Just Good Shit: 10.13.19

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Fall is officially upon us and I couldn’t be happier! Every time the temperature drops another 5 degrees, I get a little closer to my full powers. When I wasn’t trying on every sweater I own and aggressively researching boots and coats, here’s what else I had going on…

Reading

This week, I read Know My Name by Chanel Miller, which I highly, highly recommend. Miller is an excellent writer, and this book is an incredible meditation on trauma (and the tedium that often goes with it). I highlighted so many passages and cried fairly often, but I also cackled out loud on multiple occasions. Know My Name is, as far as I’m concerned, canon, and pretty much everyone should read it.

Also:

The Irrepressibly Political Survivorship of Chanel Miller, The New Yorker.

Ronan Farrow Depicts a Chilling Cover-up at NBC, The Cut.

It’s time to ban cars from Manhattan, Curbed.

What Are Californians Supposed to Do?, Slate.

On Coming Out, Slow and Not Always Steady: 6 Stories, Vogue.

Can a $1,300 baby bed make me a better mom?, Curbed.

How We Came to Live in “Cursed” Times, The New Yorker.

Discussing Blackness on Reddit? Photograph Your Forearm First, The New York Times.

Succession uses Shiv Roy’s hair and clothes to tell the story of her quest for power, Vox.

A good comment and another in an Ask a Manager thread about making a habit of using “they/them” pronouns.

At the Russian Baths With the Big Boys of Brawn, NY Mag.

AAFU: I begrudge my ex her success, The Outline.

Basic Bitches, Collective Delusion, and The Long American History of Being Defensive About Pumpkins, Summer Block.

A Publisher Attempts to Brainstorm Books for Women, McSweeney’s.

Eating

It’s fall, so taco soup is officially back in the rotation! Also, my girlfriend made Alison Roman’s creamy cauliflower pasta this week, which was delicious. And we went to Gertie for breakfast and loved it; it’s so cute and chill and the food was great.

Have a great Sunday! 🦇

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Just Good Shit: 10.06.19

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Happy October! This week was a bit of a whirlwind — I started at VICE and then headed to a friend’s wedding this weekend. Here’s what else I’ve got…

Reading

Inside the Cutthroat World of Royal Gossips, Marie Claire.
This is fascinating.

Inside TheMaven's Plan To Turn Sports Illustrated Into A Rickety Content Mill, Deadspin.

Growing Up In The Forever 21 Generation, Refinery29.
“As the brand scaled, it continued to place all its eggs in one basket, its only appeal: It was so cheap and so on-trend that you could afford to ignore the rest.”

How the Pineapple Became the Icon of I.V.F., The New York Times.

The Cheating Scandal Rocking the Poker World, The Ringer.

In a professional wrestling ring, a transgender woman faces a roaring crowd, The Washington Post.

Pop Culture History 101, The Ringer.

Your Joke's Not Funny Anymore, Lifehacker.

Have a great Sunday! 🍂

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Just Good Shit: 09.29.19

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Friends, I have some good news to share: I have a new job and I start tomorrow! I’m joining the team at VICE as Deputy Editor, Life. I got the news, like, minutes after I got the first draft of my manuscript back with edits, and right after lining up a ton of freelance work for September, which is why I’ve been quiet lately — a lot has been happening! I’m very excited about VICE, and only a tiny bit nervous about going back into an office after eight months away. (I feel…feral, and have been wearing a bra in increasing increments every day this week to prepare.)

Even more good news: my girlfriend also just accepted a new job! The amount of work/prep she did to get to this point has been truly incredible and very impressive to watch, and the job is so good/exactly what she wanted/extremely well-deserved. I am so, so thrilled for her!

It’s been a big few weeks, and I’m feeling very excited and optimistic about October! Here’s what else I have for you today…

On the blog

• Tiny life tip: Name your group texts on iPhone

• I’m currently very into Tessa clogs

Elsewhere

This week, I wrote two posts for Girls’ Night In: A Modest Proposal: Make a Q4 Resolution – You Won't Regret It and Go Small or Go Home: How to Adjust Plans So You Actually Keep Them. I also guest-edited this week’s GNI newsletter.

I was also interviewed for a series of articles for Shine Text: How to Own the Awkward and Make New Friends, How To Treat Yourself Like A Friend—Especially When You Feel Lonely, and How to Lean Into and Deepen Your Friendships.

Reading

The “Cancel Culture” Con, The New Republic.

The Internet Is Overrun With Images of Child Sexual Abuse. What Went Wrong?, The New York Times.
Head’s up that this is a fairly graphic article.

'I Will Survive' Saves Marginalized People A Spot On The Dance Floor, NPR.

‘Close Friends,’ for a Monthly Fee, The Atlantic.

Hustlers is a recession-era period piece. Here’s how the costume designer created it., The Goods / Vox.

Deep Throat’s identity was a mystery for decades because no one believed this woman, Washington Post.
(lol at the fact that “this woman” is Nora Ephron)

Mattel, Maker of Barbie, Debuts Gender-Neutral Dolls, The New York Times.

How to say “it's not okay” at work, Ask a Manager.

‘Our Love Is Built to Last’, The New York Times.
This wedding is incredible.

Watching

The Savage X Fenty fashion show on Amazon Prime.

Wearing

I’ve mentioned these Los Angeles Apparel sweatpants ($40) before, but I just wanted to share them again because my gf recently bought them in the Maple and they are such a pretty color for fall. (They are the color of pumpkin pie!)

Have a great Sunday! 👩🏽‍💻

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I’m currently very into Tessa clogs

Earlier this summer, I spent a not-small amount of time looking for the perfect clogs. I still like/wear the pair of Hasbeens I bought on sale last summer, but I was on the hunt for a slip-on clog with a slightly lower heel and minimal hardware in a neutral color that was not black. My girlfriend also wanted a pair of clogs (she had slightly different — but no less fussy — requirements), and, well, the next thing I knew, I was 75 tabs deep in clog round-ups/options!

I like clogs for a lot of reasons. Similar to a jumpsuit, clogs make you look put-together while also being very easy/comfortable. I bought my Hasbeens because I wanted a comfortable closed-toe summer shoe, but I also appreciate that you can add socks and wear them in colder months. I’ve also been slowly phasing out my skinny jeans, and clogs are a good shoe for straighter/wider leg pants. And if you, like me, prefer to be this person instead of tying/untying your shoes, well…clogs are great in that regard, too!

During my search, I looked at No. 06, Bryr, Rachel Comey (which is the brand Aidy Bryant wore on Shrill), Charlotte Stone, Beklina, Hasbeens, Sandgrens, Lotta from Stockholm, and Madewell. While I found some good contenders, nothing was quite it. I loved the No. 06 in clover green for fall and the Bryr in Pacific gray and natural, but I really balked at the price.

Then, deep in my twentieth Strategist article, I came across a single link to Tessa Clogs. The Tessa website is A Lot, but the plain traditional heel ($84.95 + ~$15 shipping) is a good place to start — that’s actually what my girlfriend and I both ended up buying. I went with the denim blue, which reads as sort of a soft black/grayish navy in person, and she got the black, which is classic and lovely IRL.

Even though I wish Tessa had the color offering of No. 06 or Bryr, I love that the plain low heel clogs are super customizable (and are considerably less expensive than the other brands). You can choose from three sole colors and order them with or without a strap/snap, and with or without an edge band. (For reference, these clogs have a raw edge; mine don’t — they have an edge band.)

The website isn’t the easiest to navigate, but they have very good/responsive customer service. I emailed them to ask a bunch of questions, and they were great. They mailed me a (clog-shaped!!) swatch so I could be 100% sure on the color before I ordered, which was super helpful. My girlfriend’s clogs turned out to be a little too roomy across the top of her foot (i.e., they fit length-wise, but they weren’t snug enough to stay on her foot) and they let her ship them back so they could adjust the fit.

Anyway, if you’re in the market for clogs, Tessa clogs are very good! I like mine a lot and will probably buy another pair at some point soon.

Further clog-related reading:

• The Life-Changing Magic of Clogs, The New Yorker.

• In Praise of an Aggressively Unfashionable Shoe, The New York Times.

• The New Mom Uniform of Park Slope, The New York Times.

• Also, while working on this post, I fell down an ABBA rabbit hole because I was trying to find something to back up the claim that ABBA popularized clogs in the US in the ‘70s. I couldn’t find that, but I did find an article that says that ABBA’s costumes were designed to help them avoid paying taxes!

• Why is No. 06 stepping on my neck like this??? ✨

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Tiny life tip: Name your group texts on iPhone

Here’s a tiny life tip that is both fun and also efficient: name your iMessage group texts!

I always liked this as a general concept, but what I didn’t realize until recently is that you can name a thread between a group of people, but you don’t have to exclusively use the labeled thread with that group. So you can have one text thread named, say, “Saugatuck plans 🌊” with three people...but also just have a regular, not-named, not-plans-related thread with those same three people, essentially keeping the conversations separate so you can easily find the one dedicated to the trip later. 

Here’s how to name a text thread on an iPhone: 

1. Tap into a text message/thread.

2. Tap the > under the name circles at the top of the thread. Then tap “info.”

3. Tap “enter a group name.” Enter a group name and/or any emojis you’d like to include.

That’s it! It’s just a small thing that makes my life a little more organized and a little more delightful.

Related: Two cheap and easy ways to upgrade your phone charger, how to use your iPhone’s photo search function, and how to curate your home screen. 📱

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Just Good Shit: 09.22.19

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Happy Sunday! Today was a long (fun!) day of Doing Stuff — first the Brooklyn Book Festival, and then Printed Matter’s Art Fair at MoMA PS1. Here’s what else I was up to this week…

Writing

How to Cancel Plans Without Losing Friends and Feeling Like a Jerk, SELF.

Reading

Jonathan Van Ness of ‘Queer Eye’ Comes Out, The New York Times.

How Reese Witherspoon became the new high priestess of book clubs, The Goods / Vox.

Everyone Who's Upset About This Black Girl's Hair Is Telling On Themselves, Jezebel.

Maybe the Best Way to Find Love Is … Not on an App?, The New York Times.

Stalking Janet Jackson, and Other Stories Behind the Hustlers Soundtrack, Vulture.

The Hustle Behind Hustlers, Vulture.

Why Some Sex Workers Aren’t Happy About ‘Hustlers’, Rolling Stone.

The 5 Best Things We Learned About the Costumes of 'Hustlers', Shondaland.

Is Succession a Comedy?, Vulture.

Let’s Talk About the Clothes on ‘Succession’, The New Yorker.

How Succession Created an Even Weirder Rich Family Than the Roys, Vulture.

We Get It, Everlane, Your Clothes Are Flattering, The Cut.

Listening to

You’re Wrong About, which my friend Alanna recommended. I started with the Tonya Harding episode and it’s great — one of the co-hosts is Sarah Marshall, who wrote a 2014 Baffler piece on Tonya Harding that’s so, so good. (I’ve read it, like, multiple times.)

The Daily: “Keeping Harvey Weinstein’s Secrets, Part 1: Lisa Bloom” and “Keeping Harvey Weinstein’s Secrets, Part 2: Gloria Allred.”

Loving

The new Starbucks pumpkin cream cold brew — it’s so good! And this video, which I’ve watched like 20 times.

Have a great Sunday! 📚

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Just Good Shit: 09.15.19

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Hi, friends! It’s another light one today because I’ve been head-down on a bunch of big and fairly exciting things (including the first round of edits for my manuscript) for the past two weeks, and haven’t had much time to come up for air. I think September is just going to be like that — which is fine! When I emerge in two weeks looking exactly like this, it will be October and I feel like everything will be completely different.

Anyway, here’s what I got up to this week…

Reading

The Heir, The Atlantic.

How I Learned to (Try to) Stop Asking Female Candidates About Sexism, The Cut.

Instagram Versus Reality at Failed Interior-Design Start-up Homepolish, NY Mag.

'Soulful Vanilla Child': When Pink Was Black, Jezebel.

How a shoe that looks like a sock became the working woman’s obsession, The Goods / Vox.

What’s the Difference Between Anxiety and Ambition?, The Cut.

It’s Okay To Set Boundaries With Your Anxious Friends, Nylon.

My Tiny Gold Hoop Earrings Are $20 and Meant for Newborn Babies, The Strategist.

Admit It, You’re Humming Succession’s Theme Song Right Now, Vulture.

Buying

I’m in a “I’d like to buy an entirely new fall/winter wardrobe” mood right now, but so far, I’ve only bought a (third) pair of J. Crew’s Point Sur cropped pants in natural because they are on sale, and they are so goddamn comfortable.

Have a great Sunday! ☕️

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Just Good Shit: 09.08.19

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

This was an unexpectedly busy week for me, which is why it was a bit quiet around these parts! Here’s some of what I got up to…

Writing

I wrote about dealing with work burnout and establishing work-life balance for The Highlight by Vox.

Reading

Amazon’s Next-Day Delivery Has Brought Chaos And Carnage To America’s Streets, BuzzFeed News.

On the Job, 24 Hours a Day, 27 Days a Month, The New York Times.

Ten Years of Taylor Swift: How the Pop Star Went From Sweetheart to Snake (and Back Again?), The Ringer.

Are Online Beauty Product Reviews Just One Big Scam?, Allure.

This Football League Was Built For Girls Who Love To Hit, Deadspin.

Toward a Universal Theory of ‘Mom Jeans’, The Atlantic.

I Thought My Writing Career Was Over. A DIY Furniture Project Saved It., Bustle.

‘Friends’ Is Turning 25. Here’s Why We Can’t Stop Watching it., The New York Times.

#1223: Feminist Wedding Etiquette Help, Captain Awkward.

We Belong Here: Transforming Your Home Into a Place of Healing, Apartment Therapy.

‘I’m Sick of Seeing My Face,’ Says the Internet’s Kombucha Connoisseur, The New York Times.

The Great American History of the Boob Light, MEL Magazine.

How to Skip All of a Person's Instagram Stories in One Swoop, Lifehacker.

The 'Dusty Stick' Is the Best Slack Emoji That Nobody Uses, VICE.

How to Solve a Rubik's Cube, Step by Step, Wired.

Cooking

The marinated tomato BLTs I mentioned last week turned out to be incredible — highly, highly recommend!

Have a great Sunday! 🌻

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Just Good Shit: 09.01.19

Heyoh! I’m back from vacation just in time for September, my least favorite month of the year. Here’s what I’ve got for you…

On the blog

• You can now pre-order The Art of Showing Up

• My favorite things to do in Saugatuck, MI

• Don’t talk to me if you don’t want to talk about Are You the One?

Elsewhere

You can catch me on two episodes of NPR’s Life Kit: “Accept The Awkwardness: How To Make Friends (And Keep Them)” and “When Friendships Change, How To Cope.” I was also interviewed for this article: Want Stronger Friendships? Pull Out Your Notepad.

Reading

I read a bunch of books while on vacation: Red, White & Royal Blue, which I fucking loved and highly recommend; Heartburn, which was very funny/different but definitely didn’t age well; and The Blue Bistro (not my fave Elin novel, but I know most people love it). I also started Silver Girl.

Also:

No distractions: An NFL veteran opens up on his sexuality, ESPN.
This is so moving; if you read one thing this week, make it this.

The Ruling In This 'Friends' Lawsuit Set Back The #MeToo Movement By Years — Now The Woman At The Center Of It Speaks Out, Bustle.

Fix the Electoral College — Or Scrap It, The New York Times.

Vote for the Woman Because She’s a Woman, Time.

The Adults In The Room, Deadspin.

“The journalists at Deadspin and its sister sites, like most journalists I know, are eager to do work that makes money; we are even willing to compromise for it, knowing that our jobs and futures rest on it. An ever-growing number of media owners, meanwhile, are so exceedingly unwilling to reckon with the particulars of their own business that they refuse to accept our eagerness to help them make money. … The tragedy of digital media isn’t that it’s run by ruthless, profiteering guys in ill-fitting suits; it’s that the people posing as the experts know less about how to make money than their employees, to whom they won’t listen.”

Why Celebrities From Reality Stars to A-Listers Fake Their Marriages, Vice.

How MTV’s ‘Are You The One?’ Is Changing Dating Shows, Rolling Stone.

How Queer People Brought Some Actual Reality to Dating-Reality TV, The New York Times.

How on Earth Did ‘Are You The One’ Get Queer Love So Right?, ELLE.

Battle Hymn of the #Boymom, Jezebel.

I Came Out As A Lesbian While I Was Married To A Man., Raff Out Loud.

How I Learned to Look Like Myself, The Cut.
God, there is so much in this essay about eyebrows that perfectly maps to my own experiences.

The Morning Show: In First Full Trailer, Jennifer Aniston Disses Steve Carell, Worries About Reese Witherspoon, TV Line.

A Guide to Drawing Fat People, Stine Greve on Instagram.

Cooking

Yesterday I bought three pounds of farmers market tomatoes and am planning to make BLTs with marinated tomatoes and Alison Roman's tomato toast with buttered shrimp.

Have a great Sunday! ✨

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Don’t talk to me if you don’t want to talk about “Are You the One?’’

After several people recommended the MTV reality dating show Are You the One? this summer, I finally watched it this week…and became fully obsessed with it.

Here’s the show’s premise: a bunch of single twentysomethings (who “suck at dating”) are selected to live in a house together. (Yeah, that ol’ chestnut!) Before the season begins, relationship experts do in-depth interviews, questionnaires, and personality tests, and predict the ideal pairings for everyone in the cast. (So, if there are 20 people in the cast, there will be 10 “perfect matches.”) The goal is for each member of the cast to figure out who their predetermined perfect match is. They have a set number of chances to guess as a group, and are only told the number of matches they get correct in a given round — not which perfect matches they got right. If the cast accurately guesses all of the perfect match pairings — again, as chosen by experts — by the end of the season, they will win $1 million.

What makes it so entertaining is that people are horny and complicated and will insist someone is their perfect match even though it’s very obvious that the person is…not. (Because, for example, that person has zero interest in them.)

The real reason I, like a lot of people, started watching this season, is because it’s got a twist: for the first time, everyone in the cast is sexually fluid — so everyone can theoretically be paired with everyone. There are 16 people in this cast (i.e., there are eight perfect matches), so each person has 15 potential perfect matches. (In previous seasons, it might have been, say, nine potential perfect matches.)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Are You The One? (@areuthe1) on Jun 27, 2019 at 8:33am PDT

I don’t watch much TV and I’m definitely not a reality TV person, but I am hooked on Are You The One?. Here’s why I’ve been loving it so much:

• It’s an MTV reality show! The nostalgia part of my millennial brain is lights UP whenever I watch AYTO. There’s something about it that’s so wonderfully MTV; if you liked, say, The Gauntlet, you will probably like this show. It’s just such a pleasure to watch!

• It’s a tight edit. A lot of reality TV is filler (looking at you, Bachelor), but AYTO zips along at a great clip — each episode goes down like a can of White Claw. They don’t spend too much time on the things that ultimately don’t matter (like the challenges) and instead get right to the good stuff.

• The fact that everyone can be paired with everyone (instead of several people competing for one person) changes the stakes. There are no real “losers,” which is nice. That said, people still are competing with each other (because two people might be into the same person), so there’s lots of drama. Everyone is chasing everyone, which is very fun to watch.

• Everyone is queer! To be honest, I wasn’t prepared for how remarkable — or how normal — that would feel. It’s kind of incredible to see this group of people — who represent all sorts of identities and personality types — pursue same-sex or gender fluid relationships casually and openly on national television. It’s also so refreshing to watch a show in which there is no token queer person because everyone is queer.

• The show is fascinating. I was surprised by how many relatable dating experiences/attitudes pop up throughout the season. After just a few days in the house, the cast members are already experiencing the full spectrum of emotions and bigger questions you can expect to see over, like, several months of dating. It’s kind of wild to witness such a pure distillation of dating in your twenties, and the ways in which people want to brute-force bad relationships that they are convinced are meant to be. There’s something about this — and, really, the show as a whole — that feels shockingly real, which I wasn’t expecting.

• I’m also fascinated by the sense of inevitability each cast member expresses about their perfect match. Instead of going into it thinking, “I need to determine my perfect match to win the money, but I’m free to fall for whoever I want,” they seem to believe that the person selected as their perfect match is their perfect match. (At times, it feels a little strange/extreme — like you’re watching an episode of Black Mirror that’s going to end with all of these people marrying for life.) As a result, they have basically zero interest in strategy (which drives me crazy!!!) and are way more interested in feelings. They are devastated if they realize their perfect match isn’t who they wanted it to be or thought it was, and seem determined to forge a relationship with the person the experts chose for them.

• The show has surprising moments of sweetness! Two people doing their makeup together before a party; a bro opening up to his love interest about his childhood; a cast member creating a really beautiful gift for another cast member to make amends; the cast gently and lovingly but firmly confronting the person who is the source of much of the drama in the group…it’s all been fairly moving and lovely, which I wasn’t expecting.

• AYTO is just really goddamn entertaining. My girlfriend and I watched the whole season this week (10 episodes have aired so far, and there are two remaining) and were invested by, like, the end of the first one. On Friday night, we found ourselves jumping around and screaming at the TV like we were watching sports.

An AYTO meme my girlfriend made for me

My one not-insignificant quibble/caveat is that AYTO doesn’t seem to recognize when reality TV antics/jealousy/“drama” cross over into behavior that I would actually describe as abusive. (I’m specifically thinking about Episode 9.) I remember when Real World producers broke the fourth wall to talk about whether the cast felt safe following a fight, and I think they should have done that in Episode 9, particularly because it’s a show about love and dating, and each episode features a relationship expert checking in with the cast. On a show that gets so much right, this was such a miss that I found it genuinely baffling.

Overall, though, I really do like Are You the One? and think it’s worth a watch, especially if you want something kind of lightweight to breeze through. The next episode airs Monday Sept. 3 at 11 p.m. ET on MTV, and I’m very excited about it.

And if you’re interested, here are some other articles about Are You The One? that do a great job of articulating what’s so appealing about it:

• How MTV’s ‘Are You The One?’ Is Changing Dating Shows, Rolling Stone.

• How Queer People Brought Some Actual Reality to Dating-Reality TV, Jenna Wortham / New York Times.

• How on Earth Did ‘Are You The One’ Get Queer Love So Right?, ELLE.

• With a Sexually Fluid Cast, ‘Are You the One?’ Builds a Cult Following, New York Times.

• Are You The One? Season 8 Cast on Making TV History, How To Be An Ally & More, MTV / YouTube.

• Are You The One? Math 💘

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