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My favorite things to do in Saugatuck, MI

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Last week, I spent a few days on vacation in Saugatuck, Michigan, which was delightful! Since I also spent time in Saugatuck last summer and really loved it, I thought I’d put together a list of my favorite things to do there!

Where to stay

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We stayed at “the Cottage on the Hill” last year, which I loved. It’s a 2-minute drive from downtown and a 10-minute drive from Oval Beach, but the real selling point is the lovely enclosed porch, which overlooks a big fenced-in backyard.

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It wasn’t available this year, so we rented “Sunshine Cottage” instead. Sunshine Cottage is a very short walk from downtown, which was super convenient — we could walk home from dinner or from the house to an ice cream shop for a scoop of Mackinac Island Fudge in about five minutes. It also has a white kitchen with a sizable island that, when combined with the right linen shirt, makes you feel like a low-budget Nancy Meyers heroine.

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I’m torn about which house I liked better; last year’s was bigger and comfier and cuter, but it’s a tiny bit further from downtown, and the roads you’d take into town are a bit less walkable. Sunshine Cottage is smaller and had some minor quirks (that definitely weren’t dealbreakers), but is still nice/cozy/clean/convenient. I’d recommend either one! 

What to do 

Oval Beach

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Oval Beach, on Lake Michigan, is my favorite thing about Saugatuck. It’s been rated one of the best beaches in the world (!!) by several different publications. It’s a fairly small beach but it’s never too crowded, even when it’s busy.

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The sand is very soft and the water sometimes glitters in the sunlight. (By the way, the water in July 2018 was very cold, but it was perfect this time around.)

Retro Boat Rentals

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Retro Boat Rentals is a very cute family-run place. You take your rental out on the Kalamazoo River for 90 minutes, where you get to see local wildlife (last year, we saw an eagle catch a fish; this year there were a lot of baby ducks) and all of the mansions that line the water. It’s a great way to spend a morning!

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Since our trip last summer, they’ve added a bunch of outdoor seating and a kitchen/bar, so after our boat ride, we sat outside and had beers and snacks and a truly lovely time!

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They also have these donut-type boats that look really fun (though, FYI, alcohol isn’t allowed on any of the boats).

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Shopping

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The downtown Saugatuck area has lots of little shops, and you can easily visit most/all of them in an afternoon. I don’t think any of the shops stands out as, like, The One You Must Visit, but spending some time tooling around to all the different ones is definitely worth it!

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There are a ton of other things to do in Douglas and Fennville (including wineries and antique stores and galleries), but because we haven’t had a ton of time there/have spent a lot of our time at the beach, I can’t speak to those!

You also don’t have to do much of anything, really! Saugatuck is so gentle and cozy, and is kind of built for easy bonding — you can make friendship bracelets, play games, or do puzzles, and not feel like you’re missing out.

Where to eat and drink

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Saugatuck has a lot of restaurants, and I’m hoping to spend a full week there next year so I can check out more of them! (The Southerner is at the top of my list for the next trip.) But here are some of the places we’ve gone and liked:

Mitten Brewing Company

Mitten Brewing Company makes truly excellent pizza — we went there twice last year because it was so good. Their outdoor seating area is incredibly cute, but you can also get your pizza to go, and then eat it in the little park across the street, which is right on the river.

Uncommon Coffee Roasters

After Googling coffee shops in Saugatuck, I was drawn to this one because their Instagram is extremely gay. And I’m happy to report that the entire place is extremely gay! Overall, it feels like the best coffee shop in a college town — homey, earthy, vaguely alt. It has a huge wraparound porch and a beautiful backyard. There’s also a guy who does chair massages in the backyard area and only charges $1 a minute, which is a pretty fantastic deal.

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The BARge

This place sits behind the Ship-n-Shore hotel, so it’s not actually visible from the street. But it’s right on the water (you can see it in this photo) and the upper level offers a pretty great view. When we went for dinner, there was a live music act that was actually pretty good.

The Dunes

The Dunes bills itself as “the Midwest’s premier LGBTQ resort.” The website and even the interior make it seem, like, clubby(ish), but when we were there for karaoke night and it was incredibly…gentle and chill? We heard a lot of Frank Sinatra, Elvis, and the Beatles. (And also everyone who sang was pretty good?) But next to the TV displaying the karaoke lyrics for songs like “When I’m 64,” there was a second TV playing, like, a super-cut of random foreplay scenes from gay male porn, which was…quite a juxtaposition! Also, the customers that night were *literally* all men and it felt like a very gay male space in general, so that’s something to be aware of!

Speaking of LGBTQ experiences, there were a lot of Pride flags flying in Saugatuck, and I remember noticing last year in the big Saugatuck brochure/magazine that there were a lot of subtle (and not-so-subtle) cues that Saugatuck is queer-friendly. So that’s nice! That said, we definitely saw way more Pride flags than people of color in Saugatuck.

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Oh, also! I spotted McLeod Farms peaches at the Holland Meijer, where they cost $1.29/lb. So if you live in Michigan, you should definitely look for them the next time you’re at Meijer. ✨

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On deep-shallow companions

Image: Eckhard Hoehmann / Unsplash

Image: Eckhard Hoehmann / Unsplash

As I’ve been working on The Art of Showing Up, I’ve done quite a bit of research on the “ideal” number of friends a person should have, and, in the process, have come up with my own theory on this topic: Regardless of how many friends researchers say you need, or how many friends you currently have, I think everyone needs one (1) individual to fill the role of deep-shallow companion.

Your deep-shallow person is the one who happily listens to the most humdrum shit about your day, pretty much every day (and then shares theirs in turn). They let you go on and on about the traffic you sat in, the errands you ran, the minutiae of your to-do list, and everything Sweetgreen did right or wrong with regard to your salad order. (My experiences with the Sweetgreen app — which used to be very bad and are now, somehow, better? — are the epitome of deep-shallow talk.) Deep-shallow stories are both too boring and too complicated for most audiences. There’s no real drama, but there’s also definitely a five-act Shakespearean play, and it somehow all took place in the self-checkout line at Target.

Deep-shallow companionship is the height of intimacy, demonstrated through extremely not-intimate topics. It’s a bond and love that is rooted so deep, it can withstand this particular type of shallow conversation. 

Of course, most relationships include some deep-shallow talk, and occasionally, the first coworker pal you see when you walk into the office is gonna hear your terrible commute story whether they like it or not. It’s fine! But your deep-shallow person is the one who willingly listens to this stuff daily, and also shares their own with you. It’s often a role filled by a parent, sibling, or romantic partner because it requires so much love.

My suspicion is that a lot of loneliness stems from not having a deep-shallow companion. Which really sucks! Because if you try — consciously or not — to make someone your deep-shallow person and they don’t want to be (because they already have a deep–shallow companion, because it’s too early in the relationship, whatever), you probably won’t get the attention or enthusiasm you’re looking for, which just feels bad. It doesn’t mean the person doesn’t want to be friends with you or that they don’t like you (truly!)...but it still stings. Deep-shallow conversations are often when we’re our most relaxed and uncensored and real selves; not having a deep-shallow person can lead to feeling very unseen and incredibly alone.

I share this theory not to call attention to something you feel sad about and can’t really fix, but because I know how how it feels to not have the words to explain this particular kind of intimacy, or describe what it looks and feels like. I think it’s really helpful to be able to name this kind of companionship, and to be able to articulate exactly what you’ve lost if your deep-shallow person is no longer in your life. âœ¨

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‘‘The Orange’’

Image: Kotagauni Srinivas / Unsplash

Image: Kotagauni Srinivas / Unsplash

Today is my 34th birthday! I’m eagerly awaiting a box of fresh peaches from McLeod Farms (truly the Platonic ideal of a peach, and maybe all fruit), which are due to arrive any minute, and which have me thinking about “The Orange,” a beautiful poem by Wendy Cope that I just love. Here it is:

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange—
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange, it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
This is peace and contentment. It's new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all the jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I'm glad I exist. ✨

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A cute little idea for your next birthday

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

This morning I was thinking about the fact that it’s now August, aka the month of my birth, and I remembered a cute idea my friend Julia gave me a couple of years ago.

She said she uses any birthday coupons she receives (like the Madewell birthday discount, etc.) to order goodies for herself online, but she doesn’t open the packages as she receives them — instead, she waits until her birthday proper. Then on her bday, she opens these packages along with any gifts she receives in the mail from her friends/family all at once. (I learned all of this when I visited her one February, and she told me that was the reason for the big pile of unopened packages in her foyer.) So cute, right? I already do this with Christmas gifts, but I really like the idea of doing it for birthdays (and waiting to open any bday cards as well).

Speaking of birthdays, here’s a cute old Terri post you might like: 17 Fun And Different Birthday Ideas If You're Really Not Into Parties.

Anyway, it’s August, I’m finally going to get my free Drunk Elephant gift at Sephora, and I’m going to wait and start using it on my birthday next week! 🎉

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Just good summer reading

Close-up photo of the novel Valley of the Dolls being read on the beach

When I think about the best summer reading, I think of really entertaining books that you’ll enjoy enough to want to binge read (see also: this great NYT article). But I don’t think they have to be pure fluff! To me, a great summer read should feel less like eating a ton of candy, and more like eating a delicious meal made up of of assorted dips, juicy fruits, delicious crostini, a couple of amazing pasta salads, some great Trader Joe’s appetizers, and sparkling water. It’s satisfying and filling (even if/when it’s light), and consuming it brings real pleasure.

So with that in mind, here are some of my favorites!

Fiction

The Vacationers by Emma Straub

I haven’t read this book in a few years, but it’s one I think of as best in class when it comes to light summer reads. Reading it feels like watching a great Nancy Meyers movie; it’s entertaining and goes down smoothly and easily.

Buy it for $9.70+ from Amazon or find it at local bookstore on IndieBound.

Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann

Every summer, I get what can only be described as a craving to read Valley of the Dolls. The book is pure camp and I love it. It also has one of the best elements of a great summer novel: rich people and their rich people problems. I might actually start reading it again tonight because it’s been a few years!

Buy it for $7.99+ from Amazon or find it at local bookstore on IndieBound.

The Neapolitan novels by Elena Ferrante

When I think about these four books — My Brilliant Friend, The Story of a New Name, Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay, and The Story of the Lost Child — I just feel such genuine fondness and appreciation for them. (By the way, I actually didn’t really get into My Brilliant Friend until the last few chapters, but then I was all in.)

Buy My Brilliant Friend for $9.32+ from Amazon or find it at local bookstore on IndieBound.

Middlesex by Jeffrey Euginedes

The first time I finished Middlesex, I felt like I'd just read a memoir, not a work of fiction. It’s one of my all-time faves. Also, I had heard the audiobook was better than the book itself, which I found preposterous but…the audiobook is truly excellent.

Buy it for $9.99+ from Amazon or find it at local bookstore on IndieBound.

In the Country: Stories by Mia Alvar

This was one of my favorite books of 2015, and reminded me just how good short story collections can be. (Also, short story collections feel very summery to me and I don’t know why.)

Buy it from Amazon for $5.10+ or find it at a local bookstore on IndieBound.

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

Most of this book takes place in the summer and it has loads of “classic novel you read on summer break between junior and senior years” energy.

Buy it for $10.80+ from Amazon or find it at a local bookstore on IndieBound.

A Summer Affair by Elin Hilderbrand

I went back and forth on including this one because I think it’s fluffier than most of my other picks…but I also really enjoyed it (and The Rumor and Beautiful Day, two other Elin Hilderbrand novels I’ve finished this week) and I think Hilderband is so good at what she does that it’s worth your consideration!

Buy it for $7.99+ from Amazon or find it at a local bookstore on IndieBound.

Non-fiction

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

I’ve read almost all of David Sedaris’s books, but Me Talk Pretty One Day is probably my all-time favorite; I think it has the highest concentration of David Sedaris lines/anecdotes that I think about a lot. Also: the audiobook version (which David Sedaris narrates) is fantastic — so good for road trips.

Buy it for $10.38+ from Amazon or find it at local bookstore on IndieBound.

Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine and the Murder of a President by Candice Millard

It took more than one recommendation from Terri for me to finally read this book, but once I did, I had to admit: it’s amazing. Like, couldn’t put it down amazing; I’m happy to report I’m now a James Garfield stan.

Buy it for $12.99+ from Amazon or find it at local bookstore on IndieBound.

Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup by John Carreyou

By now, you’ve surely watched or listened to or read something about Elizabeth Holmes, but this book is the OG for a reason. It’s gripping (and way better than the podcasts or documentaries have been) and totally worth it.

Buy it for $12.13+ from Amazon or find it at local bookstore on IndieBound.

Liar, Temptress, Soldier, Spy: Four Women Undercover in the Civil War by Karen Abbott

This book reads like a novel and, despite being about the Civil War, is a bit lighter than you might expect (while still being very informative). If you’re the kind of person who’d prefer to spend their summer vacation taking trips to Gettysburg and the like, this one’s for you.

Buy it for $11.99+ from Amazon or find it at local bookstore on IndieBound. 📚


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Some questions to consider before having a tough conversation

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

I recently read a 2016 HBR article about when to skip difficult conversations, and it included a checklist of 11 questions to ask yourself that I thought were really smart/helpful. Here are a few of my favorites from the list:

  • What is my “secret agenda” or “hidden hope” for this conversation? (Long-term harmony? Revenge? That they will change?)

  • What’s my contribution to the situation?

  • Do I tend to look for problems with this person or about this issue?

  • How long ago did it arise? Is it a repeat or recurring problem? Could it become one?

  • How committed am I to being “right”?

  • What reasonable, actionable solution can I offer?

  • Is this the right person to talk to about this issue?

It’s so easy to come up with excuses to justify skipping a tough conversation (“it doesn’t really matter, they won’t change anyway”)…or to make something your problem when it’s actually not just because you’re horny for conflict and justice. These questions are a good way to step outside some of those feelings and get a clearer sense of the best way to proceed.

P.S. Some related reading: tips to keep in mind if you want to be a better conversationalist + just a bunch of good things to read if you want to be a better manager. 💬

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Two cheap and easy ways to upgrade your phone charger

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Here are two phone-related tips that I’ve found helpful in general, but especially during group trip season.

1. Get a 6-foot phone charger.

A long charger is just nice to have, but it’s particularly useful when you’re traveling, and may not be staying somewhere that has outlets near the bed/couch/whatever. Buy a single 6-foot charger from Amazon for $7.99, or get a two-pack (which is what I did) for $15.98.

2. Label your charger/cord with washi tape.

When you have several people with iPhones staying in the same place, it’s natural that chargers will get shared or lent out from time to time. Instead of attempting returning chargers to their rightful owners based on whose is frayed in a particular way, you can just label yours with washi tape so you can easily spot it at a glance. (I also found it helpful to do this with my work laptop charger and the phone charger I kept at my desk!)

You can get a roll of washi tape in the scrapbook section at Target or Michaels for a couple dollars, or get a beautiful set of 28 rolls from Amazon for $14.99. 📱

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Two tips to keep in mind if you want to be a better conversationalist

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

I recently read We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter by Celeste Headlee, which I really liked. The book has a lot of great, practical tips for being a better listener and better speaker — based in scientific research, and Headlee’s career as a radio host.

Since I’m sure none of us want to turn into the living embodiment of “I am feel uncomfortable when we are not about me?”, I thought I’d share two of my favorite tips for talking a little less (or just a bit more effectively) from the book here.

01. Stay out of the weeds

Getting into the weeds when you’re talking means you’ve lost the main path of a story, and are instead “wandering aimlessly in a field of trivial details.” Here’s more from Headlee:

“Getting into the weeds often sounds like this: ‘We went to Italy in 2006. No, was it 2007? Wait, it must have been 2005 because it was just after I took that job in Boston. I think that’s right. Sharon would know for sure.’ By the time you get back to the real story, your friend is staring at you with glassy eyes and considering making a break for it to get a latte.

The business psychiatrist Mark Goulston says we only have about 40 seconds to speak during a conversation before we run the risk of dominating the exchange. He describes the first 20 seconds as the green light, when the other person likes you and is enjoying what you have to say. The next 20 seconds are the yellow light, when ‘the other person is beginning to lose interest or think you’re long-winded.’ At 40 seconds, Goulston says, the light turns read and it’s time to stop talking.

Take a moment to gauge just how long 40 seconds is. Look at the second hand on your clock or watch, start to tell a story, and stop when you’ve hit 40 seconds. That’s not a lot of time! If you waste it with superfluous detail, you’ll never get to the meat of your message.”

FORTY SECONDS!!! That is…not very many seconds! Here’s Headlee again:

“We can also end up there when we feel compelled to correct the fine print of someone else’s story. Imagine a friend is telling you about a scary skiing accident. He says that after he was airlifted to the nearest hospital, he received an emergency MRI to see if his ribs were broken. You jump in and say, ‘Well actually, the MRI wouldn’t show your ribs. An MRI only shows soft tissues. Are you sure it wasn’t an X-ray?’ You have just steered a conversation (and possibly a friendship) into the weeds.

…

The onus is on you to determine what information is essential and what is unnecessary. That can be difficult sometimes. But if you’re thinking about it, you’re already making progress. All too often, we continue to spout information without consciously considering if we should.

The next time you find yourself providing a lot of detail about a personal matter, take a close look at the other person’s face. Are they looking at something else besides you? Are they stifling a yawn? If so, they might be trying to escape. Forget about what year you bought your first Toyota, and move the story along. Your friends, family, coworkers, baristas, and cashiers will thank you.”

02. No repeats

I once had a boss tell me, “Take yes for an answer.” He was basically saying, I agree with you, you’ve won me over — why are you still talking about it? The comment made me a lot more aware of the ways I might be repeating myself in conversations, regardless of whether the other person is saying yes, no, or something else entirely.

Here’s Headlee on this topic (Italics mine):

“Repetition is the conversational equivalent of marching in place. It’s not interesting and it doesn’t move the conversation forward. We sometimes assume repeating information helps drill it into someone’s head. After all, we’re taught from a young age to repeat the information we want to learn. … These types of repetition [e.g, flash cards, repeating dates in your head] help you to retain new types of learning for one key reason: you’re the one repeating the information. Research shows that when we repeat something multiple times, it ups our chances of remembering it. The benefit increases if we repeat that information to another person, but the benefit isn’t shared with the person listening. So if you’re in a meeting and you repeat a deadline to your team four times, you’ll probably remember it well but your team members are no more likely to retain it than if you’d mentioned it only once.”

Basically: if you’re repeating yourself because you don’t feel like you’re being heard, well…you’re probably not doing yourself any favors. “Often, when someone hears the same thing for a second and third time, they think, ‘I already know this,’ and they stop listening,” Headlee says. So, why do we do keep doing it? Headlee says it’s often the result of wanting to keep a conversation going, but having nothing new to add.

Repetition is particularly noxious when you’re repeating negative statements. If you’re upset with someone and just keep saying, “You fucked up and I feel away about it” over and over again, they are likely going to get frustrated and tune you out — not suddenly have a light bulb moment and apologize the fifth time you say it.

And it doesn’t even have to be direct criticism to make the other person feel bad; even if you’re not saying “you, personally, fucked up,” repeating a negative comment about a situation can still bring the other person down. For example, if your friend selected a restaurant for lunch and then the server was rude, your order came out cold, and they forgot to bring you the refill you asked for…and you just keep repeating “ugh, this sucks” and “I’m so disappointed” and “I can’t believe how terrible that service was” over and over again…it can start to feel like criticism to your friend, who feels responsible for your displeasure, even if it’s clearly not their fault.

Here’s Headlee again:

“Try to become aware of how often you repeat yourself, and think about what might be prompting you to do it. Do you feel like you’re not getting the acknowledgement you need from the other person? Has he or she failed to follow through on things in the past? Are there too many distractions present when you’re trying to have a conversation (i.e., saying something important while your kid is playing a video game might not be a good idea)? Are you prone to ramble in your conversations?

Over the next few weeks, get into the habit of pausing for a couple of seconds before you respond to someone. Before you repeat yourself, take a moment to find something new to say. You can even ask your friends to tell you when you’re repeating something. I had my son say ‘echo’ every time I started repeating things, and after hearing it a few dozen times, I began to break the habit.”


The whole book is very good; I really recommend it, especially if you’re a manager! You might also want to check out Celeste Headlee’s TED Talk: 10 ways to have a better conversation. ✨

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Should you happen to find yourself spinning out, try cleaning your bathroom

Image: Bernard Hermant / Unsplash

Image: Bernard Hermant / Unsplash

Whenever I find myself pacing around my apartment and kind of spiraling, dealing with a brain-on-fire situation — when I’m overwhelmed and I know I should do something but I can’t decide what it should be so I’m doing nothing and everything all at once — I’ve gotten in the habit of just…cleaning my bathroom. Like, I don’t overthink it; I just go and do it. And 15-20 minutes later (which is about how long it takes me to clean my bathroom, despite what I might tell myself when I’m avoiding doing it), my sink is sparkling and I feel so much better.

Why is cleaning the bathroom the perfect activity in these moments? I think it’s because it tends to be a relatively quick and contained chore — unlike, say, cleaning your closet, which you’ll start with the best of intentions and then somehow spend $75 ordering hangers online before falling asleep on piles of clothes — BUT it’s just long enough to distract you and redirect your energy, to get the headspace required to make a decision, to gain a sense of accomplishment, and to basically press the reset button in a panic moment. And because it’s one area of your home that could pretty much always benefit from a little cleaning! 🛁

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