Just a bunch of gentle ways to entertain yourself without leaving your home

Image: Jonathan Howard Kemp via Unsplash

Hi, friends. Things feel pretty scary right now, and once you’ve had your fill of the day’s (or hour’s) news, you might find yourself with a lot of time on your hands and no idea how to fill it… and that boredom and anxiety can make going out very tempting. (BTW, if you’re not self-isolating yet but really could be, read Your Social Life Is Going on Hiatus and all the links within.)

With that in mind, I put together a list of things to occupy your mind and time for the next little while. (And I’ll update it if/when I think of other ideas!) I hope something on here will be just the thing you were looking for.

To read

The best things I’ve written and edited over the years

The best things I read and wrote in 2019

Old BuzzFeed posts from my team: Terri Pous, Tom Vellner, Anna Borges, and Gyan Yankovich. (And me!)

My Goodreads profile (note: I was adding pretty haphazardly prior to 2019)

Reading list: Pride edition

Just good summer reading

My favorite Ask a Manager posts

PSA: You can check out e-books from your local library through the Libby app.

This also seems like a great time to pick up Elin Hildebrand novels!

To listen to

Here are my all-time favorite podcast episodes

More playlists to have on for background noise, including a new one for March + bonus fun bops

To watch

Jane the Virgin

Cheer

Black Mirror (Just “San Junipero” and “Nosedive” for now)

Our Planet (because Netflix pulled Planet Earth recently)

Ken Burns’ Prohibition

Steven Universe: The Movie

Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé

Pen15

Nailed It

Jeopardy!

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

I Love Lucy

Are You the One? Season 8 (It’ll repair some of the rot caused by Love Is Blind)

RuPaul’s Drag Race

Feel Good on Netflix

To do*

*As long as you already possess the necessary supplies/ingredients

Make delicious use of all your beans and pasta. (Related: Chickpea pasta, lemon butter pasta, and simple recipes to make when your life is in shambles.)

Make friendship bracelets. Also consider this list of creative hobbies to try when everything is awful and you're not okay.

Pour your anxious energy into a tiny home project that will leave you feeling accomplished.

Use YouTube tutorials to teach yourself music video choreography.

Try Yoga with Adriene or a Ryan Heffington IG Live dance class.

Do a puzzle.

Get on the Marco Polo app — it’s a fun/easy way to keep in touch.

Read How to Solve The New York Times Crossword, download the app, and try your first Monday puzzle. (Tip: Doing all the old Monday and Tuesday puzzles in the archives is a great way to get better very quickly.)

Make friendship bracelets. Also consider this list of creative hobbies to try when everything is awful and you're not okay.

Journal daily.

Create DIY/art projects/collages with whatever supplies you have! I’m probably going to dust off my Cricut at some point this weekend and make weird/silly shit with it, and/or make a zine.

Be a good neighbor.

And remember to call/FaceTime friends and family to stay connected, especially if you (or they!) live alone — it really does help! 💛

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How to wear white clothes year-round without completely ruining them

White stool with a stack of pastel sweaters folded on it next to a wooden clothing rack with white/cream/pink items, all in front of a pink backdrop

The question I get asked most often — just after “What race are you?” by total strangers in public!!! — is “How do you wear white clothes all the time without ruining them?” It’s true that I have a well-documented affinity for white and pastels; not only do I wear white jeans or pants year-round, I also have all white bedding and towels, and have owned an ivory couch for four years.

I’m actually not immune to spills and stains; I’ve had a few Huge Incidents over the past five years. But keeping my stuff relatively clean is important to me because I don’t want to waste money (or…waste clothing) so I put some effort into it. I think a smallish amount of practical planning and knowledge goes a long way, and that luck has done the rest.

Anyway, for those who have asked me what my “secret” is...here you go!

Maybe start by wearing inexpensive items you don’t care as much about.
I’m not a huge fan of buying things you view as disposable or plan to replace in short order, but I also think it makes sense to test things out a bit before committing to an expensive version of them. If you’re worried about ruining white jeans, for example, you could get a pair from a thrift store or clothing swap and see how you fare using some of the tips below. Over time, you might feel confident enough to start buying nicer/more expensive stuff.
Wait to get dressed until right before you leave the house.
If you’re wearing white clothes around the house while you get ready in the morning, the likelihood that you’ll spill makeup, toothpaste, or coffee on them is high. I always take Chuck out before I get dressed for the day, and try to minimize my at-home exposure to food, dirt, coffee, etc. when I’m wearing white.
Avoid wearing white on rainy days.
I actually don’t abide by this tip most the time, but if you’ve only got a few white items in rotation, save them for dry days! Mud/dirt/dirty water droplets are bar far the biggest offender I’ve come across — far bigger than blood or food or coffee.
Be strategic with your outerwear/layers.
If you’re going to wear a coat, wear a coat that covers your ass vs. a jacket that does not! This will come in handy when you’re, say, sitting on a park bench.

I know that Jean Wang of the blog Extra Petite once suggested tying a lightweight jacket around your waist before sitting on a park bench or outdoor cafe, a tip that I’ve never personally used, but that seems like it would work. You could also set down an inexpensive blanket/scarf or something to that effect.
Put napkins on your lap when you’re eating.
This one is so simple but really does make a difference. And don’t just put one tiny napkin on your lap; open a few and spread them out a bit.
Actually look at your clothes after you take them off/before washing them.
I don’t bust out a magnifying glass to inspect every item I own after I wear it, but I do do a quick scan after I take something off, before I wash it, and/or before I wear it again without washing it first. In my experience, most stains or just general clothing grossness happens without my even realizing it, especially in spots that are hard to see when the clothes are on your body. (The waistband of jeans/pants and then the first few inches of the hem are the two prime spots, in my experience.)

If you don’t realize the stains are there, you’re likely to skip treating them before you do laundry, and then toss the item in the dryer, thus baking the stain in for good. So making a point to handle and look over your clothes for an extra 10 seconds goes a long way.
Be aware of your body in space.
This one is harder to explain, or perhaps to train yourself to do, but I feel fairly aware of what I’m doing with my body when I’m wearing white. So that means I do things like…

- Sitting close enough to a table where I’m eating, so that less of my bottom half/lap is exposed
- Carrying my mug of coffee at a slightly larger distance from my body than I would otherwise, so that if it does slosh over the side, it’s less likely to land on me/my clothes
- Avoiding overfilling mugs of coffee/tea
- Slowing down when I’m turning a corner, to give other people time to see me
- Looking at seats/surfaces before I sit on them to make sure they are clean
- Paying attention to what I’m eating/drinking while I’m consuming it (i.e., I try not to consume while super distracted by a book or a coffee)

This stuff may seem overly fussy, but I think it’s pretty imperceptible to other people, and it probably makes the biggest difference. It’s also not like I’m constantly weighed down by thoughts about this stuff; a lot of it is just second-nature now, and even when it wasn’t, I didn’t find it stressful or tiring.
Use a period tracker app.
Many a human who bleeds regularly (or irregularly) has asked me how I deal with my period and white clothes. The biggest thing I do is track my periods. Of course, it’s not a perfect science, but it does at least tell me generally when to expect it, which then means I can plan accordingly. In this case, plan accordingly might actually mean “wear a pad just in case” which is fine — I’d much rather do that than ruin my favorite white dress.

I also don’t mind using a pad as a backup when wearing a tampon on some days, and on more than one occasion, I’ve been glad that I did.
Wear an apron.
I’ve preferred cooking in an apron for years; to me, it’s just more comfortable and practical than not. (And aprons typically have pockets!!) I will also put an apron on when doing dishes after a meal, or when mixing drinks — activities that have a fairly high potential for splashing/staining.
Treat stains right away, and treat them often.
I’m pretty dogged when it comes to getting stains out. (Related: my two favorite stain removers.) One example: Last fall, I went to a work event where we were given red “admit one” drink tickets. I left one in the back pocket of my white Levi’s, and then later put the jeans through the wash. When I pulled the jeans out of the washing machine, it looked like a tube of lipstick had been smashed in the pocket. Levi’s had stopped selling the jeans (and they were fairly expensive to begin with) so I extra committed to getting the stain out. It took a couple weeks of a cycle of treating the spot, letting the treatment sit, and washing the jeans in cold water before the stain finally let up enough to be able to wear them again. (I actually gave up when it was about 90% there, and it surprised me by coming the final 10% of the way in the subsequent weeks.)

Getting a stain out of fabric is sort of a fun challenge to me at this point, but I actually don’t think you need to be that aggressive about stains (more on that in a second). That said, I think a lot of people don’t try very hard, or at all — they toss the item in the laundry and wash it with hot water without treating it first, or they give the stain a bunch of time to set before they bother treating it, and then feel like, Welp, I just suck at laundry and wearing white. So I think it’s important to know how to treat stains and to own the tools to do so. Treat them as well as you can, as soon as you can, and give it your best shot.
But also…make peace with stains!
I long ago just sort of accepted that spills and stains are a part of life, and that trying to prevent them or remove every trace of them is an exercise in futility. That’s why I eventually gave up when the Levi’s were most of the way there; the main reason I kept at it in that case was that the pants were pretty unwearable, and I want to avoid getting rid of/replacing stuff as much as possible.

That said, I don’t really take stains personally, and I think that’s important. Spilling something on yourself doesn’t make you clumsy or “not an adult,” and wearing something that has a spot on it isn’t that big of a deal. I know this because I continue to wear clothes that have tiny spots/stains that I am very aware of, and people still always ask me how I keep my white stuff so clean.

I’ll leave you with some advice from Cheryl Mendelson, who offered advice in Home Comforts that I’ve really taken to heart: “If a beautiful object has a tiny flaw, some people do not notice it and others notice nothing else. In dealing with stains, the most important skill you can acquire is the ability not to be bothered by small imperfections that you cannot fix. … Stains are not dirt; they are inadvertent dyeings. While dirt should continue to arouse your fighting spirit, it is perfectly all right to surrender to insignificant stains.” ✨

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An ode to my two favorite stain removers

Green Spray ‘n Wash stick on a blue color block blanket background

Look, I’m not trying to make enemies in the laundry industry, but when it comes to stain treatment, I think T*de pens are very much a scam. As my coworker recently said, they offer the illusion of preparedness, and not much else. As a lover of white clothes and bedding, I swear by two other products: OxiClean stain remover spray and Spray ‘n Wash sticks.

I have only had a handful of Major Incidents with regard to white fabric. The fist time it happened, I had just gotten brand-new white flannel sheets and a cozy white cotton blanket for my bed. Washing all of these items before using them is a task in NYC, and I was thrilled to finally have them on my bed because my apartment was very cold.

The first night I slept on them, I woke up feeling great. And also like my face was…wet? I was sitting up in bed when I touched my nose, and then looked down at my hand and realized I had my first-ever bloody nose. A beat later, basically in slow motion, I watched big, fat crimson blood drops fall from my face and land on the fitted sheet, top sheet, and blanket. Every single component of the bedding was hit.

Luckily enough, I had just read Home Comforts, where I had learned that you should use an enzyme-based cleaner on organic and protein-based stains, and I had — after realizing that I didn’t own an enzyme cleaner — ordered some OxiClean spray, which was now sitting in my closet. So I stripped my bed, while feeling pretty certain that my sheets and blanket were going to be forever marred by this. I made peace with that, but I treated them with the Oxi, let them soak in cold water, and then rinsed them… and the stains completely disappeared.

I was sold.

The second Major Incident happened at work. A visitor to the BuzzFeed office got in the down elevator with me on the 16th floor; she was carrying a lidless travel cup of coffee, and when the elevator stopped on my floor, she thought we had reached the lobby. She stepped out, realized her mistake, went to turn around to get back on the elevator, and was startled by my presence right behind her. She jolted, THROWING her coffee all over my white jeans in the process.

Looking at the fist-sized stain on my thigh, I knew what I had to do: marched to the CVS across the street from my office, bought a big bottle of Oxi spray, went to the single-stall bathroom, stripped off my Bean boots, the socks my jeans were tucked into, and jeans; treated the stain with the Oxi; and then rinsed everything out in the sink. Despite the fact that my jeans were very wet — it looked like I’d pissed myself — the stain was basically gone.

So, yes, I’m an OxiClean stan; it works great for everything, generally speaking. However, I’ve recently added the Spray ‘n Wash stick to my toolkit; I discovered it via my girlfriend, and was pleasantly surprised by how effective it is. It even got a faint coffee stain that was years old and that I’d simply given up on out of a beloved white dress. I’ve used it on other smaller stains (grease, food, even other blood drops) and it’s worked well every time.

I now go between the two, depending on the stain, and strongly recommend having both around! The Spray ‘n Wash is small and won’t leak — despite the name, it’s not a spray at all, but a waxy deodorant-esque stick ‚ so it’s a good one to keep it in your desk/bag/locker. (I’ve also used the OxiClean gel stick, and while I think it’s fine, I ultimately prefer the spray…but to each their own!)

Regardless of which you choose, you can definitely be done with T*de pens once and for all.

Get everything from Amazon: a pack of three Spray ‘n Wash sticks for $10.86, a three-pack of OxiClean spray for $16.90, and Home Comforts for $13.59.

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Last-minute Valentine's Day gift ideas for the discerning but procrastinating drugstore shopper

To my girlfriend: stop reading right now.

Everyone else: hello.

So, it’s Valentine’s Day Eve (Valentine’s Day Jr. as we say around here) and perhaps you are feeling a bit worried that your Valentine’s Day gift/plans for your partner are not very exciting. Maybe they are even nonexistent! Not to worry — you can still pull this off. Even if you’re reading this on Valentine’s Day, I think you can still pull it off.

If you’re looking for last-minute gift ideas, surprises, or ways to make the day special, and are working with an “uhhh what’s available at Walgreens or the grocery store??” sort of timeline, here are some tips to keep in mind.

Embrace the classics.
Chocolate/candy, flowers, underwear, love letters, romantic movies, love songs, lasagna, wine… these are all nice things! It’s perfectly OK to lean into the things that Valentine’s Day is known for; there’s no need to reinvent the wheel! As long as you’re shopping/planning a date with real intention, choosing things that you think your partner will actually appreciate, and not taking things too seriously, clichés are fine and good.
Lean into the kitsch—like, really lean into it.
Here’s a tip for a great drugstore Valentine’s Day gift: if you must buy something kind of kitschy, buy the absolute largest version of it you can find. A regular heart-shaped balloon? Fine. Nothing wrong with that! A HUGE heart-shaped balloon? Fucking amazing, Several huge heart-shaped balloons? An apartment full of them??? Now we’re talking!!! Going for oversized kitschy items or multiples of kitschy items is silly and memorable and even impressive (buy out Trader Joe’s entire stock of bouquets, I dare you!!!) and I’m extremely here for it.
Consider that fairly small/simple items in Valentine’s Day colors can feel special, especially as part of a bigger gift.
As you comb the aisles at CVS or do a power-lap through the mall, keep this fact in mind. There’s something about, say, really red socks or a really pink phone charger that makes them feel like a Valentine’s Day Gift in a way that yellow socks or turquoise charger would not. When you’re doing your last-minute shop, look for small, on-theme items (like a sharp red Moleskine or a beautiful rosy hoodie) that you can combine with a consumable (flowers, a nice bottle of wine, etc.) to create a really nice gift.
Related: look for solid-colored pink, red, lavender, or white wrapping, trimmings, etc.
Sometimes, the offering of, say, Valentine’s Day gift bags won’t be kitschy enough to feel fun/intentionally corny, and instead will feel kind of sad. In that case, check out the regular gift wrap section, where you’ll likely be able to find plain bags, tissue paper, and ribbons in traditional Valentine’s Day colors that will ultimately look nicer and more considered.
Toss/swap any packaging that looks cheap.
If you don’t want it to look like you just went to the drugstore to buy a gift, get rid of the evidence that proves you just went to the drugstore to buy a gift! That might mean cutting the clear plastic wrap off of store bought flowers and re-wrapping them in a solid color tissue paper, kraft paper, or even newsprint, or removing other packaging that’s not particularly cute/pretty.
Don’t sleep on bookstores.
A lot of bookstores have a game/puzzle section, where you might find something fun/cute/fairly unexpected that your partner will like. They also tend to just be well-curated for gift giving in general (bonus: you can buy a card while you’re there) and are worth checking out if there’s one that’s not too out of your way.
Consider the homemade coupon.
I’m always surprised by how much people love receiving homemade coupons for things like, say, a foot rub or taking the dog out. If you think your partner would be into something like this, here are some Valentine's Day coupons that Terri came up with a few years ago that are very cute! (FYI, the printable versions took a while to load for me, but they popped up eventually.) The more personal/specific the coupons are to your partner and your relationship, the more meaningful and fun they gift will be.
Always give a card or letter.
Love letters are sweet and good and basically free. If you’re not sure what to say or are worried that you’re not a good enough writer, these tips from an expert I talked to a few years ago might be helpful. And if you’re at a loss for words or intimidated by the blank page, embrace the humble list. (“Things I like about you” really never goes out of style.)

Finally, this all might seem like a lot of fuss for “a Hallmark holiday” and I suppose it is. But demonstrable, undeniable effort is meaningful to a lot of people, even if the reasons behind the gift or card are fairly arbitrary or driven by capitalism. If Valentine’s Day is your partner’s love language—and it is a lot of people’s, whether you like it or understand it or not—you should try to show up for them. Yes, you might already show your love for them all the other days of the year… but if that’s the case, why not also show your love for them on the day when they’d really like you to do so? Love and connection is rare, life is short, and making sure your people know exactly how much they mean to you is pretty much always a good idea. 💘

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The girlfriend hoodie

It’s cozy season, so it seems like a good time to plug the Gap Vintage Soft Carbonized Pullover Hoodie, which I’m a big fan of. It’s super soft and just the right weight; the creamy color is perfect; the fit is great (not too baggy/bulky, but not too slim either); it’s held up well in the wash; and it looks fairly polished. I am not really a hoodie person, but I love this sweatshirt.

It’s technically a men’s hoodie—my friend Devin owns two in black (“and that’s not even enough” he told me), and it looks great on him too. But my girlfriend was actually the one who first discovered it; she bought it for herself right before Valentine’s Day last year…in part, she said, because she knew I’d like it on her. She was right; I liked it so much that I bought one for myself! We now have four of them between us. (There was a sale, and having a backup of a beloved item is just practical!!!) My favorite way to wear it is with white Lou & Grey soft pants and cozy socks, or with white or blue Levi’s.

Vintage Soft Carbonized Pullover Hoodie.png

Thinking about this hoodie, the other clothes I’ve discovered via my girlfriend, and the items from the men’s department that I own and love, I was reminded of the 2016 Racked article “The Presumptions of ‘Boyfriend’ Clothes”:

“The idea that men and women are supposed to be certain sizes in relation and proportion to one another is reinforced by boyfriend clothing. Images of heterosexual relationships almost invariably show a woman so small she is swallowed up by her boyfriend’s clothes. All my life I’ve worked to shake the idea that my relationships don’t count because they have not looked like this. But what the boyfriend shirt is selling is that very idea, love defined by comparative body size.

Women wear, and always have worn, masculine clothing for myriad reasons, reasons to do with identity and reasons that have nothing to do with identity, reasons to do with gender and reasons that have nothing to do with gender, and reasons to do with the fact the men’s clothes have pockets far more often than women’s clothes do. I might buy a men’s shirt for a million reasons that have nothing to do with a man.”

Buy it for yourself, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, or your partner from Gap for $35. (Available in sizes XS-XXXL and eight different colors; for reference, I own the size small.)

Related: Hanes tees and girlfriend shorts. ✨

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I would lay down my life for this Hobonichi Techo planner

I’d been thinking about buying a Hobonichi Techo Cousin planner ($35.04) for two years, so I finally decided to go for it this fall. It’s just such a good planner, and after four years of dot journaling in a Leuchtturm notebook, I’m ready for a little change! I ordered my Hobonichi Techo Cousin back in October, and I’m legitimately looking forward to January 1 so I can start using it.

Here’s the deal with the Hobonichi Techo, from the website:

The Hobonichi Techo is a planner notebook created by staff members of the website Hobo Nikkan Itoi Shinbun, shortened as Hobonichi. Techo (pronounced “tetch-oh”) is a Japanese word for a planner notebook. We also describe the Hobonichi Techo as a Life Book; it demonstrates the planner notebook’s versatility and freedom that accommodates every user’s unique personality and lifestyle. It first came out as a 2002 edition, which was created when the members — who weren’t professional planner designers — decided to get together and create a brand new kind of planner that they would actually want to use themselves. There are 18 years of history behind the current book. New varieties have appeared over the years in response to customer requests, and all the techos improve every year based on these requests and feedback. New cover designs are released every year so that using a Hobonichi Techo carries an extra sense of excitement and enjoyment. In recent years people from all over the world have begun to use the techo — there are now over 780,000 users worldwide!

I was able to look at several different Hobonichi Techo planners back in late 2017, and the Cousin was my personal favorite. (It was also my favorite of all of the planners I looked at in 2017, and I looked at…a fuckton of planners that year.) It’s more guided than a dot journal — but not annoyingly so — and really nails both form and function.

I highly recommend going to the Cousin’s About section and clicking through all of the different tabs to see/read about the features, because there are a lot of them! But here are some of the things I like about it, if you’re curious…

Size

The Cousin (the A5) is the biggest of all of the Techo planners, but isn’t huge…it’s 5.8” x 8.3”, so it’s fairly close in size to the Leuchtturm I’ve been using for years. It is the perfect size for me.

If you want a smaller planner, the original Hobonichi Techo (A6) ($20.02) is also good. (You can also buy the original on Amazon.) I actually bought the original by accident because I got confused when I was placing my order. (One way to remember which one is which: the Cousin is the big one, much like Cousin Greg is the big one on Succession.) While the original is perfectly nice (and my girlfriend is happy to take it off my hands), I prefer one with more room to write on each day, aka the Cousin.

The paper

Ugh, this notebook. I just love it! The paper is super thin and smooth and feels so luxurious. The journal also has layflat binding (which means it will easily lay open/flat on your desk).

The cream-colored cover is lovely, and even though it’s super lightweight, it’s surprisingly durable. (I tried bending the corners of the sample one I received, and couldn’t.) You can also buy a cover for it, but I didn’t go that route; instead, I bought a mesh pouch at McNally Jackson to transport it in.

There are different colors of ink used throughout the journal (the daily pages for each month are printed in a different color, for example) but the colors still feel fairly neutral. Also, a lot of the grids and other details are designed to be guidelines that you can only see up close (similar to the dots in a dot grid journal), so those are printed in a fairly light ink.

The page design

So, the big difference between this planner and the dot journaling method is that the Cousin is pre-printed. So, the pages come with dates and other information already on them, and each day gets its own page. There is also a year-at-glance view, monthly calendar pages, a spot for goals/tasks each month, weekly pages (with an hourly breakdown that I like a lot), and then the daily pages. This isn’t ideal if you want to be able to write really long journal entries some days, or to add in a new spread about, say, your favorite books wherever you feel like it. But it’s great if you want something convenient that is kind of doing the work for you, and/or you don’t mind when your journal or planner bosses you around a little bit.

I tend to be way too picky to enjoy pre-designed daily pages, but in this case, they are designed so well and so thoughtfully that I really like them. There’s an hourly breakdown on the left side of the page if you want to use it (but that’s easy to ignore), and then there is space on the right where you can list tasks/to-dos. (There is also a light “invisible line” down the middle that you can use to separate the two if you want to.) And there is space at the bottom for journaling/notes. You can also use the daily pages as a sketchbook or regular journal…like, you can just kind of easily write or doodle over the printed page designs if you want.

Features

The Cousin has several thoughtful/cute touches throughout that I love, including the moon phase on each daily page; subtle color tabs for each month of the year; a mini monthly calendar every two pages; and a “warm up page” at the beginning where you can reflect on the past year/set the tone of the new year. In the back of the notebook, there is blank graph paper; a “Favorites” page where you can document your favorite songs, movies, books, purchases, etc.; and a “My 100” page that you can use for anything you want (wins, top moments, goals, favorites, etc.).

Another thing people seem to love about these planners is that they have a quote on each page. This is actually not my thing, but it’s sort of moot because in the Cousin, all the quotes are in Japanese, so I can’t read them.

Shopping

I will say that the Hobonichi Techo website is a tad hard to navigate, in part because there some choices to be made: you have to figure out which planner you want, and whether you’d like the week starts to start on Sunday or Monday. You can also buy the Cousin Avec, where you get two notebooks that each last six months instead of one notebook for the whole year. And if you want to pick out a cover, there are a lot of options.

Once you make your selection, you’ll get routed to a different interface to purchase, and you’ll have to make sure it’s all in USD. It’s also not the most user friendly, but it’s also not prohibitively difficult to use. And both notebooks I ordered arrived very quickly (especially considering that they were shipping from Japan).

TL;DR: The Hobonichi Techo Cousin planner is super elegant and well-designed, and I am very excited to start using mine in January! Buy the 2020 Cousin for $35.04. 🗓

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Tiny party tip: state your shoe intentions in advance

As winter party season approaches, I feel compelled to share a bit of advice that I consider crucial to being a good host/good friend. It’s quite simple: if you are a shoes-off household, tell your party guests that at some point in advance of said party.

Why is this so important? Well, because snowy/sleety boots are, understandably, the sort of thing many people don’t want inside their homes. Which is fine! I have no problem with this approach! But showing up to a party and being asked to remove your shoes when you weren’t planning to ranges from mildly annoying to a real inconvenience. Like, maybe you wore very bad socks that night, or you aren’t even wearing socks. Maybe you built your entire outfit around your cute shoes, which are now sitting in your friend’s hallway. None of these scenarios are life-threatening, of course, but all can make a guest feel slightly off their game in a way that is at odds with good hospitality. And it’s all avoidable because you can just tell people up front what the situation is!

You can mention this in the Flyer. You can throw it in with the dress code/what to wear. You can work it in during the flurry of “See you tonight!” “What should I bring?” “BTW our doorbell doesn’t really work!” texts in the days before the party. Truly, the medium doesn’t matter; all that matters is that the message gets conveyed some place that is not your front door.

If you’re a shoes-on household, I think it’s more acceptable to say nothing, because most folks assume that a party is going to be shoes-on. But I also think it’s probably a good idea to make a habit of it regardless!

Some of my friends and I have started texting each other, “Is this a shoes-off or a shoes-on situation?” before gatherings, which works perfectly well, and is always an option if your host hasn’t taken this advice.

In general, I don’t consider myself dogmatic about most things I write about. Like, use these tips or don’t! I don’t know your life!!! But this is one thing I actually feel very strongly about. Like, just tell your guests what to expect, especially if that thing is “I expect you to be in socks all night”! Do what you can to help them feel more comfortable and relaxed! It is literally not difficult or awkward to say this, and I promise you that no one is going to be like, Wow, what a fuckin WEIRDO, doing me this REAL-ASS COURTESY like a BITCH if you make a point to tell them this info up front. 👠

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Here are all of my all-time favorite podcast episodes

I recently realized that you can make Spotify playlists for podcasts, which was (great!) news to me. This is so practical, particularly if you want to easily save new podcast recs from friends, or collect/download a bunch of podcasts before, say, a long trip.

After learning this, I decided to put all of my favorite podcast episodes in a single playlist. I believe Terri — who has very good taste in podcasts — turned me onto the fact that episode recommendations tend to be more useful than general podcast recs, and I now have a running list of the ones I love and recommend to friends again and again.

Here are my favorite episodes, in no particular order!

Annnd if you don’t use Spotify, here’s the full list:

Phonology with Nicole Holliday, Ologies.
The Architect of Hollywood, 99% Invisible. (An excellent Terri rec!)
Food Fight, Revisionist History.
My Little Hundred Million, Revisionist History.
Michael Pollan: Conscious Eating, Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations.
Tushy, The Pitch.
Oprah, The Goop Podcast.
Miss Buchanan’s Period of Adjustment, Revisionist History.
We Talk BeyChella, Still Processing.
Sounds Natural, 99% invisible. (Another Terri rec; she knows all the best 99PI eps actually.)
Gabrielle Union Is Fed Up, Death, Sex, and Money.
Hoodies Up, 30 for 30.
Return to Ring of Keys, Nancy.
Cellies, Ear Hustle.
The Pentagon's Secret Gaggle of Gays, Nancy.
The O.J. Simpson Trial: Nicole Brown Simpson Part 1, You’re Wrong About.
Egyptology with Kara Cooney, Ologies.

While I was at it, I also made a playlist of all the podcast episodes that I’ve been on, if you’re interested!

The list:

Episode 27: Uniform Factor with Rachel Wilkerson Miller, Forever35
Episode 69: The Life-Changing Magic of Listening to Rachel, Another Round
How to Show Up, The Nod
Make New Friends (And Keep Them), NPR Life Kit
When Friendships Change, How To Cope, NPR Life Kit
The Surprising Benefits of Journaling, Stuff Mom Never Told You
How Am I Supposed to Make Friends?, Real Simple Adulthood Made Easy
023 | Rachel Wilkerson Miller, Day in the Life

I may eventually get motivated enough to make themed podcast playlists, but I also don’t want to overpromise here. Regardless, I’ll continue update these playlists with new episodes as they come up (in case you’d like to follow them)! ✨

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Cozy potluck ideas

Brooklyn brownstone living room with dining table and fall tablescape

This weekend, I had some friends over to my apartment for a potluck. I didn’t call this gathering a Friendsgiving because I didn’t want to give anyone the impression that I would be making a turkey (absolutely no), or imply that they should limit themselves to bringing Thanksgiving sides.

I’ve never been a big fan of Thanksgiving. This is due in large part to the fact that no one ever really bothers to make it fancy, which I don’t understand. Like, what is the point of a holiday if there isn’t cozy lights, a little sparkle, and an on-theme outfit???? (This doesn’t just apply to the end of year hols; it also includes Valentine’s Day, Halloween, and the 4th of July.) Give me a bougie Williams-Sonoma catalog party or nothing at all!!! I also just don’t like Thanksgiving food very much. It’s a lot of work/stress/money for not a lot of payoff, imo.

Anyway, the potluck went great! My mantra when thinking about this gathering was “do less.” I have a tendency to go overboard with stuff like this, and I wanted this dinner to be easy and fun without too much fuss or expense. Or, put another way, mood over food.

Food & drink

Overhead photo of pasta with red meat sauce and chucks of ricotta cheese in pot on stovetop

I made The Kitchn’s baked ziti, which I also made for a cozy winter party last January. It’s easy, inexpensive, delicious, and feeds a lot of people. It’s also so practical. It can be made it advance, so you still have plenty of time to do the dishes and clean your kitchen before anyone arrives.

I also made Alison Roman’s labneh dip, which was a hit. I doubled it, and I’m glad I did. I also waited until right before the party to assemble the dip/add the oil (which I’d made in the morning) — I was able to get a nicer presentation that way.

My girlfriend made the apple cider spritzes from my friend Jess’s blog. I always love Jess’s cocktail recipes, and these were no exception. Would recommend/make again!

Photo of apple cider spritz and Lager of the Lakes beer on gray buffalo check tablecloth

Everyone’s potluck contributions were great. In terms of recipes, there was a broccoli rubble farro salad (love Smitten Kitchen), a cheesy Hasselback potato gratin (gorgeous and delicious), and leeks in vinaigrette (the unexpected hit of the night).

Decorations

Because I was committed to doing less, I scrapped my initial plan to go to Michaels and/or Party City; the bulk of my energy went to finding a tablecloth online. (Two tablecoths, actually — I decided to set up a folding table my girlfriend bought this summer in my dining room for food and move my actual dining room table into my living room, a setup that worked out very well. In general, I’m a fan of rearranging furniture to make a party work better in a small space.) Because the tables were kind of It, I wanted a really cool and special tablecloth and…turns out, that doesn’t really exist for Thanksgiving!

I ended up going with two gray buffalo check tablecloths ($22.99+ each on Amazon), a dozen mini white pumpkins ($24.89 on Amazon), and two bouquets of flowers from BoHaus. (Tiny bonus tip: go for a floral arrangement with eucalyptus; not only does it look great/dramatic, it smells wonderful.)

Overhead photo of white pumpkins in varying sizes, white candle, brass wishbone bottle opener, and two Instax party photos

Anyway, that turned out to be all I needed! Everything else was just stuff I already owned. One of my favorite things about holidays/hosting is going through the cabinet where I keep all my fancy wares and being surprised/delighted by what’s in there. I’ve acquired a lot of different items (cloth napkins, bottle openers, cheese boards, serving ware) over time, and faithfully sticking to neutrals + metallics for years means I rarely have to worry about the specific items I need matching/working for a given occasion. You really can’t go wrong buying dishes or oven-to-table items in white. (Also, if you stick to white, you can use regular bowls and plates as serving dishes as needed and still have it look cohesive. I also think it’s easier to decorate on a small budget this way.)

If you want something a little more festive, I think tree/branch/wood motifs in white/silver and/or stripes in black/gray/cream/green are the way to go because they work for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.

Also! It pays to hoard good finds from the Target dollar section until the moment you need them. I have no idea when exactly I purchased two packs of dessert plates with a copper foil autumn leaf pattern on them—I thiiiink maybe 2017???—but I was very grateful to Past Me when I found them! The fabric pumpkins I mixed in with the new ones fro Amazon also came from Target several years ago.

Things I would do differently next time

Interior shot of refrigerator packed with LaCroix and beer

Start at 5 p.m. instead of 4.
Buy bigger cups. (This was the one downside of not going to Party City.)
Make the ziti the night before instead of the morning of.
Move my kitchen trash can into my dining room for convenience.
Decorate with/incorporate twinkle lights.
Take more photos. ✨

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Tiny life tip: Name your group texts on iPhone

Here’s a tiny life tip that is both fun and also efficient: name your iMessage group texts!

I always liked this as a general concept, but what I didn’t realize until recently is that you can name a thread between a group of people, but you don’t have to exclusively use the labeled thread with that group. So you can have one text thread named, say, “Saugatuck plans 🌊” with three people...but also just have a regular, not-named, not-plans-related thread with those same three people, essentially keeping the conversations separate so you can easily find the one dedicated to the trip later.

Here’s how to name a text thread on an iPhone:

Tap into a text message/thread.
Tap the > under the name circles at the top of the thread. Then tap “info.”
Tap “enter a group name.” Enter a group name and/or any emojis you’d like to include.

That’s it! It’s just a small thing that makes my life a little more organized and a little more delightful.

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