Just Good Shit: 03.08.20

Hello! Here are this week’s highlights…

Editing

Reading

How hard will the robots make us work?, The Verge.

How Pandemics Change History, The New Yorker.

My dad, the Joe Biden voter, The Outline.

The Deification of the Older Black Voter, Jezebel.

The Horrifying Things I’ve Seen as an Office Manager in Silicon Valley, The Bold Italic.

BYU Is Trying to Force Queer Students Back Into the Closet, VICE.

The ‘Rage Baking’ Controversy, Explained, Eater.

#1256: Boundaries and parenting, when the adult child might be the problem, Captain Awkward.

How to Deal With a Quarantine If You're Struggling Emotionally, Lifehacker.
TIL the difference between quarantine and home isolation.

“Love Is Blind” Is Basically a Lesbian Reality Show for Straight People — and I Can’t Get Enough of It, Autostraddle.

Watching & listening to

On Friday night, I knew I wanted to watch something, and I had a very specific thing in mind: I wanted something with really soothing, beautiful animation; with a Nosedive-esque palette; with a nice, gentle story; and preferably gay. After a lot of Googling, I settled on Steven Universe the Movie, which could not have been more perfect. I had never seen the show before, which was completely fine. (Reading this post was helpful, but I think you’d be fine without it.) The music is great, the visuals are gorgeous, and the vibe is really sweet and wholesome. Highly recommend.

Also, the new Reply All episode “The Case of the Missing Hit” is so, so good!

Have a great Sunday! ☀️

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Just Good Shit: 03.01.20

Hello and happy March! Here’s what I had going on this week…

On the blog

cozy :) house :) shoes :)

Writing

What to Do When Your Friend's Partner Has a Terrible Personality

Reading

This week, I read The Sum of Small Things: A Theory of the Aspirational Class, which was fine! It was fairly academic and fairly interesting.

Also:

‘You Believe He’s Lying?’, The Cut.

The Biggest Mormon School in the US Now Says Queer Students Can Touch—Maybe, VICE.

How our solo homes became cocoons, Curbed.

“I Fail Almost Every Day”: An Interview with Samin Nosrat, The New Yorker.

Starbucks: A reconsideration, Vox.

How Not to Care When People Don't Like You, Lifehacker.

Here’s What You, Personally, Should Do About Coronavirus, VICE.

Preparing for Coronavirus to Strike the U.S., Scientific American.

When Did Snacking Become So...Bleak?, Bon Appétit.

Love Is Blind Leads Us Into the Dark, Vanity Fair.

A Royal Instagram Mystery, The New York Times.
So good!

Good advice

I got a helpful email from a reader named Meleyna last week after I mentioned that the noodles in the soup I made absorbed all the broth: “General advice when making soup with noodles/rice/etc: cook it separately and add it to your individual bowl when serving. Store them in their own containers if you’re eating for the the week. You can also freeze extra soup base, defrost, and boil fresh noodles down the line. Bc imo the whole point of soup is leftovers!”

Huge “oh yeah, duh!” moment on my part. I do this with lasagna soup already, and don’t know why I didn’t think of doing it in this instance!

Have a great Sunday! ✨

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cozy :) house :) shoes :)

If you want to feel extra cozy when tooling around town or doing chores at home, might I suggest these cozy shearling slip-ons? They are vegan, come in black shearling, and cost $12.50 at Wal-mart (on sale from $35).

I feel like they’re good for anyone who loves Jenni Kayne but doesn’t have Jenni Kayne money.

Speaking of my clog wishlist, I’m very into these muted Birks, and I love these Calzuro clogs for summer! (While this look isn’t my personal style, it’s very cute.) ☁️

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Just Good Shit: 02.23.20

Hi! Here’s what I was up to this week…

On the blog

If you want to get a piercing in NYC/Brooklyn, go to So Gold Studios in Williamsburg

Editing

What to Do If You're Worried About Never Having Been in a Relationship

Reading

This week, I read You Never Forget Your First: A Biography of George Washington, which I…did not love! I definitely learned some new things from it, but I really struggled to get through it. There were several instances where the author didn’t fully define relevant/important references, so I didn’t understand what was going on. There were also a lot of sentences that were were really hard to parse (even though the language was fairly casual), and could have been written/edited differently. It’s one to get from the library, IMO. (And/or just read the excellent Destiny of the Republic instead!!)

Also:

The Golden Age of White Collar Crime, The Highline / HuffPost.

6 People Describe Being Stopped and Frisked When Bloomberg Was Mayor of NYC, VICE.

Why Are Workers Struggling? Because Labor Law Is Broken, The New York Times.

The Princess, the Plantfluencers, and the Pink Congo Scam, Wired.

This Brand is Late Capitalism, The Baffler.

Announcement: Saturday Spirals Are the New Sunday Scaries, Man Repeller.

I Tried Not to Cum While Playing the Adult Games Advertised on Pornhub, VICE.

Always Buy Lemons, Lifehacker.

Cooking

I made Lindsay Hunt’s from-scratch chicken broth and chicken noodle soup this week; it’s really good. One note: the noodles absorb ALL the broth so it doesn’t make for great leftovers; if you’re not feeding a lot of people, you should probably make the full batch of broth, but then halve the the main recipe or make it in two batches on two different days so you can eat it immediately. But it was very good and I want to try the ramen recipe next.

Book stuff

My publisher is doing an Art of Showing Up giveaway on Goodreads! It runs until March 4, 2020, and anyone with a Goodreads account is eligible. You can enter here.

Have a great Sunday! ☀️

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If you want to get a piercing in NYC/Brooklyn, go to So Gold Studios in Williamsburg

It seems like everyone I know is getting second (or third, or fourth) ear piercings lately, an observation that Cosmo recently validated. If you’re in the market for a new piercing in the NYC/Brooklyn area, I can’t recommend So Gold Studios enough! I got a conch piercing last month, and was really happy with the experience.

So Gold Studios is a one-woman shop in Williamsburg that opened last summer. The owner, Cassi Lopez-March, has been piercing for ~17 years (she worked at New York Adorned for like a decade before opening her own place) and she really knows her shit. The studio is teeny, and really cozy while also being extremely sterile/surgical (so… exactly what I want in a piercing studio).

The jewelry is fairly pricey because all the stones/diamonds are real, but you we-use the jewelry you’ve already purchased if you get another piercing from her later. (So, after my current piercing heals, I can use this same earring to get a new piercing in a different spot, and I’ll only have to pay for the piercing itself, which is $40.) I definitely felt like the service matched the overall higher price point of the trip — we had a private appointment; got to take our sweet time picking out jewelry (which is important because it’s expensive and you’re going to be wearing it every day for a while); were able to be very fussy about the exact placement of each piercing; and I didn’t feel rushed through in any way.

I also feel really good about my aftercare; I’ve been doing exactly as Cassi instructed — cleaning it with 0.9% sodium chloride sterile saline wound wash twice daily and taking the time to pat it dry afterward — and my piercing looks and feels great.

Cassi said most of her clients are repeat customers, which makes sense to me both in general in terms of body art, and also with regard to her specifically. She was just great; after I left I had a feeling of “Obviously I will only ever get pierced by Cassi for the rest of my life” and I immediately wanted to recommend her to all my friends (hello). I am definitely planning to go back in a few months. (I love this earscape and am on my way to something sort of like it.)

A few people have asked me if the conch piercing hurt a lot, and the answer is… it hurt exactly as much as you’d think it would? Like, it feels just like you’d imagine someone pushing a needle through a thick part of your ear would feel — no more, no less. For about a week after my appointment, it was fairly sensitive; I couldn’t sleep on my left side, and it would hurt a lot if, say, I bumped it with my glasses or while doing my hair. And then after a week it simply stopped hurting entirely! (This experience is extremely similar to what I’ve heard from friends who have recently gotten new ear piercings.) But it was fine/worth it and I’m ultimately really happy with it!

By the way, if you want some general ear piercing inspo, here are a few good IG accounts to look to: Maria Tash, Studs, Pamela Love, and So Gold Studios.

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Just Good Shit: 02.16.20

Hi! This week was a busy one — my team at work was cranking out a big Valentine’s Day package, and The Art of Showing Up went to print. Here’s everything I was up to…

On the blog

Last-minute Valentine's Day gift ideas for the discerning but procrastinating drugstore shopper

Writing

Editing

I also had a big hand in several other Change of Heart articles!

Reading

Reddit’s Female Dating Strategy offers women advice — and a strict rulebook for how to act, The Verge.

Fashion Week Is Simply Not Sustainable, The Cut.

Lori Gottlieb's Marry Him Was Always a Caricature of the Petty, Shallow Woman, Jezebel.

The Original Renegade, The New York Times.

Tinder’s Most Notorious Men, The Atlantic.

Everyone at work is hanging out without me, Ask a Manager.

Try Out a New Accessory Away From Your Friends, Lifehacker.

I Don’t Go to Spin Class for My Ears to Bleed, Yet Here We Are, The Cut.

Watching

This week, I saw Portrait of a Lady on Fire, which is beautifully shot and feels like a cross between Call Me By Your Name and Titanic. I also watched The Long Shot, which is pretty silly and funny, as far as rom coms go.

Have a great Sunday! 💕

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Last-minute Valentine's Day gift ideas for the discerning but procrastinating drugstore shopper

To my girlfriend: stop reading right now.

Everyone else: hello.

So, it’s Valentine’s Day Eve (Valentine’s Day Jr. as we say around here) and perhaps you are feeling a bit worried that your Valentine’s Day gift/plans for your partner are not very exciting. Maybe they are even nonexistent! Not to worry — you can still pull this off. Even if you’re reading this on Valentine’s Day, I think you can still pull it off.

If you’re looking for last-minute gift ideas, surprises, or ways to make the day special, and are working with an “uhhh what’s available at Walgreens or the grocery store??” sort of timeline, here are some tips to keep in mind.

Embrace the classics.
Chocolate/candy, flowers, underwear, love letters, romantic movies, love songs, lasagna, wine… these are all nice things! It’s perfectly OK to lean into the things that Valentine’s Day is known for; there’s no need to reinvent the wheel! As long as you’re shopping/planning a date with real intention, choosing things that you think your partner will actually appreciate, and not taking things too seriously, clichés are fine and good.
Lean into the kitsch—like, really lean into it.
Here’s a tip for a great drugstore Valentine’s Day gift: if you must buy something kind of kitschy, buy the absolute largest version of it you can find. A regular heart-shaped balloon? Fine. Nothing wrong with that! A HUGE heart-shaped balloon? Fucking amazing, Several huge heart-shaped balloons? An apartment full of them??? Now we’re talking!!! Going for oversized kitschy items or multiples of kitschy items is silly and memorable and even impressive (buy out Trader Joe’s entire stock of bouquets, I dare you!!!) and I’m extremely here for it.
Consider that fairly small/simple items in Valentine’s Day colors can feel special, especially as part of a bigger gift.
As you comb the aisles at CVS or do a power-lap through the mall, keep this fact in mind. There’s something about, say, really red socks or a really pink phone charger that makes them feel like a Valentine’s Day Gift in a way that yellow socks or turquoise charger would not. When you’re doing your last-minute shop, look for small, on-theme items (like a sharp red Moleskine or a beautiful rosy hoodie) that you can combine with a consumable (flowers, a nice bottle of wine, etc.) to create a really nice gift.
Related: look for solid-colored pink, red, lavender, or white wrapping, trimmings, etc.
Sometimes, the offering of, say, Valentine’s Day gift bags won’t be kitschy enough to feel fun/intentionally corny, and instead will feel kind of sad. In that case, check out the regular gift wrap section, where you’ll likely be able to find plain bags, tissue paper, and ribbons in traditional Valentine’s Day colors that will ultimately look nicer and more considered.
Toss/swap any packaging that looks cheap.
If you don’t want it to look like you just went to the drugstore to buy a gift, get rid of the evidence that proves you just went to the drugstore to buy a gift! That might mean cutting the clear plastic wrap off of store bought flowers and re-wrapping them in a solid color tissue paper, kraft paper, or even newsprint, or removing other packaging that’s not particularly cute/pretty.
Don’t sleep on bookstores.
A lot of bookstores have a game/puzzle section, where you might find something fun/cute/fairly unexpected that your partner will like. They also tend to just be well-curated for gift giving in general (bonus: you can buy a card while you’re there) and are worth checking out if there’s one that’s not too out of your way.
Consider the homemade coupon.
I’m always surprised by how much people love receiving homemade coupons for things like, say, a foot rub or taking the dog out. If you think your partner would be into something like this, here are some Valentine's Day coupons that Terri came up with a few years ago that are very cute! (FYI, the printable versions took a while to load for me, but they popped up eventually.) The more personal/specific the coupons are to your partner and your relationship, the more meaningful and fun they gift will be.
Always give a card or letter.
Love letters are sweet and good and basically free. If you’re not sure what to say or are worried that you’re not a good enough writer, these tips from an expert I talked to a few years ago might be helpful. And if you’re at a loss for words or intimidated by the blank page, embrace the humble list. (“Things I like about you” really never goes out of style.)

Finally, this all might seem like a lot of fuss for “a Hallmark holiday” and I suppose it is. But demonstrable, undeniable effort is meaningful to a lot of people, even if the reasons behind the gift or card are fairly arbitrary or driven by capitalism. If Valentine’s Day is your partner’s love language—and it is a lot of people’s, whether you like it or understand it or not—you should try to show up for them. Yes, you might already show your love for them all the other days of the year… but if that’s the case, why not also show your love for them on the day when they’d really like you to do so? Love and connection is rare, life is short, and making sure your people know exactly how much they mean to you is pretty much always a good idea. 💘

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Just Good Shit: 02.09.20

Hi! Here’s what I had going on this week…

On the blog

The girlfriend hoodie

Reading

Yesterday I read Such a Fun Age. It’s very breezy, but still sharp—it felt a bit like reading Elin Hildebrand, if Elin Hildebrand was a black millennial. I’m not sure if I liked it/if it was “good”/how I feel about Reese Witherspoon loving it, but I also don’t regret reading it, if that makes sense!

Also:

The Very Real Mental Ramifications of Extremely Long Elections, VICE.

How to Make the Oscars Relevant Again, The New Yorker.

When ‘Representation Matters’ Becomes a Meaningless Rallying Cry, Vulture.

Who wants a teddy bear for Valentine’s Day?, Vox.

When Buying in Bulk Is a Mistake, NY Mag.

Watching

Baited / White Bosses with Ziwe, Heben Nigatu, and Josh Gondelman had me rolling. And I watched Sorry to Bother You and the first episode of McMillions, both of which I loved.

Have a great Sunday! 💘

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The girlfriend hoodie

It’s cozy season, so it seems like a good time to plug the Gap Vintage Soft Carbonized Pullover Hoodie, which I’m a big fan of. It’s super soft and just the right weight; the creamy color is perfect; the fit is great (not too baggy/bulky, but not too slim either); it’s held up well in the wash; and it looks fairly polished. I am not really a hoodie person, but I love this sweatshirt.

It’s technically a men’s hoodie—my friend Devin owns two in black (“and that’s not even enough” he told me), and it looks great on him too. But my girlfriend was actually the one who first discovered it; she bought it for herself right before Valentine’s Day last year…in part, she said, because she knew I’d like it on her. She was right; I liked it so much that I bought one for myself! We now have four of them between us. (There was a sale, and having a backup of a beloved item is just practical!!!) My favorite way to wear it is with white Lou & Grey soft pants and cozy socks, or with white or blue Levi’s.

Vintage Soft Carbonized Pullover Hoodie.png

Thinking about this hoodie, the other clothes I’ve discovered via my girlfriend, and the items from the men’s department that I own and love, I was reminded of the 2016 Racked article “The Presumptions of ‘Boyfriend’ Clothes”:

“The idea that men and women are supposed to be certain sizes in relation and proportion to one another is reinforced by boyfriend clothing. Images of heterosexual relationships almost invariably show a woman so small she is swallowed up by her boyfriend’s clothes. All my life I’ve worked to shake the idea that my relationships don’t count because they have not looked like this. But what the boyfriend shirt is selling is that very idea, love defined by comparative body size.

Women wear, and always have worn, masculine clothing for myriad reasons, reasons to do with identity and reasons that have nothing to do with identity, reasons to do with gender and reasons that have nothing to do with gender, and reasons to do with the fact the men’s clothes have pockets far more often than women’s clothes do. I might buy a men’s shirt for a million reasons that have nothing to do with a man.”

Buy it for yourself, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, or your partner from Gap for $35. (Available in sizes XS-XXXL and eight different colors; for reference, I own the size small.)

Related: Hanes tees and girlfriend shorts. ✨

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Just Good Shit: 02.02.20

Happy Sunday! No, I’m not watching the Super Bowl!! Here’s what I got up to this week…

Writing

What to Do When a Friend Owes You Money and Hasn't Paid Up

Reading

This week, I read an advance copy of The Regrets, which comes out on Tuesday. I liked it! The first few pages are very intense, but it doesn’t stay that way. It’s dark but breezy, and it reminded of other writing/authors I like (Carmen Maria Machado, Christopher Moore, Kevin Wilson). I also read Slave Play, which I thought was great. (I’m very bummed I didn’t see it on Broadway.)

Also:

How I Get By: Two Weeks in the Life of a Target Employee, VICE.

Bowen Yang of ‘S.N.L.’ Is a Smash. And a Mensch., The New York Times.

Apparently, I’m Too Fat to Ski, The Cut.
I loved this.

How to Write 10,000 Words a Week, Drew Magary on Medium.

OK, But Maybe Priyanka Chopra and Post Malone Have Brainwashed Us All to Love Crocs Now, Cosmo.
I have a pair of Crocs that I wear as house shoes and they rule.

Watching

I did not expect to love Miss Americana, but wow, I did!!!

Eating & drinking

Tried two new recipes this week and both were…extremely fine! The first was Chicken-Lentil Soup With Jammy Onions from Bon App. The topping is delicious (I’d double that if I made it again) but it wasn’t my fave recipe overall. The other was Caramelized Shallot Pasta, which, again, was fine. (Probably worth making if you like anchovies, though!)

And I had drinks at Night of Joy in Williamsburg, which was very cute/good!

Have a great Sunday! ☁️

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