to dance along. (The next one will be Tuesday at 10 a.m. PT.) It works best to follow along on your phone, but if you want to do it on your computer, this Chrome plugin is helpful.

If you’re in need of a free/at-home/easy-access way to move your body and feel a tiny bit better, I think it’s worth following Ryan’s account/getting in on the next class. The workout itself is really uplifting, and there’s something extra special about knowing that 2,000+ people are dancing along with you. āš”ļø

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How to feed yourself when your appetite is non-existent

Image: Manki Kim via Unsplash

Image: Manki Kim via Unsplash

I’ve seen a few tweets in the past week that said something to the effect of, ā€œWow, I thought I was a stress eater but now I am simply no longer hungry????ā€ and each time, I was like, WELCOME. This happened to me a few years ago and it was legitimately shocking — before that, I sort of thought that forgetting to eat or not having an appetite was an urban legend, at least as it applied to me personally. Turns out, it’s not!

If you, too, have suddenly found that food has lost its appeal, or that you are forgetting to eat whole meals, or that certain foods make your stomach turn, you’re definitely not the only one. Here are some tips that helped me, and that might help you, too:

  1. Set reminders to eat.
    Without a commute or coworkers — or when super distracted by the news or a personal trauma — it’s really easy for morning to bleed into afternoon and 4 p.m. to become 9 p.m. without my really realizing it, so I’ve been relying on phone alarms in the past couple weeks to help me maintain a routine. The biggest struggle is lunch, but I’m doing my best; a noon reminder is actually quite helpful.

  2. Try to eat or drink something at meal times.
    It’s very easy to look at what you’d been planning to make for dinner, realize you have zero desire to eat it, and sort of shrug and give up and shuffle back to bed. But it’s a good idea to not totally give up, and instead think about what you can eat or drink in that moment. Maybe it’s just a banana, or some Graham crackers, or a cup of milk; that’s fine. It’s literally better than nothing!

  3. Look for shelf-stable items and frozen stuff.
    The big problem I had after losing my appetite was that I’d buy groceries like normal…and then the fresh stuff would go bad because I had no interest in fruit or vegetables or even meat. Given that fresh foods aren’t terribly easy to come by right now, you might already be doing this. But if not, remember that frozen broccoli, fish, bread, waffles, potatoes, and burritos exist. It’s always good to have the option for a decent full meal available should your appetite change suddenly.

Here are some fairly gentle meals to consider:

  • Toast! Toast with butter and cinnamon sugar + cozy tea is my favorite.

  • English muffins with PB (this once sustained me for…a while)

  • Simple quesadillas (tortillas + shredded cheese + sour cream and salsa on top)

  • Frozen pierogis with a little butter and sour cream

  • Frozen dumplings

  • Baked potatoes with butter and sour cream (add Annie’s canned chili on top for something more filling)

  • Annie’s macaroni & cheese

  • Old-fashioned (or instant) oatmeal with peanut butter and blueberries (thawed from frozen)

  • Spanish rice + black beans or pinto beans

  • Lemon butter pasta

  • Chickpea pasta

  • Soylent (I like the original flavor, personally)

Finally, remember that when you’re Dealing With Some Shit, it’s OK to eat the same things over and over and not really change up your diet much. Obviously a balanced diet is ideal in the long run, but during a high-stress time, your definition of ā€œhealthyā€ is simply going to change. If you simply can’t stand the thought of eating kale or salmon right now, that’s…fine. Eat whatever feels nourishing-ish and gives you the energy to get through your day, and trust that your appetite will return again eventually. ✨

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Just Good Shit: 03.15.20

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

It’s Sunday, and I’m writing my normal Sunday post, but things are not normal right now, and they aren’t going to be normal for a while. I know how hard it can be to admit or accept that, but...this is where we live now. We have no idea how long we’ll be here or what exactly it will look like.

What it will look like, of course, depends to some degree on how willing we are to admit that something we’ve left normal life behind. After several days of strictly only leaving the apartment to take my dog out, it’s been incredibly upsetting to see people posting Instagram stories about their weekend like nothing has changed, or claiming they are ā€œsocial distancingā€ā€¦with 10 other people, inside someone’s apartment or at a restaurant.

I don’t know how explain to you that you should care about other people…but I also don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about yourself. We’re all vulnerable. It can be incredibly difficult and overwhelming to admit that, but it’s also simply true, whether we admit it or not.

Admitting this wasn’t fun or easy for me. It’s not fun or easy for anyone! It all fucking sucks!! But…this is where we live now, until we don’t anymore.

Here’s what else I’ve got for you this week.

On the blog

Writing

I also edited If Your Aging Parents Are Ignoring Coronavirus Risks, You're Not Alone, and was on CNN on Saturday morning to talk about working from home.

Reading

Note: If you’re already sheltering in place/social distancing and feeling fairly anxious, you might not want to read a lot of the articles below — they will mostly be restating what you already know, and are pretty anxiety-inducing when consumed all at once. (You should read the one about managing your anxiety, though!) That said, these are probably good articles to share with friends and family who think you’re overreacting, or who are going about business as usual.

If you’re not social distancing but really, really could be, or are still wondering if you *really* have to cancel your birthday party or your trip to Vegas, I strongly urge you to read the links below. (And to stay home starting, like, now.)

Your Social Life Is Going on Hiatus, The Cut.

The Extraordinary Decisions Facing Italian Doctors, The Atlantic.

Why outbreaks like coronavirus spread exponentially, and how to ā€œflatten the curveā€, The Atlantic.

The U.S. Isn’t Ready for What’s About to Happen, The Atlantic.

Young and Unafraid of the Coronavirus Pandemic? Good for You. Now Stop Killing People, Newsweek.

ā€˜Mild’ May Not Mean What You Think It Means, The Cut.

ā€œCases classified as ā€˜mild’ by doctors in China include those that develop into pneumonia, and ā€˜severe’ means needing machine-assisted breathing.ā€

Please Just Stay Home!, The Cut.
ā€œWhy am I stressing, in this moment, about wanting a chocolate chip cookie? I’ll have one eventually. And then, at that time, I’ll have it.ā€

A coronavirus cautionary tale from Italy: Don’t do what we did, Boston Globe.

ā€˜It Feels Like a Pause’, The Cut.
What life is like in Italy right now — a couple weeks after people didn’t take COVID-19 seriously.

The Coronavirus Customer-Service Crisis, The Atlantic.

Visiting My Sick Mom Could Put Her Life at Greater Risk. But How Many More Times Will I Get to See Her?, Time.

How Millennials Are Talking To Their Boomer Relatives About The Coronavirus, BuzzFeed News.

Stocking Up Is Impossible When You Lack Enough for Today: Food Banks Struggle as Coronavirus Crisis Intensifies, The Kitchn.

How You Should Get Food During the Pandemic, The Atlantic.

Your New Hobby is Push-Ups, The Cut.

What to Do If Your Anxiety About Coronavirus Feels Overwhelming, SELF.

Don’t Panic: Notes on a Pandemic, John Gorman on Medium.

Donating

This week, I donated to the Food Bank for New York City and Ali Fortney Center, which provides critical services to homeless LGBTQ youth, and which will remain open during the crisis. We’re also buying gift cards and merch from our favorite local restaurants to send dollars their way. If you can afford to be helpful (via cash, time, or other resources) and there’s a local organization or business that needs support, now is the time.

Have a good Sunday. šŸ’›


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Just a bunch of gentle ways to entertain yourself without leaving your home

Image: Jonathan Howard Kemp via Unsplash

Image: Jonathan Howard Kemp via Unsplash

Hi, friends. Things feel pretty scary right now, and once you’ve had your fill of the day’s (or hour’s) news, you might find yourself with a lot of time on your hands and no idea how to fill it… and that boredom and anxiety can make going out very tempting. (BTW, if you’re not self-isolating yet but really could be, read Your Social Life Is Going on Hiatus and all the links within.)

With that in mind, I put together a list of things to occupy your mind and time for the next little while. (And I’ll update it if/when I think of other ideas!) I hope something on here will be just the thing you were looking for.

To read

The best things I’ve written and edited over the years

The best things I read and wrote in 2019

Old BuzzFeed posts from my team: Terri Pous, Tom Vellner, Anna Borges, and Gyan Yankovich. (And me!)

My Goodreads profile (note: I was adding pretty haphazardly prior to 2019)

Reading list: Pride edition

Just good summer reading

My favorite Ask a Manager posts

PSA: You can check out e-books from your local library through the Libby app.

This also seems like a great time to pick up Elin Hildebrand novels!

To listen to

Here are my all-time favorite podcast episodes

More playlists to have on for background noise, including a new one for March + bonus fun bops

To watch

Jane the Virgin

Cheer

Black Mirror (Just ā€œSan Juniperoā€ and ā€œNosediveā€ for now)

Our Planet (because Netflix pulled Planet Earth recently)

Ken Burns’ Prohibition

Steven Universe: The Movie

Homecoming: A Film by BeyoncƩ

Pen15

Nailed It

Jeopardy!

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

I Love Lucy

Are You the One? Season 8 (It’ll repair some of the rot caused by Love Is Blind)

RuPaul’s Drag Race

Feel Good on Netflix

To do*

*As long as you already possess the necessary supplies/ingredients

Make delicious use of all your beans and pasta. (Related: Chickpea pasta, lemon butter pasta, and simple recipes to make when your life is in shambles.)

Make friendship bracelets. Also consider this list of creative hobbies to try when everything is awful and you're not okay.

Pour your anxious energy into a tiny home project that will leave you feeling accomplished.

Use YouTube tutorials to teach yourself music video choreography.

Try Yoga with Adriene or a Ryan Heffington IG Live dance class.

Do a puzzle.

Get on the Marco Polo app — it’s a fun/easy way to keep in touch.

Read How to Solve The New York Times Crossword, download the app, and try your first Monday puzzle. (Tip: Doing all the old Monday and Tuesday puzzles in the archives is a great way to get better very quickly.)

Make friendship bracelets. Also consider this list of creative hobbies to try when everything is awful and you're not okay.

Journal daily.

Create DIY/art projects/collages with whatever supplies you have! I’m probably going to dust off my Cricut at some point this weekend and make weird/silly shit with it, and/or make a zine.

Be a good neighbor.

And remember to call/FaceTime friends and family to stay connected, especially if you (or they!) live alone — it really does help! šŸ’›

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Just Good Bops: March

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

What do you play during a national emergency? I don’t know exactly — I started creating a new March playlist a little over two weeks ago, which might as well be an entire lifetime ago at this point. But what I do know is that the process of hunting down new (or new to me) tracks has always been a meditative activity for me, and listening to music makes me feel better. Because I’ve canceled all social engagements, anything I can do to keep myself busy indoors right now is extremely welcome.

I also know that the best I’ve felt in the past week was this morning, when I threw on Valerie by Steve Winwood. I was genuinely surprised by how quickly my anxious puttering turned into unabashedly silly dancing. It was fun and provided the laugh we desperately needed.

So, I’m sharing two playlists today — one to put on in the background, and a second one to get up and dance to. I hope listening to them will ease your mind as much as curating them for you eased mine.

(And here’s the usual disclaimer! I’ve never been good at curating a playlist that ebbs and flows in just the right way, so just throw this shit on shuffle and have a good time.)


Just Good Bops: March 2020

This one’s packed with lots of new releases (and one song from 1996, for good measure).

I would also recommend spending a little extra time with the following albums:

  • Immunity, Clairo

  • La vita nuovo, Christine and the Queens

  • Fine Line, Harry Styles.
    I must say, I’m really surprised by how much I’ve enjoyed this album. It’s not exactly groundbreaking — it’s like an extremely watered down version of Fleetwood Mac or David Bowie — but sometimes it’s nice to put something on that just feels…uncomplicated.

Just Fun Bops

This is an adapted version of a ā€œmorning bopsā€ playlist I made a year and a half ago. I’m not a morning person, but I found that listening to some upbeat music first thing helped wake me up, and get me excited for the day ahead. And when the day ahead involves existing within the same four walls, why not wiggle around, belt some lyrics, and try to have a little fun?

Pro tip: Most of these songs double as excellent karaoke songs. But please, I’m fucking begging you, do NOT go to karaoke right now. We’ll have karaoke again eventually. šŸŽ§

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How to wear white clothes year-round without completely ruining them

The question I get asked most often — just after ā€œWhat race are you?ā€ by total strangers in public!!! — is ā€œHow do you wear white clothes all the time without ruining them?ā€ It’s true that I have a well-documented affinity for white and pastels; not only do I wear white jeans or pants year-round, I also have all white bedding and towels, and have owned an ivory couch for four years. 

I’m actually not immune to spills and stains; I’ve had a few Huge Incidents over the past five years. But keeping my stuff relatively clean is important to me because I don’t want to waste money (or…waste clothing) so I put some effort into it. I think a smallish amount of practical planning and knowledge goes a long way, and that luck has done the rest. 

Anyway, for those who have asked me what my ā€œsecretā€ is...here you go! 

  1. Maybe start by wearing inexpensive items you don’t care as much about.
    I’m not a huge fan of buying things you view as disposable or plan to replace in short order, but I also think it makes sense to test things out a bit before committing to an expensive version of them. If you’re worried about ruining white jeans, for example, you could get a pair from a thrift store or clothing swap and see how you fare using some of the tips below. Over time, you might feel confident enough to start buying nicer/more expensive stuff.  

  2. Wait to get dressed until right before you leave the house.
    If you’re wearing white clothes around the house while you get ready in the morning, the likelihood that you’ll spill makeup, toothpaste, or coffee on them is high. I always take Chuck out before I get dressed for the day, and try to minimize my at-home exposure to food, dirt, coffee, etc. when I’m wearing white. 

  3. Avoid wearing white on rainy days. 
    I actually don’t abide by this tip most the time, but if you’ve only got a few white items in rotation, save them for dry days! Mud/dirt/dirty water droplets are bar far the biggest offender I’ve come across — far bigger than blood or food or coffee. 

  4. Be strategic with your outerwear/layers.
    If you’re going to wear a coat, wear a coat that covers your ass vs. a jacket that does not! This will come in handy when you’re, say, sitting on a park bench. 

    I know that Jean Wang of the blog Extra Petite once suggested tying a lightweight jacket around your waist before sitting on a park bench or outdoor cafe, a tip that I’ve never personally used, but that seems like it would work. You could also set down an inexpensive blanket/scarf or something to that effect. 

  5. Put napkins on your lap when you’re eating. 
    This one is so simple but really does make a difference. And don’t just put one tiny napkin on your lap; open a few and spread them out a bit. 

  6. Actually look at your clothes after you take them off/before washing them.
    I don’t bust out a magnifying glass to inspect every item I own after I wear it, but I do do a quick scan after I take something off, before I wash it, and/or before I wear it again without washing it first. In my experience, most stains or just general clothing grossness happens without my even realizing it, especially in spots that are hard to see when the clothes are on your body. (The waistband of jeans/pants and then the first few inches of the hem are the two prime spots, in my experience.)

    If you don’t realize the stains are there, you’re likely to skip treating them before you do laundry, and then toss the item in the dryer, thus baking the stain in for good. So making a point to handle and look over your clothes for an extra 10 seconds goes a long way. 

  7. Be aware of your body in space.
    This one is harder to explain, or perhaps to train yourself to do, but I feel fairly aware of what I’m doing with my body when I’m wearing white. So that means I do things like…

    - Sitting close enough to a table where I’m eating, so that less of my bottom half/lap is exposed 
    - Carrying my mug of coffee at a slightly larger distance from my body than I would otherwise, so that if it does slosh over the side, it’s less likely to land on me/my clothes
    - Avoiding overfilling mugs of coffee/tea
    - Slowing down when I’m turning a corner, to give other people time to see me
    - Looking at seats/surfaces before I sit on them to make sure they are clean
    - Paying attention to what I’m eating/drinking while I’m consuming it (i.e., I try not to consume while super distracted by a book or a coffee)

    This stuff may seem overly fussy, but I think it’s pretty imperceptible to other people, and it probably makes the biggest difference. It’s also not like I’m constantly weighed down by thoughts about this stuff; a lot of it is just second-nature now, and even when it wasn’t, I didn’t find it stressful or tiring.  

  8. Use a period tracker app. 
    Many a human who bleeds regularly (or irregularly) has asked me how I deal with my period and white clothes. The biggest thing I do is track my periods. Of course, it’s not a perfect science, but it does at least tell me generally when to expect it, which then means I can plan accordingly. In this case, plan accordingly might actually mean ā€œwear a pad just in caseā€ which is fine — I’d much rather do that than ruin my favorite white dress. 

    I also don’t mind using a pad as a backup when wearing a tampon on some days, and on more than one occasion, I’ve been glad that I did. 

  9. Wear an apron.
    I’ve preferred cooking in an apron for years; to me, it’s just more comfortable and practical than not. (And aprons typically have pockets!!) I will also put an apron on when doing dishes after a meal, or when mixing drinks — activities that have a fairly high potential for splashing/staining.

  10. Treat stains right away, and treat them often.
    I’m pretty dogged when it comes to getting stains out. (Related: my two favorite stain removers.) One example: Last fall, I went to a work event where we were given red ā€œadmit oneā€ drink tickets. I left one in the back pocket of my white Levi’s, and then later put the jeans through the wash. When I pulled the jeans out of the washing machine, it looked like a tube of lipstick had been smashed in the pocket. Levi’s had stopped selling the jeans (and they were fairly expensive to begin with) so I extra committed to getting the stain out. It took a couple weeks of a cycle of treating the spot, letting the treatment sit, and washing the jeans in cold water before the stain finally let up enough to be able to wear them again. (I actually gave up when it was about 90% there, and it surprised me by coming the final 10% of the way in the subsequent weeks.) 

    Getting a stain out of fabric is sort of a fun challenge to me at this point, but I actually don’t think you need to be that aggressive about stains (more on that in a second). That said, I think a lot of people don’t try very hard, or at all — they toss the item in the laundry and wash it with hot water without treating it first, or they give the stain a bunch of time to set before they bother treating it, and then feel like, Welp, I just suck at laundry and wearing white. So I think it’s important to know how to treat stains and to own the tools to do so. Treat them as well as you can, as soon as you can, and give it your best shot.

     

  11. But also…make peace with stains!
    I long ago just sort of accepted that spills and stains are a part of life, and that trying to prevent them or remove every trace of them is an exercise in futility. That’s why I eventually gave up when the Levi’s were most of the way there; the main reason I kept at it in that case was that the pants were pretty unwearable, and I want to avoid getting rid of/replacing stuff as much as possible. 

    That said, I don’t really take stains personally, and I think that’s important. Spilling something on yourself doesn’t make you clumsy or ā€œnot an adult,ā€ and wearing something that has a spot on it isn’t that big of a deal. I know this because I continue to wear clothes that have tiny spots/stains that I am very aware of, and people still always ask me how I keep my white stuff so clean.

I’ll leave you with some advice from Cheryl Mendelson, who offered advice in Home Comforts that I’ve really taken to heart: ā€œIf a beautiful object has a tiny flaw, some people do not notice it and others notice nothing else. In dealing with stains, the most important skill you can acquire is the ability not to be bothered by small imperfections that you cannot fix. … Stains are not dirt; they are inadvertent dyeings. While dirt should continue to arouse your fighting spirit, it is perfectly all right to surrender to insignificant stains.ā€ ✨

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An ode to my two favorite stain removers

Green Spray ā€˜n Wash stick on a blue color block blanket background

Look, I’m not trying to make enemies in the laundry industry, but when it comes to stain treatment, I think T*de pens are very much a scam. As my coworker recently said, they offer the illusion of preparedness, and not much else. As a lover of white clothes and bedding, I swear by two other products: OxiClean stain remover spray and Spray ā€˜n Wash sticks.

I have only had a handful of Major Incidents with regard to white fabric. The fist time it happened, I had just gotten brand-new white flannel sheets and a cozy white cotton blanket for my bed. Washing all of these items before using them is a task in NYC, and I was thrilled to finally have them on my bed because my apartment was very cold.


The first night I slept on them, I woke up feeling great. And also like my face was…wet? I was sitting up in bed when I touched my nose, and then looked down at my hand and realized I had my first-ever bloody nose. A beat later, basically in slow motion, I watched big, fat crimson blood drops fall from my face and land on the fitted sheet, top sheet, and blanket. Every single component of the bedding was hit.

Luckily enough, I had just read Home Comforts, where I had learned that you should use an enzyme-based cleaner on organic and protein-based stains, and I had — after realizing that I didn’t own an enzyme cleaner — ordered some OxiClean spray, which was now sitting in my closet. So I stripped my bed, while feeling pretty certain that my sheets and blanket were going to be forever marred by this. I made peace with that, but I treated them with the Oxi, let them soak in cold water, and then rinsed them… and the stains completely disappeared

I was sold.

The second Major Incident happened at work. A visitor to the BuzzFeed office got in the down elevator with me on the 16th floor; she was carrying a lidless travel cup of coffee, and when the elevator stopped on my floor, she thought we had reached the lobby. She stepped out, realized her mistake, went to turn around to get back on the elevator, and was startled by my presence right behind her. She jolted, THROWING her coffee all over my white jeans in the process.

Looking at the fist-sized stain on my thigh, I knew what I had to do: marched to the CVS across the street from my office, bought a big bottle of Oxi spray, went to the single-stall bathroom, stripped off my Bean boots, the socks my jeans were tucked into, and jeans; treated the stain with the Oxi; and then rinsed everything out in the sink. Despite the fact that my jeans were very wet — it looked like I’d pissed myself — the stain was basically gone.

So, yes, I’m an OxiClean stan; it works great for everything, generally speaking. However, I’ve recently added the Spray ā€˜n Wash stick to my toolkit; I discovered it via my girlfriend, and was pleasantly surprised by how effective it is. It even got a faint coffee stain that was years old and that I’d simply given up on out of a beloved white dress. I’ve used it on other smaller stains (grease, food, even other blood drops) and it’s worked well every time.

I now go between the two, depending on the stain, and strongly recommend having both around! The Spray ā€˜n Wash is small and won’t leak — despite the name, it’s not a spray at all, but a waxy deodorant-esque stick ā€š so it’s a good one to keep it in your desk/bag/locker. (I’ve also used the OxiClean gel stick, and while I think it’s fine, I ultimately prefer the spray…but to each their own!)

Regardless of which you choose, you can definitely be done with T*de pens once and for all.

Get everything from Amazon: a pack of three Spray ā€˜n Wash sticks for $10.86, a three-pack of OxiClean spray for $16.90, and Home Comforts for $13.59.

Related: How to wear white clothes year-round without completely ruining them. šŸ’¦

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