Just Good Shit: 07.05.20

Hi! Here’s what I had going on this week…

Writing

How to Be Supportive When a Friend Comes Out to You

Reading

Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should, The Atlantic.

When You Are Paid 13 Hours for a 24-Hour Shift, The New York Times.

Why the term “BIPOC” is so complicated, explained by linguists, Vox.

How Mount Rushmore Became Mount Rushmore, The New York Times.

On Instagram, Ban.do Looked Like A Millennial Woman’s Paradise. In Reality, Employees Say They Were Miserable., BuzzFeed News.

Cult Classic “But I’m A Cheerleader” Championed Femme Lesbianism, BuzzFeed News.

Reading Anti-Racist Nonfiction Is a Start. But Don’t Underestimate the Power of Black Fiction, Time.

Why Cubbyhole Is the One New York Bar I Always Return To, Condé Nast Traveler.

Other shit

Yesterday, my girlfriend and I had a lovely at-home “beach” day. We wore our bathing suits and other beach clothes; lay on towels; read 28 Summers (not my fave Elin book, but still a very beachy beach read); made painkillers and grilled burgers; and listened to ocean waves (surprisingly effective) from one phone and Carly Rae Jepsen bops from the other. It was really mellow and dreamy, and I highly recommend something like this to anyone who needs something to look forward to/is a bit bored/misses summer fun.

Have a good Sunday night! 👙

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Just Good Shit: 06.28.20

Hello and happy Pride! If you’re looking for some good gay shit (which: who isn’t???), consider this reading list. Otherwise, here’s some other stuff from my week…

Writing

The Best Tiny DIY Pride Floats Made by Our Readers

I also edited a few things: The Queer Haircuts of Quarantine; How Tumblr's 'Am I a Lesbian?' Google Doc Became Internet Canon; and How to Make More LGBTQ Friends. And my friend Gyan interviewed me for a Man Repeller article.

Reading

You Want a Confederate Monument? My Body Is a Confederate Monument, The New York Times.

My Family Saw a Police Car Hit a Kid on Halloween. Then I Learned How NYPD Impunity Works., ProPublica.

Want to wax eyebrows in Pennsylvania? You have to be a good person. This 'oppressive' law says so., NBC News.
This is outrageous.

How the Virus Won, The New York Times.

North Texas family shaken after 18 relatives test positive for COVID-19 following surprise birthday party, WFAA.

A Love Letter to My Mailman, and the Incomparable Camaraderie Between Black Strangers, Man Repeller.

Eating

This week, we had slow-roast gochujang chicken for the second time — it’s really good. And this slow cooker chipotle-honey chicken is amazing and so easy; I think it’s going to become a lunch staple.

Have a good Sunday! 🏳️‍🌈

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Just Good Shit: 06.21.20

Hello! Here’s what I had going on this week…

My shit, elsewhere

I had a great conversation with Brittany Luse about The Art of Showing Up on Friday night via Politics and Prose and Girls’ Night In; if you’re interested, you can watch the whole event here. I also talked to Amy Robach for an ABC News segment on Thursday.

Also, I’ll be dropping by the Balanced Black Girl virtual book club on Monday, June 29; you can RSVP here.

Reading

Finding Black Joy in Times of Crisis, The Root.

The Nutcracker Hustle: Why Selling Bootleg Cocktails Just Got Harder, The New York Times.

New Yorkers Flattened the Curve. Now They’re Dropping Their Guard., The New York Times.

Dear Fuck-Up: My Close Friend Is Being Radicalized On the Internet and I Don’t Know What to Do, Jezebel.
This is so good.

Watching

I regret to inform you that I binged all but two episodes of Selling Sunset on Netflix this weekend. It’s SO bad and yet it’s…all I can think about?

Have a good Sunday! ☀️

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Just Good Shit: 06.14.20

Hi! Just a quick one for you tonight…

Writing

11 Tiny Pride Floats to Help You Celebrate This Year

I also edited How to Celebrate Pride Quietly When You Aren't Totally Out.

My shit, elsewhere

I was a guest on Radio Times last week, talking about the pandemic, Black Lives Matter, and setting boundaries.

Also, reminder that I’m doing a virtual book event with Politics & Prose and Girls’ Night In this Friday night! Brittany Luse will be leading it.

Reading

Yes, We Mean Literally Abolish the Police, The New York Times.

Bon Appétit's editor in chief just resigned — but staffers of color say there's a 'toxic' culture of microaggressions and exclusion that runs far deeper than one man, Business Insider.

“This is how I, a 45-year-old white woman and mother of 6, currently at her peak Karen power, went from assuming police work was a necessary part of functional communities, to becoming a passionate advocate for #abolishthepolice #defundthepolice, over the course of one week.”

An Interview With the Man Who Told the LAPD, 'Suck My Dick and Choke On it, I Yield My Time, Fuck You', Jezebel.

Have a good night! ✨

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Just Good Shit: 06.07.20

Hi, friends. Here’s what I had going on this week…

Writing

How to Talk to Relatives Who Care More About Looting Than Black Lives

Reading

The End of Policing. (The ebook is currently free, btw!)

Also:

The no-knock warrant for Breonna Taylor was illegal, Washington Post.

Tear Gas Doesn’t Deploy Itself, The New Republic.

No More Cop Unions, The New Republic.

Sarah Fathallah on the problem with the #8Can’tWait campaign.

It Does Not Matter If You Are Good, ELLE.

You Should Be Feeling Miserable, The Atlantic.

Brave: Corporations Stand In Solidarity With the Communities They Exploit, VICE.

Fast-Food Companies Still Don’t Care, Grub Street.

Why We Need to Stop Saying ‘People of Color’ When We Mean ‘Black People’, Joshua Adams on Medium.

Honestly, Very Respectfully, Mr. Mayor, Suck My Dick, Jezebel.

Have a good night. ✊🏽

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Just Good Shit: 05.31.20

Hi. I’m tired and sad and angry. Just…tapped out. Here’s what I have for you this week.

Writing

From the archives: The best writing on race, white supremacy, and anti-Black racism in America and Here's How To Raise Race-Conscious Children (I edited this one).

My shit, elsewhere

I talked to Alison Stewart about showing up for friends right now on WNYC’s All Of It on Tuesday. And I was interviewed by Bitch magazine; you can read it here: There Is an Art to Showing up—and Rachel Wilkerson Miller Has Mastered It.

Reading

This Is What You Get, Jezebel.

Millions of Amy Coopers, The Cut.

First Came The Pandemic, Then Came the Raw Sewage, The Marshall Project.

Fearing for his life, The Verge.

How Many Black People Can You Mourn In One Week?, BuzzFeed.

How to respond to “riots never solve anything!”, So Let’s Talk About.

Save the Tears: White Woman's Guide, Tatiana Mac.

Your Black Colleagues May Look Like They’re Okay — Chances Are They’re Not, Refinery29.

Maintaining Professionalism In The Age of Black Death Is….A Lot, Shenequa Golding on Medium.

And a thread of bail funds across the country.

Watching

This excellent video from Danielle Henderson, and this one by Danielle Prescod, both of which I feel like summed up what I’m thinking and experiencing. Also: this joyful hometown parade for Friday night’s Drag Race winner. And Centerpiece on Quibi — the exact kind of Black exuberance and beauty that I needed this morning.

Have a good night.

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Just Good Shit: 05.24.20

Today’s New York Times lists the names of 1,000 people who have died from COVID-19 in the United States — a small fraction of the 100,000 known deaths in the U.S. as of now. I don’t know how anyone can look at these people’s names and the tiny snippets of their lives — “founded a food pantry” “known as ‘the fashionista’ in her nursing home” “thought it was important to know a person’s life story” “Broadway costume designer” “worked mostly factory jobs to support his family” “an exuberant laugh” — and think that the threats of coronavirus are exaggerated, or believe that the country is ready to “reopen,” or say that these 100,000+ lives didn’t matter. Of course they mattered. They were people. They they had families and friends and nicknames and talents and inside jokes and memories and now they are gone.

It’s all so sad, so shameful, and I feel so angry reading this less than hour after watching a group of four semi-masked people get out of a car and walk, giggling, up to a neighbor’s door while carrying three bulging Whole Foods bags, a large bowl covered in plastic wrap, and a big box labeled “Angus beef patties” that took two hands to carry. It’s utterly astonishing to me that so many people have died — and are still dying!!! — and so many of other people simply….decided the rules must be different now, because they are just…tired of living like this??? Like, we’re all tired of living like this. The answer is still no.

Here’s what else I had going on this week…

Writing

'A Friend Sent Me a Long List of All the Ways I Suck—What Do I Do?'

My shit, elsewhere

I had a really nice conversation with Shereen Marisol Meraji for NPR’s Life Kit, which aired in two parts this week: An Illustrated Guide To Showing Up For Yourself and What To Say When A Friend Is Struggling. I also participated in a Reddit AMA with some other recent Life Kit guests.

And I’m really excited that Girls’ Night In selected The Art of Showing Up as their June book club read! I’ll be doing a virtual event with GNI and Politics & Prose on June 19; you can RSVP here.

Reading

How to Have a Safer Pandemic Memorial Day, The New York Times.
I’m sharing this not because I think you should gather for Memorial Day (or…for any other reason right now), but because I think it’s helpful to see how high the burden of lowering the risk when gathering is.

‘I Really Need to Go Home’: The Cruise Ship Employees Still Stuck at Sea, VICE.

11 Tips for Getting the Most Out of Therapy Right Now, SELF.

Stewed Awakening, Eater.

Cooking Your Way Through the Pandemic, The Atlantic.

The best $19.98 I ever spent: A seatbelt extender, The Goods / Vox.

Lana Del Rey Could Have Left This One in the Drafts, Jezebel.

I'm running out of patience when we need patience the most, Ask a Manager.

How to Have a Fun Conversation Again, The New York Times.
Loved this.

Cooking

My windowsill scallions grew very tall very quickly! Thrilling. I used them to make a half portion of this scallion butter, which we put on top of the cornbread we had with taco soup. Now I’m currently midway through the process of making this homemade pizza, which is coming along nicely. And I can’t remember if I shared the NYT Cooking Cheesy White Bean-Tomato Bake when I first made it, but it’s great — low-fuss and delicious, a great lunch recipe for lovers of chickpea pasta.

Have a good Sunday night. 💛

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Just Good Shit: 05.17.20

A lot happened this week! The Art of Showing Up came out on Tuesday, and I celebrated with a teeny tiny “book party” (slices of Milkbar cake that my girlfriend had delivered as a surprise + a bottle of champagne that my former BuzzFeed team/now friends sent). It was a lovely, special day — a little bit of joy in this otherwise weird and dark time.

On Friday, VICE did a big round of layoffs without warning. I wasn’t laid off, but a lot of my extremely talented colleagues were, and it sucked. It was just a really sad day all around, and even though I was lucky, I don’t feel good about any of it, you know?

On a brighter note, thank you to everyone who pre-ordered Showing Up, and to those who posted about it on social media or told friends about it! I am so grateful and flattered, and seeing my book in other people’s hands/homes will never get old for me.

Here’s what else I had going on this week…

My shit, elsewhere

Alison at Ask a Manager ran an excerpt from Showing Up about venting responsibly, and my episode of the Food Heaven podcast aired this week! (We recorded it a while ago.)

Reading

The Un-Heroic Reality of Being an ‘Essential’ Restaurant Worker, Eater.

Inside the Book Industry's Battle to Stay Afloat During the COVID-19 Crisis, Esquire.

Adele Isn’t Discussing Her Weight So Why Are We?, SELF.

Janny's Delivery Service, VICE.

Regrow Scallions in a Cup of Water, Lifehacker.

Currently doing this……feeling like a botanist witch genius.

All Hail the Squirtarita, Quarantine’s Perfect Cocktail, Eater.

This Unhinged Story About Friends in Quarantine Is Just Such a Treat, Cosmo.
I laughed out loud a lot at this pitch-perfect Hey, Ladies! reunion.

Watching & listening to

We’ve been watching The Last Dance on ESPN and really enjoying it. Also very into the Jessica Simpson episodes of You’re Wrong About.

Have a good Sunday night! ☀️

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'The Art of Showing Up' is officially here!

Photo of The Art of Showing Up book on a light wood table, next to a cup of coffee

Today is my book’s birthday! The Art of Showing Up is now officially available in print, e-book, and audiobook format in the U.S. I’m really proud and excited (and also nervous, as I always am when I publish something big). You can buy the book from any of these retailers:

You can also read some early praise for the book here.

Marketing a book during a pandemic is very strange, and no one in the publishing industry really knows what to expect in terms of sales. I really appreciate any and all support right now; here are some things that would be helpful/are very welcome, if you’re so inclined:

Buying the book (or gifting it to someone else)
Posting about the book and/or other work of mine that you've liked in the past on social media
Reading the book with friends or a book club (email me if you’re interested in having me pop into your virtual book club!)
Just telling friends/family/colleagues about the book
Rating/reviewing The Art of Showing Up on Goodreads and the website of your book retailer of choice

Simply sending good vibes is also very welcome!

Finally, THANK YOU for reading my blog/newsletter/work, especially those of you who have stuck with me for a while now; I don’t take it for granted, and I really, really appreciate the support, generosity, and good cheer. 📔✨

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Some nice things people have said about 'The Art of Showing Up'

The Art of Showing Up is officially here! I’m really grateful for and proud of the nice reviews I’ve received so far, and I wanted to share some of those comments here.

Here are some blurbs from other authors:

“Miller has penned a fresh, wise, practical, modern guide for figuring out how to be true to yourself while also meaningfully connected to others. An important contribution to the larger, complicated project of solving loneliness.” —Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering

“Rachel’s advice is smart, straightforward, and empathetic. The Art of Showing Up offers a roadmap to becoming a better friend and happier person. Read this book!” —Alison Green, author of Ask a Manager

“This is an incredibly practical book full of easy, yet meaningful, ways to develop more friendship and love in your life. Through steps that anyone can do, Rachel helps us find the support that we all crave in our lives and leaves us feeling ever more hopeful!” —Shasta Nelson, author of Frientimacy

“Rachel Wilkerson Miller has given us a toolbox for strengthening our relationships with one another and with ourselves. This book is the resource that twenty-, thirty-, and fortysomethings were missing—and that we didn’t know we absolutely needed.” —Caroline Moss, coauthor of Hey Ladies! and host of Gee Thanks, Just Bought It!

Some snippets from early reviews:

“VERDICT: Excellent tips for forging relationships with others and becoming an even better ‘old’ friend.” —From a starred review in Library Journal

“Miller (Dot Journaling), deputy editor of Vice’s Life vertical, provides digital natives an easy, entertaining guide to adult friendships. … Miller starts each section with brief general principles, then relies heavily on lists and action steps, which will make for easy reference and perusal, and her charismatic voice will appeal to any reader of self-help. Those looking for help braving the social unknown will want to take a look.” —From the Publisher’s Weekly review

And some quotes from folks who got advance copies via NetGalley:

“This book is exactly what it proclaims to be, a dissection of how to show up for yourself and others. It does not simply muse on self-care and proffer face masks and baths and journalling. It offers a discussion of all the ways in which we can show up and gives exercises, very specific advice (i.e. sample dialogues, how to approach very specific situations, ways to practice new tasks) and truly meets you where you are. If you are someone who has a lot of skills here or someone with absolutely none, someone with mental health issues or none at all, there is something here for you. … I read a lot of these books and many I don’t give a second thought to (often don’t offer anything ‘new’ to this over-thinker, happy self-analyzer, personality-test aficionado). But this book truly does.” —Christina S.

“I felt like this one was written just for me! I’ve been not showing up for a good part of my life for neither myself or friends and family. I’ve managed to focus my energy on my kids without looking inward or outward for anything. … I felt like this one was written just for me! I’ve been not showing up for a good part of my life for neither myself or friends and family. I’ve managed to focus my energy on my kids without looking inward or outward for anything.” —Elizabeth M.

I’m fully beaming! ✨✨✨

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