The beginner's guide to Bravo

Terri is back, y’all! She sent all of the below info to me in a Google Doc several months ago, and has now generously agreed to share it here. My girlfriend and I took Terri’s advice and started with Real Housewives of Potomac, which is great; the women are very funny and their lives are fairly interesting (especially compared to, say, the women on Beverly Hills), and the show is well-produced and well-edited. Now that we’re caught up on RHOP, we’ve moved onto RHONY, and I find myself saying, “What…is…Ramona Singer’s…DEAL???” at least once a day. I’m loving it! Anyway, with everything going on in the world right now, I gotta say… watching Bravo (and discussing the shows at length with my gf/talking about all of this with our friends) has been helping. —Rachel

There are some cultural institutions so deeply embedded into my brain and psyche that I reference or quote them daily, often without realizing — Seinfeld, Airplane!, Drop Dead Gorgeous, and, of course, the Bravo television universe. I started watching The Real Housewives of Orange County back in 2007, and have missed very few episodes of any franchise since. Sometimes, it feels like Bravo is the only TV I watch, so much so that I (unsuccessfully) tried to argue to a Spectrum cable representative that I should only have to pay for one channel as part of my cable package. Alas.

I know there’s a lot of good TV out there, but even before 2020, all I really wanted to watch was people quibbling over a stolen dress from a talk show or whether it’s OK to get a boob job from a “vagina doctor.” My deep, abiding love for the Real Housewives and their kin is such that when I started at BuzzFeed back in 2015 and was worried I wouldn’t make any coworker friends, someone told me, “Just find someone who watches Bravo and you’ll be friends.” And, reader, she was right!

Since the pandemic started, many of my friends have begun watching Bravo out of a need for addictive, low-stakes TV shows that come in mass quantities. And let me tell you, it has been thrilling to make recommendations and welcome people into the world of Bethenny Frankel and Captain Lee that I have largely lived in alone, save for my mom and sisters and some select pals. So I decided to package up those recs into a Bravo beginner viewer’s guide. Like many things, my rankings and recs are subject to change, but I feel pretty confident guiding you into the Bravoverse via this list.

Top-tier shows

Below Deck S3–present

Below Deck is my favorite, and arguably the best, show on Bravo right now. It’s like Real World, in that a group of 20/30 somethings work together and hook up a bunch, but THEN there’s a Downton Abbey upstairs/downstairs vibe going on because there are super rich people that rent the yacht they’re on, and they usually have their own drama going on. The cast changes up every season, which gives it good variety, but it’s consistently good during these seasons. Keep a special eye out for Rocky, Kyle, and of course, Kate. And Captain Lee, obviously.

Below Deck Mediterranean S2–present

Below Deck Med is basically as good as regular Below Deck, even though I personally dislike Hannah, the chief stew. But! This spinoff has Captain Sandy, a queer female yacht captain! And Season 2 is just absolutely non-stop with the drama. There was one episode I will truly never forget watching in real-time, that’s how entertaining it was.

Top Chef

A truly great reality competition show! There are a lot of seasons, so if you want specific recs, my personal favorites are S2, S6, and S17 (the most recent one, which was amazing but also an all-stars one, so you might not know a lot of the people if you’ve never watched before). I especially enjoy going to the restaurants of contestants, they’ve all been notably delicious.

Summer House

Terrible New Yorkers who rent a Hamptons house together. IDK why I’ve been captivated from the beginning, but it truly gets better every episode for me. No need to make it a priority, but I wanted to throw it in here. I think all seasons have been p entertaining, but it got especially good in S3, after a bunch of people got fired.

Southern Charm S1–S5

These first seasons are high-key art, and include, but aren’t limited to: people with exorbitant amounts of old money, a “hilbilly femme fatale,” a surprise lovechild, a no-nonsense older broad who wears caftans and has a butler… the list goes on. TW: sexual assault (off-camera, but Thomas Ravenel, a main character who has since left the show and been completely denounced, is awful), gaslighting, and a lot of plantations/glorification of the South. I don’t plan to watch the new season because 1) these people are racists, and 2) the most recent season was boring/trash. But if you can put aside how awful 95% of the cast is, watch it, it’s really entertaining.

Vanderpump Rules S1–6

Truly Shakespearean. It started as a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills spinoff, but it immediately found its legs as something entirely its own. Everyone on it is purely terrible (depraved from the beginning, but many on the cast have been revealed to be pretty awful and racist recently, so….). There is cheating, cheating with best friends, face-slapping, name-calling, and quite possibly some of the least self-aware people you’ll ever witness. It’s soapy and trashy, and just like… classic reality TV, if that’s what you want right now.

Shahs of Sunset

IDK y’all, it’s pretty problematic at times, especially recently, but the cast has truly been best friends for decades, which gives it a sense of history I really appreciate.

Now, you may notice—and be surprised by—the lack of Housewives in this must-watch/top-tier section. This is not an accident. Though they’re viewed as signature Bravo properties, they are a massive time commitment, more niche, and IMO, much more inconsistent. The shows listed here have a much lower barrier of entry and feel much more fresh, at least to me. There are Housewives seasons listed below though, if you’re interested!!

If you want Real Housewives

(Ed. note: you do!!!!)

Real Housewives of New York S3–present

There is not a bad season (or episode) in the bunch, but the action really starts in Season 3. There are fights, sure, but these women are friends and have some fun and ridiculous moments together, and some have been on for the full 12 years, so there’s some delightful character development (or deterioration) and continuity. If you’ve ever wondered how Bethenny Frankel got to be the way she is, heard of someone refer to “Scary Island,” or wondered why someone would jog IN TRAFFIC on Fifth Avenue, buckle up. Note that S3 might be a bit of a slow burn; there was a big casting upheaval after that one (for the better), and things get much more loose and fun going forward. But I think S3 is critical viewing for comparison and to get to see Bethenny before she struck out on her own.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills S1

It’s my humble (and correct) opinion that the first season was the only good one of this franchise. Content note: suicide (one of the main character’s husbands killed himself right after the season aired, probably due to what was revealed about him as a result of being on the show, which makes it a really tough rewatch). You could also tack on S2 and S3, but only if you really like S1. The other seasons really aren’t worth it. I promise.

Real Housewives of New Jersey S1–2

Confession: RHONJ has never been my favorite (too many family members fighting with each other), but S1 has a true villain in Danielle Staub, and the absolutely iconic table-flipping moment. If you want to hear someone yell “Engaged 19 times?! Prostitution whore!” then by all means, check this out.

Real Housewives of Atlanta (any season)

RHOA is a good grab ‘n go franchise; it has its ups and downs, but it’s overall pretty entertaining, with highly memorable one-liners (“Who’s gonna check me, boo?”), some great drama (a brawl at a sexy lingerie party!), and some singular stars. Any season with Phaedra is a wild one, and if you like these women (they’re a blast to watch), then jump in wherever and enjoy the ride.

Real Housewives of Potomac S2–present

I was initially attracted to this franchise because I grew up in the area, but it really picked up during S2. Some wild allegations are thrown around, and the cast has a really good dynamic now. In fact, since I first created this doc, I would elevate the entire franchise to the highest tier of housewives. The women really show their lives, get into detail with each other, and still manage to bring the entertainment. (There is literally a parrot named T’Challa on the most recent season, and his contributions to the episodes cannot be understated.) If you watch, feel free to skip S1 (and go back to watch it to compare once you’re finished with your binge).

Honorable mentions

Million Dollar Listing: LA and New York

I like both cities equally. In LA, you get campy Josh Flagg (and in earlier seasons, his wonderful grandma), Josh Altman (blech) and Heather’s romance, giant LA estates, some celeb cameos, and some real cutthroat competition. In New York, you get my love Ryan Serhant, kooky Fredrik Eklund, a peek into some wildly overpriced New York City apartments, and also some cutthroat competition. It’s as much about their interpersonal and personal dramas as it is about real estate, and I love it! You could start from the beginning—I actually don’t think I ever watched the first few seasons of either franchise, so it doesn’t matter—or you can jump in around S3/S4 and still enjoy it.

Family Karma

This is the newest of the bunch; there’s only been one season and it aired this spring. I loved it! It follows a bunch of 20- and 30- something Indian Americans living in Florida AND their parents, and the parents have maybe even better drama than their kids. I really really hope they’re able to film another season, I am invested in these people.

Real Housewives of Melbourne

IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND!!! But if you can, watch it. I’ve only been able to see the first 3–4 seasons and was obsessed, but then they stopped airing it in the US and I’ve been sad ever since.

Real Housewives of Dallas

They’re racist, Trump-supporting assholes, but there were some real unhinged highlights in S2 and S3, if you can stomach it.

Bonus: Canceled Shows I Love

• Bethenny Getting Married/Ever After

• Ladies of London

• NYC Prep

• Millionaire Matchmaker

• Old seasons of Project Runway, pre-move to Lifetime (it’s been meh ever since it came back to Bravo)

• ***my mom dearly misses Princesses: Long Island, but I never watched it. Threw it in here anyway since she’s a real Bravo fan. 📺

🍑

Unscented taper candles? Unscented taper candles!!!

When it comes to making purchases in an attempt to stave off existential dread, candles are at the top of my list — which is actually kind of a new thing for me! It all started when my girlfriend traveled to Sweden for work in early February. In addition to discovering that Swedish McDonald’s is called “McDonken,” and offers “Donken Deals” and “Donken Meals,” she learned a lot about great lighting.

Norrmalms Elektriska in Stockholm

Here’s what she had to say about all of this:  

“I visited Stockholm in February and learned that because it’s fairly far north, you experience regular early-afternoon darkness. Evidently, the shortest days are around six hours, and as you go further north, it’s basically dark around the clock. My guess is that because it gets so cold and dark there, Swedes have become experts in cozy, ephemeral lighting. (See also: hygge.) Even public street lamps were beautiful — soft, glowy orbs. 

In addition to beautiful lamps — think: mushroom lamps and paper lantern orbs — unscented taper candles and candlestick holders were ubiquitous and inexpensive. The candles were widely available in really lovely colors, most notably soft pastels. While I was there, I visited Lagerhaus (basically a cooler, leveled-up Bed Bath & Beyond) and bought as many candles as I could fit in my suitcase. When I got back home, I was reluctant to burn the candles; as far as I can tell, Lagerhaus doesn’t ship to the U.S., and I knew that once my supply ran out, that would be it.

A month or two later, I was browsing the website of Shop Sounds, a Park Slope boutique, and realized they sold colorful, unscented tapers. I bought two 6” pairs, at $6 a set. When I tried to buy more later, they were sold out, so I wanted to figure out if any other retailers carried them. 

Boutiques like this will typically name the designer of each item, but these particular candles were conspicuously missing a designer. Still, the website description offered one clue: ‘Designed and made in Rockport, Maine.’ So, I did a bit of Googling and discovered Danica Design Candles — a candle company based in West Rockport, Maine.

Don’t let their website fool you; the tapers are beautiful, come in tons of colors, and ship super quickly. Not only were we able to order the candles directly from them, in even more colors, they were significantly cheaper: $3 per pair vs. $6. So we ordered a bunch, and, because they were less expensive/easily replaced, started burning them every evening just...because. A new duvet o’clock, basically.” 

The Danica candles are available in several sizes, but we buy either the 6” tapers ($15.50 for a box of 10) and 9” tapers ($18.50 per box of 10). I like the look of the longer ones better, but the smaller ones tend to be a better fit for a lot of candle holders. 

Unscented taper candles were a revelation for me; I’m pretty sensitive to fragrances, so I can’t burn scented candles for very long/too near where I’m hanging out, and I avoid strong candles entirely. And because I was used to jar candles, I had always viewed them as something you do for fragrance/mood first and foremost versus something you do for decor. (While some candles, like Totem and Goober, are obviously decor, I would be less likely to burn them because I wouldn’t want to ruin the shapes.) But because unscented tapers are so elegant and the colors are so lovely, I see them more as a really beautiful decorative item and a way to create a mood. (They are also a pretty good source of light! Imagine that!) And because they don’t have a fragrance, you can light a bunch at once and let them burn for a few hours without getting a migraine. 

I’m also really loving unscented tapers as an (inexpensive) way to decorate for different seasons; this summer, we bought brighter colors (like maize, peach, and antique rose), and are now moving into fall colors (like pewter, honey, willow, bordeaux, and black). Last month, I ordered a bunch of boxes of Danica candles and shipped them to friends as part of a fall care package. (Shout out to my postal scale!) Here’s how our friends Tom and Danny styled the bordeaux tapers we sent them:

Image: @tomgvellner

Taper inspiration

My girlfriend and I follow a bunch of Scandinavian home accounts, and taper candles show up there pretty regularly. Some inspo: 

Image: @danicachloedk

Image: @mariaharmuth

Image: @frollein_herr

Image: @frollein_herr

Image: @cathdelichtenberg

Image: @cathdelichtenberg

Image: @aylagurganus

Image: @cathdelichtenberg

Image: @mosebacke

Image: @mosebacke

Other good taper candles

While I mostly stick to Danica’s tapers, I’ve expanded a little bit here and there in the past few months; I bought an ombré taper set from Urban and recently got two Frau Gold ombré tapers from Casa Ziki. The other ones I’m really excited about are these spiral candles from Kiosk48th; the colors are amazing and I love the glossy finish.

Image: Kiosk48th

While those particular ones are currently sold out, I’m seeing similar candles pop up at a lot of other retailers, and Etsy has a ton of not-quiiiite-the-same-but-still-nice twists too.

Taper holders

You’ll need something to put the tapers in, but taper holders are fairly plentiful in bigger retailers, at thrift and vintage stores, and on Etsy. We’ve collected a bunch over the past few months; here are some shopping recs: 

• We recently bought a couple $4.99 IKEA godtagbar candle holders, which are great — inexpensive, and built to catch dripping wax

• Urban Outfitters has lots of cute options, though the specific ones I have are no longer available

• Target has really nice, straightforward taper holders

• Blue and white wedding china–esque holders are plentiful on Etsy and look lovely mixed in with other, more modern, candle holders

• I ordered this splurgey Hübsch metal candle holder this summer, and Førmprojekt has other options in a range of prices

• I love Kiosk48th’s home goods, and their vintage section often has cool candelabras; I bought one that looks like this a few months ago

• Flying Tiger, which is based in Denmark but has stores in the New York area, has tons of unscented candles and candle holders, so I’m excited to be able to shop there again...someday

• A few days after I looked at tons of vintage red wooden candle holders in this style on Etsy, thinking it would be nice to get one for Christmas, my friend Caroline — who had no idea I had been looking at these! — was randomly like, “Hey I thrifted a candelabra that I think you guys would like, I’m going to ship it to you!” and it turned out to be a red wooden candelabra in the exact same style! Thrilling! 

Oh and Hay makes storage bins ($6–$10 from MoMA Design Store) that are a great way to store your growing candle collection!

The thing I really like about the Danica taper candles is that they have forced me to stop being precious about beautiful but ultimately fleeting items. I’ve certainly been guilty of saving things like candles and face masks and journals for some “special” future use, to the point that I don’t actually ever let myself enjoy them. It’s been nice to buy these candles and give myself permission to actually burn them just for the hell of it. 🕯

🍑

My beach birthday in quarantine

For my 35th birthday last week, my girlfriend threw a beach party for the two of us at home. The theme was “cool 90s beach/shells/Enchantment Under the Sea” + my Animal Crossing beach, which has a pastel rainbow ombré theme.

She went all out with lots of inflatables and several outfit changes (including an outfit for Chuck), all of which she managed to keep under wraps until my birthday.

The morning of, I was sequestered in the bedroom for an hour or so while she set up. At one point, she cracked the door open and handed me breakfast and a bikini T-shirt, and told me to “dress for a day at the beach.”

When she told me I could come out a little while later, she had transformed the apartment with two giant pink shells floats, palm trees, flamingos, beach balls, and rainbow ombré streamers. . There was a beach scene on the TV, “Girl from Ipanema” was playing, and there were bubbles wafting out from a bubble machine (!!!) in the kitchen.

A blended painkiller.

Julia Turshen’s “Happy Wife, Happy Life” cake + “tan lines” Fancy Sprinkles.

I think my favorite detail was the airbrushed T-shirts my gf ordered from Etsy for us to wear in the evening “on the boardwalk.” The T-shirts had a beach scene + both of our names (essentially this one, but heart-shaped). We wore them for a Google Hangout with some friends (where everyone came dressed to theme, another very good surprise).

Overall, it was a lovely and fun day/weekend, despite everything going on in the world right now.

🍑

If you can’t handle me at my Crocs, you don’t deserve me at my literally any other shoe

I am a proud member of Team Take Off Your Shoes at the Door, which means I’m extremely pro house shoes. And the time has come for me to admit that my current house shoes of choice are the highly controversial Crocs. 

I was introduced to Crocs at the age of 19 by my friend Beth. I was visiting her in Chicago and she was wearing a kelly green pair around the city. Her explanation: “Flip-flops are disgusting, especially in a city, but Crocs are great.” This is actually 100% true and correct, but it didn’t take long for me to fall out of love with the hot pink pair I bought. After that, I didn’t really think much about Crocs again.  

But then last fall, I came across some pale blue faux shearling–lined Crocs on Zappos and….……..did not hate them. They looked really cozy and weren’t very expensive, so I decided to go for it. After wearing them indoors for just a few weeks, I knew I had made the right decision, so I asked for a second pair (to wear outside) for Christmas, which my mom ended up giving me.

Feeling quite secure in my Crocs-related life choices, I also recently got two non-lined pairs: the chambray blue classics (I fully intended to buy the mint green and then just like….didn’t??? IDK?) which are for outside, and a pair of pink “freesail” Crocs that are way lower profile/lighter weight for inside.

I did not mean to make a pair of Crocs that looked like my blog; it just sort of happened.

Are Crocs ugly? I mean…I don’t think of Crocs as ugly as much as I think of them as being for children. I can’t say that I think Crocs are particularly defensible from an aesthetic POV. Though a lot of cool people and celebrities wear Crocs, and the brand manages to make them look pretty cute on Instagram, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that it looks hip or stylish when I wear them. I don’t think they look awful on me — choosing the right color goes a long way in this regard — but they also don’t look good either, you know? The vibe, on me anyway, is, I think, fairly neutral — i.e., a vaguely shoe-shaped swath of color, similar to what a cartoon or video game character might wear. 

But also….IDGAF if they are cute or cool!!! You know what’s not cute? Getting a sore back from a couple hours of meal prep because you’re in your thirties now!!! My friend Augusta (who recently bought a very cute lavender pair of Crocs) wrote an ode to wearing comfortable shoes that I think about a lot, and that is very relevant here. 

If it’s not already obvious, Crocs are kind of the ideal pandemic footwear. They are great for long periods of cooking, doing lots of water chores, etc. They can be cleaned and disinfected easily. They can be worn with or without socks and look correct with soft clothes. They slip on and off easily, which is great when you’ve just come inside after taking your dog out and need to wash your hands before you do anything else. They are also very clearly made for carers; when I think of Crocs, I think of healthcare workers and chefs, two tasks that are fundamentally about nurturing. So wearing Crocs right now feels appropriate and correct.

By the way, when I told my mom I was writing this blog post, she told me I had to interview her for it. This is fair; my mother is basically a sneakerhead…but for Crocs. She was into Crocs before Post Malone or Madewell were. She has 20 pairs and counting (!!), and and her collection includes some limited editions. 

“The reason I only like to wear Crocs is because every other shoe I have tried is not as comfortable,” she told me. “I have advanced osteoarthritis in both knees and these are the only shoes that provide the comfort I need for being on my feet all day as an art teacher. The kids at school love them.” 

Some of my mom’s favorite pairs, in her own words: turquoise with SpongeBob jibbetz (the little decorative charms); donut print; black with PacMan jibbetz; pink floral; green with working Christmas light trim; tie-dye; and Star Wars. She also has “dress” Crocs that have leather uppers.

My mom also sent me a screenshot of a message from a parent, who said her daughter (so, my mom’s student) wanted “Crocs with paint splotches on them” for her birthday because she said “her favorite teacher (you) would love them.” The parent went on: “She specifically requested these because she loves that you wear Crocs all the time and she couldn’t wait to show you!” 

In other family clog news, my girlfriend bought a pair of white Dansko clogs a couple of months ago that look great on her. Danskos are a whole other ugly cool shoe story, but I like my gfs so much (way more than I expected to). I might get a pair eventually, but I do think Danskos make more sense as real world shoes vs. house shoes. 

A few odds and ends:

• Here is a good podcast episode about the rise, fall, and re-rise of Crocs.

• I bought Teva Hurricane Drift sandals last summer and love them. 

• I still freaking love these Italian clogs. 

• The essay about fanny packs that I wrote a few years ago feels relevant to this discussion. ✨

  🍑

Duvet o'clock

For the past month or so, my girlfriend and I have been throwing an old quilt over the duvet to turn the “office” back into an apartment when we’re done working. The quilt is not particularly stylish, but it’s really cozy, with a distinct pink and yellow pattern that looks extra warm in the lamplight. I have a phone alarm set to go off every weekday at 6 p.m. so we don’t put off duvet o’clock (or work too late). After we put on the duvet and reset all the pillows, we change from day soft clothes into evening soft clothes. Then we move her computer monitor from the desk to a TV tray we set up at the end corner of the bed so we can watch anything we’re streaming on a bigger screen.

Between the quilt and the “television,” the apartment feels really different in our off hours — it has a “my mom made my bedroom extra cozy for me while I’m home sick” meets a “we’re rearranging the living room for a sleepover” vibe.

🍑

How to start and keep a journal during a pandemic (or any time of major upheaval)

Since the coronavirus started spreading through the U.S., I’ve seen a lot of people telling others that now is a good time to start and keep a journal. Which… sure, yes, if you want to!

When I was working on Dot Journaling, I read a ton of academic writing about diaries throughout history, and one of the things I learned is that people are drawn to keeping diaries during times of major change. (Also, fun [???] fact: when I went to Bookshop to search for Dot Journaling earlier today, I noticed a section called “Perspective on Pandemics” on the home page, and the first book listed was the diary of my arch nemesis, Samuel Pepys.) Journaling is also a good coping mechanism and way to process feelings. And when things are changing super quickly, formerly solid concepts like “days of the week” seem utterly preposterous, and your brain feels overloaded and foggy, it’s safe to say that you’re probably not going to remember things as well as you might want to.  

That said, it’s hard to do much of anything right now, and journaling shouldn’t be another chore or source of stress during a highly stressful, chore-filled time. So with that in mind, I thought I’d share some low-key ideas for keeping a journal during a pandemic (or any bad time), if you’re so inclined.

Use whatever journal you have and will actually use.

Now is not the time to search for the perfect notebook; it’s the time to make do with what you have and will actually use—a notebook you bought but never used, a legal pad, a spiral notebook, Google Docs, an app, whatever. Make things as easy on yourself as possible right now. 

Simply save all of your to-do lists. 

A to-do list is usually a very good snapshot of what matters to you at a given time, and that’s definitely been true for me during our current situation. If you keep a separate work notebook and home notebook, it might not be a bad idea to combine them and just keep one (as so many of our work lives and home lives collapse into each other). And if you keep a single undated running task list, you might want to think about making new lists each day or week so you can add a date for context. 

Also think about adding things like Zoom calls with friends or nice things you’re planning to do at home to your to-do list; even if these don’t feel like tasks, they are still things you did and very much paint a picture of what your life is like right now. 

If a to-do list doesn’t seem like it “counts” as a journal/diary, consider that this is actually very much what diaries looked like until the late nineteenth century. It was only fairly recently that the more “I” centric, “here are all my thoughts and feelings” diaries became the predominant way we conceptualize diaries. Historical diaries actually looked a lot like dot journals, format-wise. (Also consider the fact that “diary” is the word Brits use for what most of us in the U.S. would call an agenda or planner.) 

Save all of your receipts in one place or write down your purchases. 

Your to-do lists cover how you’re spending your time; it’s also a good idea to note how you’re spending your money. You could either add purchases as they happen to your to-do list each day, or keep a running list for the month on a separate page. 

Keep a recipe diary.

I got this idea from my friend Emily, an NYT Cooking editor; she said she got it from Jenny Rosenstrach, who has been keeping a recipe journal for 20+ years. By the way, it’s not too late to do this — Emily’s starts on 3/12, but she told me she put it together a few days ago “based on photos in my camera roll basically.” (BTW, here’s how to search your camera roll by date.)

Just write down what a day in your life looks like right now. 

You can either do this in real time or do it later, writing out what an average day’s routine looks like right now. Make note of what time you’re getting up; what you do first, second, third, etc. each morning; and all the new chores that are a part of your daily life. You could also do this once a week or every few weeks to track how things are changing.

Remember that journaling doesn’t need to involve writing a lot of feelings in full sentences.

When I’m recapping my day in my journal, I use dashes to jot down quick notes instead of writing in full sentences. (I also keep the dash format if I want to do full sentences.) Doing it this way is way lower lift and basically removes the mental hurdle of “Ugh, I have to sit down and write.”  

If you just want to brain dump/cope, consider doing morning pages.

Here’s a guide I wrote about morning pages few years ago. 

If you want a lower-lift/less frequent option, you could email yourself or add to a Google Doc once a week. 

You could use a format similar to my weekly newsletter — what you read, cooked/ate, listened to, bought, watched, etc. And if you want to flesh out your email with more personal thoughts or notable moments from the week, you could do that too. 

Just put together one big March recap.

If you’re feeling like it’s too late to start keeping a journal, you could do one big entry for all of March. I actually did this the other night, using my Google calendar, planner/to-do lists, texts, and camera roll. I was able to date all the events that felt significant (for example, February 27 is the day my girlfriend listened to an episode of “The Daily” that really scared her and so we started sanitizing our hands a ton when we were out in public) and a put together a pretty accurate record of how we (and our friends, and our workplaces) were thinking about the coronavirus and changing our behavior day-to-day throughout March.   

Be a teeny tiny bit less vague than you might naturally be. 

As someone who has kept diaries for 20 years, I can tell you that you won’t remember important context as well as you might think you will in a couple decades, even for things that feel super significant as they are happening. This isn’t a huge thing to worry about, but if you’re journaling with Future You or Future Historians in mind, I recommend it. You don’t necessarily have to write “Today I read an article in the New York Times, a newspaper, which I accessed through the app (application) on my iPhone”... but you might want to do small things — like, say, add, “(neighbor)” or “(restaurant)” next to a person’s or business’s name.

Or don’t, if doing this is too much work and would stress you out!!! 

Remember that a journal or diary can look like anything.

Photos, texts, receipts, calendar invites, memes, tweets, articles, playlists, emails…these are all excellent records of what is happening in your life right now. You don’t have to start tagging stuff or make a huge effort to collect everything in a single place right now, but it’s not a bad idea to be a little more mindful of retention right now. Things that are dated and searchable, like your personal email or calendar, will be there in a few years, but think about what won’t be super easy to pull up later (like work emails or texts) and find a low-key way to save/find them. 

Know that nothing is too mundane or small to be recorded.

It’s easy to operate from the mindset that journaling is a Serious Endeavor, especially during a pandemic. I think that belief is mostly rooted in the parts of history — and the lives — that we’ve been taught to believe matter. 

But the things we do every day — the people we talk to, the things we eat and buy, the clothes we wear, the art and entertainment we consume, the traditions and rituals and routines and trends we create and take part in — aren’t background noise. They are, in large part, what life in a given culture at a specific time is. And no one can know, in the moment, what is going to be “interesting” in 10 or 20 or 30 years, or even what we’ll personally wish, a week from now, that we had recorded when we had the chance.

So if you think that the way you’re spending your days right now — FaceTiming, creating or acquiring masks, getting creative with beans, watching TikToks — doesn’t “count” or matter enough to be remembered, I would encourage you to let go of some of the biases that might be influencing your thinking. “Normal” people’s experiences are extremely relevant to our understanding of history. But also, you don’t have to keep a diary for big picture reasons. You can just…do it for yourself, because you feel like it.

I’ll leave you with something Charlotte Forten Grimké, a black teacher and anti-slavery activist, wrote in her diary in May of 1854: 

“A wish to record the passing events of my life, which, even if quite unimportant to others, naturally possess a great interest to myself, and of which it will be pleasant to have some remembrance, has induced me to commence this journal. I feel that keeping a diary will be pleasant and profitable employment of my leisure hours, and will afford me much pleasure in after years, by recalling to my mind the memories of other days, thoughts of much-loved friends from whom I may be separated, with whom I now pass many happy hours, in taking delightful walks, and holding ‘sweet converse’; the interesting books that I read; and the different people, places and things that I am permitted to see.” ✨

🍑

These Instagram Live dance workouts are really helping me keep it together right now

Image: @ryan.heffington

I’ve been feeling periodically despondent over the past week, and am making an effort to cultivate joy as much as possible. I’ve also been vaguely aware of the fact that a workout would probably be a good idea right about now. My girlfriend recently came across Instagram Live dance classes/parties hosted by choreographer Ryan Heffington; they turned out the exact quarantine activity I was looking for.

Heffington is the owner of the LA fitness studio The Sweat Spot, which is closed for the foreseeable future. (At the end of each session, he puts out a call for Venmo and PayPal donations for Sweat Spot instructors who are now out of jobs.) The classes are super exuberant and fun — basically just moving your body to a great playlist (think: Robyn, Carly Rae Jepsen, ABBA) for 40 minutes.

I’m not a fan of complicated dance workouts or super intense workouts, so I was relieved by how doable these classes are, both in terms of the steps and the pace. The warmup involves some downward dogs and planks that I thought were harder than the actual workout, but the main part of the class is very easy/fairly unstructured/really low pressure. The hardest choreography you’ll encounter is a grapevine, and everything is so loose and chill that it’s hard to feel stressed if you’re not doing it quite right. The whole vibe is very “do what you can with what you’ve got.”

The classes only exist on IG Live right now, so you have to tune it at the scheduled time to dance along. (The next one will be Tuesday at 10 a.m. PT.) It works best to follow along on your phone, but if you want to do it on your computer, this Chrome plugin is helpful.

If you’re in need of a free/at-home/easy-access way to move your body and feel a tiny bit better, I think it’s worth following Ryan’s account/getting in on the next class. The workout itself is really uplifting, and there’s something extra special about knowing that 2,000+ people are dancing along with you. ⚡️

🍑

Just a bunch of gentle ways to entertain yourself without leaving your home

Image: Jonathan Howard Kemp via Unsplash

Hi, friends. Things feel pretty scary right now, and once you’ve had your fill of the day’s (or hour’s) news, you might find yourself with a lot of time on your hands and no idea how to fill it… and that boredom and anxiety can make going out very tempting. (BTW, if you’re not self-isolating yet but really could be, read Your Social Life Is Going on Hiatus and all the links within.)

With that in mind, I put together a list of things to occupy your mind and time for the next little while. (And I’ll update it if/when I think of other ideas!) I hope something on here will be just the thing you were looking for.

To read

The best things I’ve written and edited over the years

The best things I read and wrote in 2019

Old BuzzFeed posts from my team: Terri Pous, Tom Vellner, Anna Borges, and Gyan Yankovich. (And me!)

My Goodreads profile (note: I was adding pretty haphazardly prior to 2019)

Reading list: Pride edition

Just good summer reading

My favorite Ask a Manager posts

PSA: You can check out e-books from your local library through the Libby app.

This also seems like a great time to pick up Elin Hildebrand novels!

To listen to

Here are my all-time favorite podcast episodes

More playlists to have on for background noise, including a new one for March + bonus fun bops

To watch

Jane the Virgin

Cheer

Black Mirror (Just “San Junipero” and “Nosedive” for now)

Our Planet (because Netflix pulled Planet Earth recently)

Ken Burns’ Prohibition

Steven Universe: The Movie

Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé

Pen15

Nailed It

Jeopardy!

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

I Love Lucy

Are You the One? Season 8 (It’ll repair some of the rot caused by Love Is Blind)

RuPaul’s Drag Race

Feel Good on Netflix

To do*

*As long as you already possess the necessary supplies/ingredients

Make delicious use of all your beans and pasta. (Related: Chickpea pasta, lemon butter pasta, and simple recipes to make when your life is in shambles.)

Make friendship bracelets. Also consider this list of creative hobbies to try when everything is awful and you're not okay.

Pour your anxious energy into a tiny home project that will leave you feeling accomplished.

Use YouTube tutorials to teach yourself music video choreography.

Try Yoga with Adriene or a Ryan Heffington IG Live dance class.

Do a puzzle.

Get on the Marco Polo app — it’s a fun/easy way to keep in touch.

Read How to Solve The New York Times Crossword, download the app, and try your first Monday puzzle. (Tip: Doing all the old Monday and Tuesday puzzles in the archives is a great way to get better very quickly.)

Make friendship bracelets. Also consider this list of creative hobbies to try when everything is awful and you're not okay.

Journal daily.

Create DIY/art projects/collages with whatever supplies you have! I’m probably going to dust off my Cricut at some point this weekend and make weird/silly shit with it, and/or make a zine.

Be a good neighbor.

And remember to call/FaceTime friends and family to stay connected, especially if you (or they!) live alone — it really does help! 💛

🍑

How to wear white clothes year-round without completely ruining them

The question I get asked most often — just after “What race are you?” by total strangers in public!!! — is “How do you wear white clothes all the time without ruining them?” It’s true that I have a well-documented affinity for white and pastels; not only do I wear white jeans or pants year-round, I also have all white bedding and towels, and have owned an ivory couch for four years. 

I’m actually not immune to spills and stains; I’ve had a few Huge Incidents over the past five years. But keeping my stuff relatively clean is important to me because I don’t want to waste money (or…waste clothing) so I put some effort into it. I think a smallish amount of practical planning and knowledge goes a long way, and that luck has done the rest. 

Anyway, for those who have asked me what my “secret” is...here you go! 

1. Maybe start by wearing inexpensive items you don’t care as much about.
   I’m not a huge fan of buying things you view as disposable or plan to replace in short order, but I also think it makes sense to test things out a bit before committing to an expensive version of them. If you’re worried about ruining white jeans, for example, you could get a pair from a thrift store or clothing swap and see how you fare using some of the tips below. Over time, you might feel confident enough to start buying nicer/more expensive stuff.  
   
   

2. Wait to get dressed until right before you leave the house.
   If you’re wearing white clothes around the house while you get ready in the morning, the likelihood that you’ll spill makeup, toothpaste, or coffee on them is high. I always take Chuck out before I get dressed for the day, and try to minimize my at-home exposure to food, dirt, coffee, etc. when I’m wearing white. 
   
   

3. Avoid wearing white on rainy days. 
   I actually don’t abide by this tip most the time, but if you’ve only got a few white items in rotation, save them for dry days! Mud/dirt/dirty water droplets are bar far the biggest offender I’ve come across — far bigger than blood or food or coffee. 
   
   

4. Be strategic with your outerwear/layers.
   If you’re going to wear a coat, wear a coat that covers your ass vs. a jacket that does not! This will come in handy when you’re, say, sitting on a park bench. 
   
   I know that Jean Wang of the blog Extra Petite once suggested tying a lightweight jacket around your waist before sitting on a park bench or outdoor cafe, a tip that I’ve never personally used, but that seems like it would work. You could also set down an inexpensive blanket/scarf or something to that effect. 
   
   

5. Put napkins on your lap when you’re eating. 
   This one is so simple but really does make a difference. And don’t just put one tiny napkin on your lap; open a few and spread them out a bit. 
   
   

6. Actually look at your clothes after you take them off/before washing them.
   I don’t bust out a magnifying glass to inspect every item I own after I wear it, but I do do a quick scan after I take something off, before I wash it, and/or before I wear it again without washing it first. In my experience, most stains or just general clothing grossness happens without my even realizing it, especially in spots that are hard to see when the clothes are on your body. (The waistband of jeans/pants and then the first few inches of the hem are the two prime spots, in my experience.)
   
   If you don’t realize the stains are there, you’re likely to skip treating them before you do laundry, and then toss the item in the dryer, thus baking the stain in for good. So making a point to handle and look over your clothes for an extra 10 seconds goes a long way. 
   
   

7. Be aware of your body in space.
   This one is harder to explain, or perhaps to train yourself to do, but I feel fairly aware of what I’m doing with my body when I’m wearing white. So that means I do things like…
   
   - Sitting close enough to a table where I’m eating, so that less of my bottom half/lap is exposed 
   - Carrying my mug of coffee at a slightly larger distance from my body than I would otherwise, so that if it does slosh over the side, it’s less likely to land on me/my clothes
   - Avoiding overfilling mugs of coffee/tea
   - Slowing down when I’m turning a corner, to give other people time to see me
   - Looking at seats/surfaces before I sit on them to make sure they are clean
   - Paying attention to what I’m eating/drinking while I’m consuming it (i.e., I try not to consume while super distracted by a book or a coffee)
   
   This stuff may seem overly fussy, but I think it’s pretty imperceptible to other people, and it probably makes the biggest difference. It’s also not like I’m constantly weighed down by thoughts about this stuff; a lot of it is just second-nature now, and even when it wasn’t, I didn’t find it stressful or tiring.  
   
   

8. Use a period tracker app. 
   Many a human who bleeds regularly (or irregularly) has asked me how I deal with my period and white clothes. The biggest thing I do is track my periods. Of course, it’s not a perfect science, but it does at least tell me generally when to expect it, which then means I can plan accordingly. In this case, plan accordingly might actually mean “wear a pad just in case” which is fine — I’d much rather do that than ruin my favorite white dress. 
   
   I also don’t mind using a pad as a backup when wearing a tampon on some days, and on more than one occasion, I’ve been glad that I did. 
   
   

9. Wear an apron.
   I’ve preferred cooking in an apron for years; to me, it’s just more comfortable and practical than not. (And aprons typically have pockets!!) I will also put an apron on when doing dishes after a meal, or when mixing drinks — activities that have a fairly high potential for splashing/staining.
   
   

10. Treat stains right away, and treat them often.
    I’m pretty dogged when it comes to getting stains out. (Related: my two favorite stain removers.) One example: Last fall, I went to a work event where we were given red “admit one” drink tickets. I left one in the back pocket of my white Levi’s, and then later put the jeans through the wash. When I pulled the jeans out of the washing machine, it looked like a tube of lipstick had been smashed in the pocket. Levi’s had stopped selling the jeans (and they were fairly expensive to begin with) so I extra committed to getting the stain out. It took a couple weeks of a cycle of treating the spot, letting the treatment sit, and washing the jeans in cold water before the stain finally let up enough to be able to wear them again. (I actually gave up when it was about 90% there, and it surprised me by coming the final 10% of the way in the subsequent weeks.) 
    
    Getting a stain out of fabric is sort of a fun challenge to me at this point, but I actually don’t think you need to be that aggressive about stains (more on that in a second). That said, I think a lot of people don’t try very hard, or at all — they toss the item in the laundry and wash it with hot water without treating it first, or they give the stain a bunch of time to set before they bother treating it, and then feel like, Welp, I just suck at laundry and wearing white. So I think it’s important to know how to treat stains and to own the tools to do so. Treat them as well as you can, as soon as you can, and give it your best shot.
    
     

11. But also…make peace with stains!
    I long ago just sort of accepted that spills and stains are a part of life, and that trying to prevent them or remove every trace of them is an exercise in futility. That’s why I eventually gave up when the Levi’s were most of the way there; the main reason I kept at it in that case was that the pants were pretty unwearable, and I want to avoid getting rid of/replacing stuff as much as possible. 
    
    That said, I don’t really take stains personally, and I think that’s important. Spilling something on yourself doesn’t make you clumsy or “not an adult,” and wearing something that has a spot on it isn’t that big of a deal. I know this because I continue to wear clothes that have tiny spots/stains that I am very aware of, and people still always ask me how I keep my white stuff so clean.
    

I’ll leave you with some advice from Cheryl Mendelson, who offered advice in Home Comforts that I’ve really taken to heart: “If a beautiful object has a tiny flaw, some people do not notice it and others notice nothing else. In dealing with stains, the most important skill you can acquire is the ability not to be bothered by small imperfections that you cannot fix. … Stains are not dirt; they are inadvertent dyeings. While dirt should continue to arouse your fighting spirit, it is perfectly all right to surrender to insignificant stains.” ✨

🍑

An ode to my two favorite stain removers

Look, I’m not trying to make enemies in the laundry industry, but when it comes to stain treatment, I think T*de pens are very much a scam. As my coworker recently said, they offer the illusion of preparedness, and not much else. As a lover of white clothes and bedding, I swear by two other products: OxiClean stain remover spray and Spray ‘n Wash sticks.

I have only had a handful of Major Incidents with regard to white fabric. The fist time it happened, I had just gotten brand-new white flannel sheets and a cozy white cotton blanket for my bed. Washing all of these items before using them is a task in NYC, and I was thrilled to finally have them on my bed because my apartment was very cold.

The first night I slept on them, I woke up feeling great. And also like my face was…wet? I was sitting up in bed when I touched my nose, and then looked down at my hand and realized I had my first-ever bloody nose. A beat later, basically in slow motion, I watched big, fat crimson blood drops fall from my face and land on the fitted sheet, top sheet, and blanket. Every single component of the bedding was hit.

Luckily enough, I had just read Home Comforts, where I had learned that you should use an enzyme-based cleaner on organic and protein-based stains, and I had — after realizing that I didn’t own an enzyme cleaner — ordered some OxiClean spray, which was now sitting in my closet. So I stripped my bed, while feeling pretty certain that my sheets and blanket were going to be forever marred by this. I made peace with that, but I treated them with the Oxi, let them soak in cold water, and then rinsed them… and the stains completely disappeared. 

I was sold.

The second Major Incident happened at work. A visitor to the BuzzFeed office got in the down elevator with me on the 16th floor; she was carrying a lidless travel cup of coffee, and when the elevator stopped on my floor, she thought we had reached the lobby. She stepped out, realized her mistake, went to turn around to get back on the elevator, and was startled by my presence right behind her. She jolted, THROWING her coffee all over my white jeans in the process.

Looking at the fist-sized stain on my thigh, I knew what I had to do: marched to the CVS across the street from my office, bought a big bottle of Oxi spray, went to the single-stall bathroom, stripped off my Bean boots, the socks my jeans were tucked into, and jeans; treated the stain with the Oxi; and then rinsed everything out in the sink. Despite the fact that my jeans were very wet — it looked like I’d pissed myself — the stain was basically gone.

So, yes, I’m an OxiClean stan; it works great for everything, generally speaking. However, I’ve recently added the Spray ‘n Wash stick to my toolkit; I discovered it via my girlfriend, and was pleasantly surprised by how effective it is. It even got a faint coffee stain that was years old and that I’d simply given up on out of a beloved white dress. I’ve used it on other smaller stains (grease, food, even other blood drops) and it’s worked well every time.

I now go between the two, depending on the stain, and strongly recommend having both around! The Spray ‘n Wash is small and won’t leak — despite the name, it’s not a spray at all, but a waxy deodorant-esque stick ‚ so it’s a good one to keep it in your desk/bag/locker. (I’ve also used the OxiClean gel stick, and while I think it’s fine, I ultimately prefer the spray…but to each their own!)

Regardless of which you choose, you can definitely be done with T*de pens once and for all.

Get everything from Amazon: a pack of three Spray ‘n Wash sticks for $10.86, a three-pack of OxiClean spray for $16.90, and Home Comforts for $13.59.

Related: How to wear white clothes year-round without completely ruining them. 💦

🍑