Just Good Bops: May

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Y'all already know how I feel about April, and even though May is usually an improvement on April, it’s still not consistently warm enough to make loud, energetic, danceable, and cheerful songs feel appropriate. May is June with training wheels. Summer Jr. if you will!

This month’s tracks are best enjoyed walking down a tree-lined street, looking up at the gaps of sunlight peeking through the leaves. (Fun fact: there’s an untranslatable Japanese word — komorebi — for sunlight filtering through the trees.)

And once you’re on Spotify, you should really click through and listen to these albums in full:

The War on Drugs, A Deeper Understanding

I included a song from this album on last month’s playlist, and I couldn’t help adding another this month. The War on Drugs sound like Bruce Springsteen or Tom Petty with a side of synth. (Pitchfork has a great article on the history of heartland sync rock, if you’re that type of nerd.) Much like Mitski’s Puberty 2, A Deeper Understanding is an album I find myself returning to over and over again. It’s also great background music for parties! It’s mid-tempo enough to fill the room with warmth, but it’s not too distracting either. This is very much summer BBQ fare — the shit you should be grilling to.

Better Oblivion Community Center, Better Oblivion Community Center

Definitely listen to the Phoebe Bridgers and Conor Oberst collab on the playlist, but — more important — just listen to Phoebe Bridgers! Regardless of whether she’s performing on her own or performing alongside Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus she’s got a folk sensibility that’s infused with an earnestness that feels genuine, not grating. If nothing else, listen to her song “Motion Sickness.”

Nilüfer Yanya, Miss Universe

I was predisposed to like Nilüfer Yanya’s new album because her song “Baby Luv” is such a banger, but I knew I was in for a treat when I read this in Pitchfork’s review of Yanya’s album: “Yanya, on her debut album, has shocked her desolate confrontations into some of the most adventurous pop-rock crucibles since Mitski’s Puberty 2.” (This blog is Mitski stan account as long as I’m involved!!!) Yanya’s synth and island vibes make for a great not-quite-yet-summer album to put into your rotation. 🎧

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Here’s my little hack for using every last cent on a Visa/Amex prepaid gift card

Prepaid gift cards from brands like American Express and Visa make a lot of sense in theory. Like gift cards, they release you from the psychological horror of handing your loved ones cold, hard cash, but you can use them anywhere you can use credit cards, so they offer the receiver more flexibility than a store gift card. Great!

However, if you’ve ever received one, you may have discovered that they don't work like store gift cards in one major, critical way: if you swipe, say, a $25 Macy's gift card when making a $50 Macy's purchase, it'll take the $25 off your purchase and then you can pay the remaining balance with cash or your debit card. But if you try to use a $25 Visa gift card on a $50 Macy’s purchase, the card will get declined — because you’re essentially asking it to go over its limit. The only way to keep this from happening is to tell the person ringing you up, “I want to put $25 on this card” before you swipe the Visa gift card, so they can split the tender accordingly. This isn’t ideal, but it’s fine for a nice, solid number like $25.

But! It becomes a much bigger hassle when your $100 Visa gift card now has, say, $14.77 on it. It’s highly likely that at some point, there’s going to be such a weird/small amount left on the card that you’re going to be too embarrassed to ask a retail worker to “just put $4.36 on this card,” so instead you’re just going to deprive yourself of the full value of the gift card. I’m not saying this is what Big Credit Card wants to happen, but I do think these little amounts of cash left on thousands of gift cards add up for them in a way that they…do not hate. The whole thing has annoyed me for years, ever since I was on the other end of the transaction when I worked in retail in college.

(Also: to even be able to do what I outlined above, you have to keep track of the exact balance on the gift card, which requires going to a website and inputting the card number and PIN every time you want to check how much is left on it.)

All this to say: Visa and American Express and Mastercard prepaid gift cards are way more high-maintenance than they should be, and even though this is a minor hassle in the grand scheme of things, it’s still a hassle at the end of the day. But! After receiving a high-value prepaid Visa gift card last year and getting sick of checking the balance all the time, I figured out a really simple and easy workaround that allows you to actually use every penny on said card: Once the gift card is down to a stupidly small amount that you don’t feel like fucking with, you can just go to Amazon and buy yourself an e-gift card for the exact amount on the Visa gift card. So if there’s $7.83 on the Visa card, you can simply buy yourself a $7.83 Amazon gift card.

Once you’ve put in the exact amount and your personal details (including your own email address), add the gift card to your cart. Then head to check out, choose “add new payment method,” and put in the details of the prepaid gift card there (just like it’s a regular credit/debit card). You now have now successfully turned your prepaid gift card into a normal store gift card, and it’ll work as such — deducting that $7.83 from your next Amazon purchase, and letting you pay the remaining amount due, just as God intended. 🛍

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Just Good Shit: 04.28.19

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Hi, all! Here’s what I had going on this week…

Writing

The best $16 I ever spent: Old Navy pajamas after my husband left on Vox / The Goods.

On the blog

• A case for having activities instead of hobbies

• PSA: Gas-X is a magic bullet when it comes to period bloating

• 9 things that have made me a calmer, better cook

Reading

This week, I started reading The Overstory by Richard Powers. Also:

The Company That Sells Love to America Had a Dark Secret, The New York Times.
This is a long, completely worthwhile read.

‘For five years we dreaded every meal’: my infant son’s struggle with food, The Guardian.
“At times I was sad to my very marrow, a kind of sadness I have never quite shed, as if a small grain of darkness was planted in me for ever, blooming quietly in my bones even as my child was released from the hospital and sent out into the world to do the things that babies go on to do.”

It Was Never Like Crack, Eater.

Ask Polly: ‘Will Grief Destroy My New Marriage?’, The Cut.
“If you’re going to save yourself, you need to start melting out in the open. Right now you are tidying. Stop it. This is no time to seem fine. This is no time to be good.”

Her ‘Prince Charming’ Turned Out to Be a Crazed Hit Man on the Run, The New York Times.

How the World Fell Head Over Heels for RuPaul, Vogue.

No, You Don’t Have to Stop Apologizing, The New York Times.

The Chic Octogenarian Behind Barbie’s Best Looks, The New York Times.

I Booked a $1,000 Hotel Room With 25,000 Credit Card Points. Should I Charge My Boyfriend for His Share?, Wirecutter.
This is such a good/interesting question!

Against “ME!”, The Ringer.
“‘Hey kids!’ he shouts. ‘Spelling is fun!’ she shouts back. This is how the bridge starts. The bridge, in what is growing to be a pop-era Swift trademark, is a problem.”

Why Grown-Ups Keep Talking Like Little Kids, The Atlantic.

I’m Baby, The Cut.
“‘It’s a way for us to express a feeling of general helplessness and uselessness in a ‘funny/cute’ way,’ my friend Marian Bull, who is indisputably baby, told me.”

Have a great Sunday! 🌱

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9 things that have made me a calmer, better cook

I...did not grow up in a household where cooking for guests looked or felt chill in ANY way, so I really admire this quality in others and am trying to cultivate it in myself — whether I’m cooking for guests or just for myself. I’m not, like, Mrs. Doubtfire with her titties on fire when I’m cooking, but things like always knowing where the measuring spoon I need is, or not getting flustered or buried in disgusting dirty dishes while I’m cooking actually take work for me.

For the past six months or so, my thought has been, OK, if I’m going to cook, I’m going to really cook — because if I’m investing the time and money in making food, I want the food to actually taste good, and I find that being more focused when I’m cooking helps a lot in that regard. Also, being more focused when cooking also just...feels nice! Multitasking is bad and ineffective, while being present and accomplishing a task in one go is soothing and satisfying. I’ve found that I dread cooking a lot less now that I’m approaching it in this way.

Here are some tips that I’ve found helpful in my mission to be a less stressed cook:

1. Actually read the entire recipe start to finish before you make it.

   This may seem obvious, but I used to just skim recipes before making them for the first time, and there was often a big gap between when I skimmed it (when I first came across it online) and when I actually made it (possibly weeks later). So now I read the recipe all the way through right before I get started to make sure I understand how I’ll actually be putting the ingredients together.
   

2. Along with reading the recipe in advance, also pull out everything you’ll need in advance — so measuring cups and spoons, cutting boards, spices that are in the back of your pantry, etc.

   This step might seem kind of fussy, but it’s not like pulling everything out as you go saves you time (and in my case, I’ve found it actually takes more time).
   

3. Take this a step further and measure/chop all your ingredients in advance.

   I recentlyish got into the habit of doing this with new recipes, when I wanted to be extra conscientious and careful so I didn’t mess them up. It makes me feel like a fancy TV chef, and is a reminder that all those cooking shows with their cute little prep bowls are really onto something. Again, doing this can feel kind of fussy, and it might actually add a little more time in the long run, but I think it’s worth it, especially if it keeps me from screwing up a recipe or wasting ingredients because I was rushing and made a mistake.
   

4. Use your dishwasher as a holding pen.

   If you’re using a lot of bulky dishes (like mixing bowls) and your sink is filling up, but you don’t have time to stop and wash everything, just stick it in the dishwasher — even if it’s not dishwasher safe, or even if you haven’t rinsed it first. Basically, your dishwasher isn’t just a dishwasher — it’s also a fantastic storage spot. (This is especially helpful in a smaller kitchen.) You can always pull things out after the fact to hand wash them or rinse them. I hate when my sink starts to fill up with dirty dishes, and this helps so much in terms of maintaining a cleaner kitchen/an overall feeling of calm.
   

5. Use a bowl to collect food scraps/trash while you cook.

   My least favorite part of cooking is chopping produce, and I hate being surrounded by the wet scraps as I’m chopping. But I recently watched my friend’s boyfriend cook dinner (this delicious Ina Garten pasta) and put all the scraps (stems, rinds, etc.) in a medium-sized bowl as he did. He’s a very calm/clean cook, so I was immediately very into this concept. I’ve tried in the past to use produce bags for this, and it was never super effective. But a bowl works so much better. (I think the fact that he used a genuinely beautiful white bowl helped too.) I realized later he was likely doing this so they could compost everything, but even if you’re not composting, it’s still SO nice to not have to keep going over to your garbage can every 60 seconds.
   

6. Put your phone in Do Not Disturb mode so you’re not distracted by texts or other notifications while you’re cooking.

   This is particularly helpful if the recipe is on your phone and you can’t avoid looking at your phone when you’re cooking.
   

7. Related: if you’re going to make an IG story while you cook, just save the photos/videos to your phone for later instead of posting them in real time.

   Here’s an embarrassing story: I once burned the butter for lemon butter pasta because I was posting shit to my IG story while the butter was supposed to be melting (something that doesn’t take very long at all, turns out). I had to throw the butter out, clean the pot, and start over. This was extremely dumb! Since then, I’ve stopped posting cooking stuff in real time, and in general I don’t take a lot of pics/video while I’m cooking unless I know that I have like a solid five minutes before the next step.
   

8. Make time.

   I rarely try new recipes on busy weeknights, or when I am getting home on the later side. And if I realize the day of that I’m going to be rushed, I’ll often change my plans and make a recipe I’ve already mastered and save the new recipe for a different night.
   

9. And maybe don’t try that many new recipes overall.

   I tend to limit myself to one new recipe per week (if that!) because I’ve found that cooking new recipes — even easyish ones! — takes effort. I get very cranky with myself* if I’m putting that energy in several nights a week. But doing it once a week feels challenging in a good way, and has the added benefit of helping me master other recipes. (Which is why I can basically make chickpea pasta in my sleep now.) 👩🏽‍🍳 

*Because I have no one to blame but myself! Literally no one is making me try new recipes!

PSA: Gas-X is a magic bullet when it comes to period bloating

I come here today bearing excellent news for anyone who has a uterus and a body that balloons way up roughly once a month when the ol’ Aunt Period comes to town. Turns out, simeticone (better known as Gas-X) is a goddamn magic bullet when it comes to period bloating. I tried it at the recommendation of a friend and was genuinely astonished by how much better I felt. Like, I took two tablets the first day of my period and within the hour, my body had basically deflated — and it stayed that way for the rest of the week. I’ve used them several times now and I cannot get over what a difference they make.

PS If you’re going to try them, I recommend the minty chewable tablets!

Get a 48-pack on Amazon for $8.33. 🎈

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A case for having activities instead of hobbies

Friends! Today we have a post from Terri Pous, who was my first hire at BuzzFeed, and whose work I had the pleasure of editing every day for three years. Like me, she lives by the mantra ABR (always be recommending). —Rachel ✨

Image: Amit Gupta / Flickr Creative Commons

One of my least favorite questions is, “So, what do you for fun?” I always imagine people expect me to talk about a stamp collection, or a passion for knitting, or some other kind of hobby that conveniently fills time and gives you something to show for it. But I’m not a hobby person; I much prefer activities.

And, I get it: depending on your definition of “hobby,” activities could easily count as the same thing. To me, though, all hobbies are activities, but not all activities are hobbies. Lying on the grass in the park on a nice day? Activity! Going to the park every weekend with your Nat Geo field guide to identify the birds chirping loudly overhead? Hobby!

I like that activities have almost no barrier to entry. It’s daunting to begin a hobby — the time, skill, or effort involved can be enough to stop you before you even buy that calligraphy set. A hobby is something you craft and pursue and, if you’re lucky, perfect over time. It’s often insular, something you could parlay into a side hustle (though you don’t have to). And unless you know something I don’t (and if you do, please @ me), you can’t really make a side hustle out of planning trips to the botanical gardens with friends.

But activities! God, I love them. If Doing Things is a personality trait, then I have it. It’s probably because I live in New York, concrete jungle wet dream tomato AND home of so. many. ‘tivities. You can just pick up and do almost any activity whenever you want to do it, and a lot of them cost zero money. That’s not to say you can’t try refining them the way you would a hobby, but you don’t have to to get enjoyment out of them. They’re no-maintenance and low-stress. So much of life is about staying on brand or doing things with purpose, but activities exist just for sheer enjoyment, whatever that means for you. Love being outside? There’s an activity for that! Can’t get enough of shoveling foodstuffs into your piehole? You can make an activity out of that, too! Activities are so easy to collect and return to again and again, which is a big reason why I’ll always prefer them over hobbies.

Here are some of my personal faves, ones that even a committed extrovert like me doesn’t mind doing alone:

• Trying new restaurants (and then providing copious suggestions when people ask for recommendations).

  I’ve started logging all of my restaurant visits into a Google spreadsheet, so you could argue that I’m hobb-ifying this activity.
  

• Going to Broadway shows.

  Once I realized you don’t have to pay $100+ to enjoy arguably the best activity New York City has to offer, I started going to a lot more shows. I use TodayTix, Stubhub, TDF, and the IRL TKTS booth. And when I do decide to pay full price, I go to the box office in person to avoid those $14 “convenience” fees.
  

• Visiting museums.

  Thanks to the NYC ID, I can get into a lot of museums and cultural institutions for free. But I’d willingly spend weekday afternoons at museums even if I had to pay full price. A few of my faves: The Met, the Transit Museum, the Natural History Museum, the New-York Historical Society, the Museum of the City of New York, the Guggenheim, the Cooper Hewitt. I need to go the Frick. I have lots of time to do it now!
  

• Attending live podcast recordings.

  I’m a maje podcast junkie, and luckily, a lot of them sometimes set up shop at venues like The Bell House, Caveat, and Union Hall to do it live. I’ve seen Who? Weekly, WTF with Marc Maron, Ask Me Another (I was a contestant on that one, too), Why Your Train is F*cked, and several more in person.
  

• Playing bar trivia.

  I’m a big ‘ole nerd, which is why this is probably my fave ‘tivity. I try to play every week at Gael Pub on the Upper East Side (where I used to host), and even when we don’t win, I love ~ learning new things ~. It sounds cheesy, but this activity has taught me so much about playing with a team and meeting new people! Win win!
  

• Reading, especially non-fiction books.

  Again, I’m a well-established nerd, so it’s no surprise that I love hunkering down with a good biography of Theodore Roosevelt. It’s not a revolutionary activity, but it is a good way to pack some new tidbits into my spaghetti brain and then regurgitate them to anyone within a 10-foot radius.
  

• Doing jigsaw puzzles.

  Some people are intimidated by puzzles and would probably place them squarely into the “hobbies” category, but I disagree! They’re an activity for me, one best done while watching Catastrophe or Instant Hotel in the background. If you’re freaked out at the prospect of a 1,000-piecer, try a 250 and tell me it wasn’t fun, low-key, and something you want to do over and over again for no reason other than sheer enjoyment.
  

• Hosting (and/or coordinating) group hangouts.

  I’m talking game nights, dinner parties, potlucks, recipe clubs, you name it. I love getting people together with a purpose (I’m as fun as I sound), especially if there’s food involved.
  

• Playing board games.

  See above. I recently went to a board game cafe with a friend, and while we failed miserably at learning a new game and instead played Guess Who? and Candyland, it was still a ton of fun and a reminder of how great board games are. Some of my favorites are Codenames and Ticket to Ride, and I’m eager to learn backgammon, Settlers of Catan, and Mahjong.
  

• Watching documentaries.
  I’m not a huge movie or TV person, but if there’s a good documentary, I’ll eat it up (and then proselytize about it to everyone I know). Some good ones I’ve seen: Seeing Allred, 20 Feet from Stardom, Three Identical Strangers, Icarus, Going Clear.
  

• Just strollin’.
  A big advantage of living in New York (and suddenly having lots of free time) is being able to walk outside and see where your feet take you. Even though we’re currently in the midst of a fool’s spring, I’ll still pick a destination or neighborhood or errand, and just stroll around at a leisurely pace to get there. It’s a perfect way to listen to a podcast, catch up with someone on the phone, or just take out the earbuds and take in your surroundings. It’s not exactly nature, but it’s as close as New York gets, so I’ll take it. ✨
  

Terri Pous is a writer, editor, two-day Jeopardy! champ, and an Aries. She loves abbrevs, reality TV, obscure facts about the US presidents, and the 🥴 emoji. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @terripous, and on sidewalks @ petting every dog.

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Just Good Shit: 04.21.19

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Heyoh! Here’s what I was up to this week…

On the blog

• So, you should really be using a rinse aid in your dishwasher

• I just love these minty toothpicks

• Just a bunch of good things to read if you want to be a better manager

• Toward a more perfect home screen

Reading

The Death of an Adjunct, The Atlantic.

(Further reading: the 2016 Gawker series on adjunct professors.)

Why Notre-Dame Was a Tinderbox, The New York Times.

The Lipstick I Wore to My Divorce, The Cut.

Why I Embraced Skin Care After My Mother’s Death, SELF.

What Pulitzer Prize-Nominated Books Should You Read First?, The New York Times.

I’m very excited about The Overstory, The Great Believers, and American Eden (currently free to read on Kindle if you have Prime).

‘You Don’t Have to Have Cerebral Palsy to Relate to My Story’, Vulture.

Three Magical Phrases to Comfort a Dying Person, Jenny Harrington on Human Parts / Medium.

The Fisher-Price Rock 'n Play Recall Speaks to Parental Desperation, Not Just Lack of Awareness, Jezebel.

How to Improve Your Memory (Even if You Can’t Find Your Car Keys), The New York Times.

I’m a big fan of the third tip (tell someone).

Behind the New, Gloriously Queer Emily Dickinson Movie, Vulture.

A Sober Person Walks Into a Nonalcoholic Bar…, Grub Street.

Why I Take All My First Dates to Olive Garden, Bon Appétit.

Watching

Homecoming on Netflix and more of Our Planet. I liked Episode 2 (“Frozen Worlds”) a lot — much better than Episode 3 (“Jungles”). BTW, if you’re watching Our Planet with little ones, Netflix tweeted the time stamps of the most intense segments.

Best life

House pants

After seeing several ads for them on Instagram, I ordered these not-quite-sweatpants from Los Angeles Apparel ($40). I am always on the lookout for good house clothes, and I like that I can wear these to work from home and cook but also to take Chuck on walks and run errands. I have the mint, but they come in 14 other colors, and I think I might get a second pair.

The fanny pack life

I bought a small gray Herschel fanny pack during Shopbop’s big sale a couple weeks ago and am loving it so far — it’s been great to get back to the unencumbered life. (If you’e curious, it’s $35 on Amazon and comes in seven other colors.)

Spring pasta

I made NYT Cooking’s Pasta With Fresh Herbs, Lemon and Peas the other night; I don’t think it’ll make the list of my favorite recipes of all time, but it was still good/easy/worth it!

Have a great Sunday! 🐰

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Toward a more perfect home screen

Image: Courtney Carver, Be More With Less

When I saw this photo from Courtney Carver / Be More With Less pop up in my Instagram feed last August, I was...lightly shocked?! To be honest, I didn’t even know what I was looking at at first; my eyes needed time to adjust. After staring at it for a few seconds, I realized it was an iPhone with a home screen that had been entirely cleared of apps. I guess I could have reasoned that one could do this, if one wanted to, but I’d genuinely never seen anything like it.

This is what Courtney wrote in the photo’s caption about her setup:

“No apps on the home screen or placed in neatly labeled containers. Nope. All apps are in one folder (see lower right of my screen). I open my apps (when I want to) by swiping right and typing the app name in the search bar. That way I'm not tempted because I see an app icon.”

(BTW, the caption has several other tips for practicing good digital hygiene and is worth reading in full!)

When I saw the photo, I had already buried Facebook and Twitter deep enough in my phone that I essentially forgot about them / stopped using them, but this photo made me consider whether there were any other apps that needed to go. There was: Instagram. I was finding myself reaching for it more and more last year for a couple reasons. First, because it was there. But also because I’d turned on notifications after several years of not having them. I did it because I was getting tagged in more Stories, particularly from people who were posting about my book, and if I didn’t open the app for 24 hours, I wouldn’t see the story they had tagged me in or be able to reply/thank them. The problem was that I was now getting notifications about all my DMs, many of which weren’t that important but were still super distracting. (I am the kind of person who can’t stand having a notification badge!)

All that to say: seeing this photo on Instagram gave me the push I needed to move Instagram off my home screen and bury it in a folder so it was a couple swipes away. (I replaced it on my home screen with Headspace.) I didn’t turn off IG notifications but I didn’t need to; the effect was immediate and dramatic. Turns out, when the red notification badge isn’t on my home screen, it doesn’t bother me nearly as much. I really like Instagram (the main feed anyway) so I was genuinely shocked by how little I thought about or cared about it when it wasn’t just there.  

After moving the Instagram app, I also cleaned up my home screen a little bit. I figured I wasn’t going to achieve home screen minimalism overnight, but I could start moving in that direction. So I deleted/buried more apps and made two rows of additional space on my home screen. Here’s how it currently looks:

(If I swipe right, the screen has just two rows of icons: five folders with apps + three standalone apps.)

It’s not totally minimalist, but I feel good about where things are / my relationship with my phone at the moment!

Some related things:

• I think about this Cher tweet a lot. “I need to shoot my phone / shoot your phone” has actually become shorthand in my friend group for everything from “Twitter is terrible” to “hi please put your phone down and be present with me.”

• If you’re feeling like you need to do more to shoot your phone, you might like the book Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World, which I read a couple months ago. It’s a good read overall, and also makes a pretty compelling case for a full 30-day app detox. (Buy it on Amazon for $10.49 or find it at a local bookstore.)

• You can also get a sense of the book from this GQ interview with the author, which I really liked: Cal Newport on Why We'll Look Back at Our Smartphones Like Cigarettes.

• Two more good reads: Turn Off Your Push Notifications. All of Them (Wired) and Your Notifications Are Lying to You (Lifehacker).

• And finally, if you want to read more “I didn’t know my phone could do that!” content, you might like this NYT article: How to Tap Less on Your Phone (but Get More Done). (I’m a huge fan of creating text abbreviations!) 📴

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Just a bunch of good things to read if you want to be a better manager

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

I recognize that my current job status — just partly employed — might mean this isn’t the ideal time to publish this post. But! Before I got laid off, I had been managing for three years, and in 2017 and 2018, my teams grew significantly and I began managing managers. I really liked managing and cared a lot about doing it well, so I was often looking for thoughtful, practical advice about being a good manager.

So even though I’m not currently a manager, I thought I’d share some of my favorite resources! (BTW, most of these are helpful for everyone with a job, even if you’re not a manager and/or have no desire to become one!)

Ask a Manager

Ask a Manager, written by Alison Green, is my go-to for all things work-related. If you aren’t familiar with Ask a Manager and want a funny and entertaining intro to the blog, here are a few posts I wrote while at BuzzFeed to get you started:

• 23 Workplace Horror Stories That'll Make You Say "WTAF?????"

• Hoooooly Shit, This Story

• Remember The Guy Who "Ghosted" His GF And Then She Became His Boss? Well, There's An Update

Those posts are on the wackier side, but I have truly learned so much from reading the more mundane AAM posts (plus the comments) every day for years. I also spent at least one Friday nights a few years ago going deep on the archives, which served as a pretty great crash course in how work works. (By the way, if you’re a manager, you may want to browse the being the boss tag.)

Beyond the AAM blog, I highly recommend Alison’s 2018 book, Ask a Manager: How to Navigate Clueless Colleagues, Lunch-Stealing Bosses, and the Rest of Your Life at Work. After I read it, I passed it around to my team so they could read it too. Alison knows so much about how businesses and professional relationships should work, and always gives practical advice in an empathetic and straightforward way. I recommend AAM for everyone, regardless of where you are in your career.

Get it on Amazon for $10.87 or find it at a local bookstore.

Radical Candor

The first time I read this post about radical candor, it sort of blew my mind. It’s not that I hadn’t been practicing something akin to radical candor before...but I had never thought of being direct and honest in these exact terms. It’s a concept I returned to again and again as a manager. And although radical candor tends to get all the attention, I think ruinous empathy is a really, really important concept that we should all be talking about more at work. I think about this quote — “The vast majority of management mistakes happen in the quadrant that I call ruinous empathy” — a lot.

The Mind of the Leader

The Mind of the Leader: How to Lead Yourself, Your People, and Your Organization for Extraordinary Results was one of my favorite non-fiction reads in 2018. It's genuinely inspiring and I immediately wanted to buy it for all of the managers I managed. The main idea is that the best leaders have three qualities: compassion, selflessness, and mindfulness. If you want to get a better idea of what it’s about/the tone, check out this podcast episode/transcript: "Leading with Less Ego” from HBR IdeaCast.

Get it from Amazon for $16.99 or find it at a local bookstore.

Harvard Business Review

Speaking of the Harvard Business Review, I really like HBR and the HBR IdeaCast. (They also have a bunch of other podcasts, but I haven’t personally listened to them.) TBH, it’s not a site I remember to check as often as I should, but I just signed up for a couple of their newsletters to get it on my radar every week. (See all their newsletters.) Here are a few articles I liked/saved in Pocket that you might like:

• How to Cope with Secondhand Stress

• Why So Many Thirtysomething Women Are Leaving Your Company

• You Have to Stop Canceling and Rescheduling Things. Really.

• Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders?

Jeff Weiner: Leading with Compassion

When my friend Millie — one of my best, most inspiring manager buddies — recommended this episode of Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations podcast to me, I’ll admit that I was a bit skeptical. But! This episode turned out to be really great and is worth listening to. (If you prefer to watch instead of listen, there are also videos of the interview.)

Reorgs Happen

Finally, this one is pretty specific, but I love this Reorgs Happen deck created by Camille Fournier. My friend Rachel (a very good manager!) sent it to me a few years ago. It’s funny and well-done and extremely accurate, and I wish more managers thought about reorgs (and, really, any big changes at work) this way.

That’s all I’ve got! But I’d love to hear about the specific resources that you’ve found helpful with regard to management. Since I don’t have comments turned on yet, feel free to email me at rachel @ justgoodshit dot com. I’d love to put together a Part 2 of this post with your suggestions! ✨

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I just love these minty toothpicks

These tea tree oil and mint toothpicks were something of an impulse buy after I saw them on The Cut last summer. I’ve never been particularly into toothpicks (has anyone? probably yes) but I thought they might be useful for moments when I didn’t have time to brush my teeth after lunch at work.

Turns out, they’re amazing! The minty flavor is delicious and using one actually freshens your mouth/breath in a meaningful way. And the birchwood and carved top makes them feel a bit higher-quality than the restaurant supply store toothpicks I’m used to. I now keep them in my bag all the time to use instead of floss in a salad emergency. (One note: the top of the container sometimes pops open, so keep an eye on it or hit it with some washi tape so you don’t end up with a purse full of minty little daggers.)

I included the toothpicks in one of my holiday gift guides at BF in 2018 and they sold really well. They really do make for a good little gift though — a nice hostess gift, party favor, stocking stuffer, etc. — and pair perfectly with a teeny mint green toothpick holder ($7.99).

You can get a two-pack on Amazon for $8.61. I’ve also seen them in some NYC bodegas next to the cache of CBD products. PS They are also available in a cinnamon flavor. ✨

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