Filtered by Category: Just Gay Shit

Don’t talk to me if you don’t want to talk about “Are You the One?’’

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After several people recommended the MTV reality dating show Are You the One? this summer, I finally watched it this week…and became fully obsessed with it.

Here’s the show’s premise: a bunch of single twentysomethings (who “suck at dating”) are selected to live in a house together. (Yeah, that ol’ chesnut!) Before the season begins, relationship experts do in-depth interviews, questionnaires, and personality tests, and predict the ideal pairings for everyone in the cast. (So, if there are 20 people in the cast, there will be 10 “perfect matches.”) The goal is for each member of the cast to figure out who their predetermined perfect match is. They have a set number of chances to guess as a group, and are only told the number of matches they get correct in a given round — not which perfect matches they got right. If the cast accurately guesses all of the perfect match pairings — again, as chosen by experts — by the end of the season, they will win $1 million.


What makes it so entertaining is that people are horny and complicated and will insist someone is their perfect match even though it’s very obvious that the person is…not. (Because, for example, that person has zero interest in them.)


The real reason I, like a lot of people, started watching this season, is because it’s got a twist: for the first time, everyone in the cast is sexually fluid — so everyone can theoretically be paired with everyone. There are 16 people in this cast (i.e., there are eight perfect matches), so each person has 15 potential perfect matches. (In previous seasons, it might have been, say, nine potential perfect matches.)

I don’t watch much TV and I’m definitely not a reality TV person, but I am hooked on Are You The One?. Here’s why I’ve been loving it so much:

  • It’s an MTV reality show! The nostalgia part of my millennial brain is lights UP whenever I watch AYTO. There’s something about it that’s so wonderfully MTV; if you liked, say, The Gauntlet, you will probably like this show. It’s just such a pleasure to watch!

  • It’s a tight edit. A lot of reality TV is filler (looking at you, Bachelor), but AYTO zips along at a great clip — each episode goes down like a can of White Claw. They don’t spend too much time on the things that ultimately don’t matter (like the challenges) and instead get right to the good stuff.

  • The fact that everyone can be paired with everyone (instead of several people competing for one person) changes the stakes. There are no real “losers,” which is nice. That said, people still are competing with each other (because two people might be into the same person), so there’s lots of drama. Everyone is chasing everyone, which is very fun to watch.

  • Everyone is queer! To be honest, I wasn’t prepared for how remarkable — or how normal — that would feel. It’s kind of incredible to see this group of people — who represent all sorts of identities and personality types — pursue same-sex or gender fluid relationships casually and openly on national television. It’s also so refreshing to watch a show in which there is no token queer person because everyone is queer.

  • The show is fascinating. I was surprised by how many relatable dating experiences/attitudes pop up throughout the season. After just a few days in the house, the cast members are already experiencing the full spectrum of emotions and bigger questions you can expect to see over, like, several months of dating. It’s kind of wild to witness such a pure distillation of dating in your twenties, and the ways in which people want to brute-force bad relationships that they are convinced are meant to be. There’s something about this — and, really, the show as a whole — that feels shockingly real, which I wasn’t expecting.

  • I’m also fascinated by the sense of inevitability each cast member expresses about their perfect match. Instead of going into it thinking, “I need to determine my perfect match to win the money, but I’m free to fall for whoever I want,” they seem to believe that the person selected as their perfect match is their perfect match. (At times, it feels a little strange/extreme — like you’re watching an episode of Black Mirror that’s going to end with all of these people marrying for life.) As a result, they have basically zero interest in strategy (which drives me crazy!!!) and are way more interested in feelings. They are devastated if they realize their perfect match isn’t who they wanted it to be or thought it was, and seem determined to forge a relationship with the person the experts chose for them.

  • The show has surprising moments of sweetness! Two people doing their makeup together before a party; a bro opening up to his love interest about his childhood; a cast member creating a really beautiful gift for another cast member to make amends; the cast gently and lovingly but firmly confronting the person who is the source of much of the drama in the group…it’s all been fairly moving and lovely, which I wasn’t expecting.

  • AYTO is just really goddamn entertaining. My girlfriend and I watched the whole season this week (10 episodes have aired so far, and there are two remaining) and were invested by, like, the end of the first one. On Friday night, we found ourselves jumping around and screaming at the TV like we were watching sports.

An  AYTO  meme my girlfriend made for me

An AYTO meme my girlfriend made for me

My one not-insignificant quibble/caveat is that AYTO doesn’t seem to recognize when reality TV antics/jealousy/“drama” cross over into behavior that I would actually describe as abusive. (I’m specifically thinking about Episode 9.) I remember when Real World producers broke the fourth wall to talk about whether the cast felt safe following a fight, and I think they should have done that in Episode 9, particularly because it’s a show about love and dating, and each episode features a relationship expert checking in with the cast. On a show that gets so much right, this was such a miss that I found it genuinely baffling.


Overall, though, I really do like Are You the One? and think it’s worth a watch, especially if you want something kind of lightweight to breeze through. The next episode airs Monday Sept. 3 at 11 p.m. ET on MTV, and I’m very excited about it.

And if you’re interested, here are some other articles about Are You The One? that do a great job of articulating what’s so appealing about it:

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Notes on Camp (Pride)

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A couple weeks ago, my girlfriend and I threw a Pride party. Pride means something different to every queer person; this year, she and I were both in need of community, friendship, joy, humor, creativity, and something public(ish), and that’s exactly what we got. The party was affirming and special and lovely and fun, and I’m so glad we did it.

So that is what the party was about, but that’s not what Pride as a whole is about (read more on that topic in the New York Times here and here), and it’s not what this post is about! This post is about cute enamel pins, delicious jello shots, and tips for assembling beaded friendship bracelets when you’ve consumed several of said jello shots and are sitting on a very windy roof. I actually wasn’t planning to write about the party at all, but after I got some questions about it on Instagram, I decided to share some details about the DIY projects, the relevant shopping links*, and my thoughts on what worked well. But I don’t want to give the impression that that’s all that this party (or Pride in general) meant to me.


*If this post happens to generate any affiliate revenue, I’m planning to donate it to the Audre Lorde project.

Cool? Cool. Onto the party!

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The theme

We started planning this party right after the Met Gala, so when the topic of theme came up, I was like, “Literal camp? Please, I’m begging you????” (I’ve always just loved summer camp shit.) The camp theme worked out well — it’s summery, it’s equal parts wholesome and horny, and it’s really practical/inexpensive to pull off. (Like, most of what we needed could be found at any party store/craft store/big-box store.) Plus, allies could easily dress on theme without worrying about being appropriative.

The week leading up to the party felt like a combination of Halloween, school plays, and summer camp, and I was living for it. It’s been a while since I got to do a big burst of arts and crafts like this, and it felt great.

The refreshments

We didn’t do anything too special in this regard, but we did make these cherry lemonade jello shots. I tend to hate the taste of jello shots but these did not taste like vodka at all. Definitely recommend! I also made French onion dip using the classic Lipton mix because it never fails, and I believe in giving people what they want!

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The decorations

We kept the decor very low-key overall, and bought everything from Michaels and Party City. Early on, we talked about doing more in terms of decor, but it wasn’t logistically possible and it wouldn’t have been worth it anyway. As someone who always wants to do The Most (I take after my mom in this regard!), it was nice to give myself permission to just…not.

We did spend a not-insignificant amount of time at Party City on 14th Street trying to figure out the exact right combination of colored cups for our rainbow. (They stock…way more options than you might think?!) I think every single color was in our cart briefly at some point, but honestly, it was worth it. And the coral cups we found on a Pantone Color of the Year display at the last minute really pulled their weight. Also, the Pendleton-knockoff blanket my girlfriend found in the back of her closet two days before the party made a great second tablecloth. We also bought glow sticks and bubbles, and asked a friend to bring her Instax camera.

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The pennants

My girlfriend suggested we make collegiate-style pennants as part of the decor, and I had made some in the past and thought it would be a good low-lift option for this party! This project was mostly just a treat for me, and an excuse to dust off my beloved Cricut (gifted to me years ago). The pennant slogans were Gal Pals, Gay!, Bottoms, We’re Tops!, Both Teams, Pride, and Horny. And you might not be able to tell from the photos, but the lettering was glittery/holographic. 

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The pronoun koozies

I decided to buy a set of 12 solid colored koozies on Amazon during one of our big party purchases, thinking they’d be cute/colorful/festive, and that maybe I could add some fun text onto them. The colors were a bit disappointing IRL — like, a third of them were really muddy — so I decided to buy a second 12-pack of all lavender koozies, which were perfect, especially alongside the brighter colors. I really wanted to Cricut some kind of word or phrase onto them, but I knew whatever I went with would have to be really short to fit/be legible. Meanwhile, we’d had a difficult time finding pronoun stickers or temporary tattoos in time for the party. It was my girlfriend’s idea to just put the pronouns on the koozies, and it felt like a win-win. (I also left several blank so there were options.)

For reasons too boring and complicated to get into here, I had a bunch of unexpected trouble with the iron-on vinyl at first, so these projects could have looked a lot better, but I think they still looked pretty OK! The rainbow holographic vinyl is really special and looked so beautiful on the koozies IRL, and I’m excited to use it on other projects! (Oh, and if you’re wondering, that font is Corben Bold.)

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The friendship bracelets

This was also my girlfriend’s idea, and I was all for it, as I love friendship bracelets. I’m also a big fan of having some sort of activity at every party that’s neither drinking nor dancing. We had a bunch of embroidery floss for braided bracelets at the ready, but — perhaps unsurprisingly — everyone wanted to make letter bead bracelets that said things like “horny” and “butthole” and “Kirstie Alley” instead.


Here’s what I will say: I spent my evenings the week leading up to the party making beaded bracelets for my girlfriend and I and for some of my close friends, because I wanted to get good at it before we unleashed them on the world. And it turns out, this was the right move — letter bead bracelets are surprisingly fussy! For starters, you can’t put most letter beads on embroidery floss (it’s too thick), and working with the elastic cord definitely takes some getting used to. And you need to have some kind of stopper on the string when you are adding the beads so they don’t fall off. Also, if people fuck up when tying a completed bead bracelet, it’ll break. They’ll have wasted all that time and energy making a bracelet, and you’ll end up with beads everywhere, which no one wants. In our case, I ended up printing out a bunch of tips for making the beaded bracelets + an image of how to tie them in case I wasn’t around to do it, which felt a tiny bit extra but turned out to be a good idea. Another tip: keep all of the supplies on large tray to help avoid a major bead incident and to make cleanup easier. (The tray was also very helpful when I was working on the bracelets in the apartment.) And don’t ignore the advice to pre-stretch the cord, and to reinforce the knot with super glue.


That said, it was completely worth the effort because the bracelets were cute and funny and fun and very photogenic. And a lot more people than I was expecting to made bracelets, which made me happy! But it’s not the kind of thing we could have just decided to do a day before and had it work.

Tutorials I used:

Shopping list:

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The outfits

Our guests showed up in a range of great on-theme looks that included “slutty Boy Scout,” a Smokey Bear–style uniform and hat, and an extremely minor character in The Parent Trap. There were also lots of good neckerchiefs and accessories, and everyone looked so summery and cute! (We also bought a pack of 12 neckerchiefs in solid colors in case anyone was feeling stressed about what to wear.) 


For our part, my girlfriend and I decided to bring Big Camp Counselor Energy. (TBH, I think I bring that energy…most days.)


I wore a light blue ringer tee, mustard yellow dolphin shorts with a pastel rainbow patch, a rainbow striped bandanna, my sparkle emoji pin, and my National Parks–inspired rainbow pin that says “This land was made for you and me.” (This pin makes me and also everyone who reads it surprisingly emotional???) And I wore striped camp socks and my blue Crocinstocks from Freedom Moses. My girlfriend’s outfit was essentially the same, but she had a mustard yellow ringer tee, lavender shorts, lavender slides, and her own enamel pins. And we both had gold whistles, plus friendship bracelets we made ourselves that matched our own personal aesthetics.

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I also went to Sephora for a makeup mini the day of, which is a free thing anyone can do! You just have to book ahead (go here, and then filter by “services”) and they’ll do a 15-minute makeup application of your choosing (so, in my case, eye makeup and fake lashes). It was nice to not have to worry about it, and meant I didn’t have to buy the incredibly beautiful $40 Tarte palette for just a single use of that amazing gold glittery shadow.

Shopping list: 

One final thing…

I’ve written before about how much I love The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, and once again, it really came in handy! We put so much of the advice from the book into practice for this party, including pre-game your guests, don’t be a chill host, and don’t end a funeral with logistics. But the tip that really served us was setting a purpose for the gathering. Doing that back in May was really helpful, and it meant we knew exactly what a “good” party would feel like. It was just a great night all around, and everyone who came really showed up for us. It was all really special, and I just feel so happy and grateful right now! ☀️

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Reading list: Pride edition

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

In honor of Pride Month, I put together this list of the best and most memorable content about the many shades of LGBTQ2IA identity, lived experience, and history that I’ve read over the past several years. It’s a mix (in no particular order!) of moving, funny, sweet, sad, infuriating, and informative content, and is meant for both queer folks and allies.

First person/essays

“You Girls Having Fun?”, Eater.

A Modest Proposal, David Sedaris for The New Yorker.

Planning For A Future We Can Actually Imagine, BuzzFeed.

The Catastrophist, or: On coming out as trans at 37, Vox.

My Wife and I Are (Both) Pregnant + A Year Ago I Had a Baby. So Did My Wife., New York Magazine.

Introducing My Parents To My Boyfriend Meant Introducing Them To Me, BuzzFeed.

I Fell In Love With The First Girl I Dated After Coming Out, BuzzFeed.

Harry Potter and the Secret Gay Love Story, The Paris Review.

The best $6,250 I ever spent: top surgery, Vox.

No, We Won’t Sandwich the Bride: On Handling Gay Tokenism, The Toast.

My Queer Skincare Secrets, Gay Magazine.

Being Queer Means I’ll Never Stop Coming Out, BuzzFeed.

I Got Kicked Out Of A YMCA Locker Room — Twice — Because I’m Trans, BuzzFeed.

I Thought My Immigrant Mother Would Never Accept My Queerness. I Was Wrong., Bitch.

Falling in Love with My Transgender Husband, Marie Claire.

I Dress ‘Straight’ to Protect My Clients, Racked.

How I Divorced My Husband of 5 Years, Came Out at 28, and Married a Woman, A Practical Wedding.

This Is What It’s Like When Your Dad Comes Out To You, BuzzFeed.

When I couldn’t tell the world I wanted to transition, I went to Dressbarn, Vox.

Now We Have Seen The Epitome of Anti-Gay Hatred, Gawker.

Please Don’t Stop the Music, The Nation.

Only When I’m Dancing Can I Feel This Free, MTV.

After Transitioning, No One Calls Me Fat Anymore, BuzzFeed.

Could The Baby-Sitters Club Have Been More Gay?, The Paris Review.

A Love Letter To All My Gay Firsts, BuzzFeed.

‘Mallory Is Not Gone’: Daniel Mallory Ortberg on Coming Out As Trans, The Cut.

How I Learned the Craft of Going on Dates with Girls, Catapult.

How to Draw a Horse, The New Yorker.

Advice & service

‘My Parents Still Won’t Accept That I’m Gay!’, The Cut.

Ask Polly: Why Do People Always Think I'm Gay?, The Awl.

#1194: “I’m moving in with my girlfriend and now my homophobic parents want to disown me.”, Captain Awkward.

Coming Out As Gay In Elementary School, BuzzFeed.

I Don’t Know What My ‘Label’ Is. Can I Be in the LGBTQ+ Community?, Out.

19 Insanely Useful Makeup Tips For Trans Women, BuzzFeed.

Incomplete list of books by black trans women, Queer Book Club.

55 Things That Helped LGBT People When They Were Coming Out, BuzzFeed.

Navigating LGBTQ issues at work: an open thread, Ask a Manager.

100 Easy Ways to Make the World Better for Trans People, Vice.

#453: Guest Post: How Do I Come Out to My Mom?, Captain Awkward.

#978: “If you were a ten-year-old boy who just told your mom you’re gay, what would you want her to say?”, Captain Awkward.

The BuzzFeed Style Guide LGBT section.

News, culture, and history

The Woman Who Cared for Hundreds of Abandoned Gay Men Dying of AIDS, Out.

When Brooklyn Was Queer: A History by Hugh Ryan (available from Amazon and through local bookstores via IndieBound).

Black, queer, feminist, erased from history: Meet the most important legal scholar you've likely never heard of, Salon.

How an Ad Campaign Made Lesbians Fall in Love with Subaru, Priceonomics.

The Bittersweet Beauty of Adam Rippon, Vanity Fair.

No, Queer Women Aren't "Just Experimenting", BuzzFeed.

The Complicated Appeal Of Celesbian Gossip, BuzzFeed.

Who’s Afraid of Gender-Neutral Bathrooms?, The New Yorker.

Queer Eye’s “Black Girl Magic” Is the Blackest, Gayest, Most Moving TV Episode of 2019, Autostraddle.

Carly Rae Jepsen's 'Boy Problems' Is a Beautiful Gay Song of Discovery, Jezebel.

“This Is Us” Breaks New Ground With Tess Pearson’s Coming Out Storyline, Autostraddle.

Beyond The Favourite: The Royal Family's Very Queer History, Town & Country.

How—and Why—Did Fruitcake Become a Slur?, Food52.

Podcast episodes

The Pentagon's Secret Gaggle of Gays, Nancy.

Return to Ring of Keys, Nancy.

Bi Bi Bi, Call Your Girlfriend.

(Both of those Nancy eps made me weep, BTW!)

Fun shit

16 Vintage “Gay” Advertisements That Are Funny Now That “Gay” Means “GAY”, Autostraddle.

An Important Look At Gal Pals Throughout History, BuzzFeed.

21 Pure Tumblr Posts About How Beautiful Women Are, BuzzFeed.

The Internet Has Made The Babadook Our New Queer Icon And Just, Yes, BuzzFeed.

34 Times Tumblr Taught You Everything You Need To Know About Bisexuality, BuzzFeed.

Space Is Gay And I Will Prove It With Science, BuzzFeed.

Baby-Sitters Club Creator Ann M. Martin is Queer, How Did I Not Know This, Autostraddle.

American Girl Dolls Ranked In Order of Gayness, The Niche.

Everyone Wants Rachel Weisz to Dominate Them, The Cut.

“Snesbians”.


Happy reading! 🌈

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Just Good Shit: 06.02.19

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Image: Kiyana Salkeld / Just Good Shit

Hello and happy June! ICYMI, I shared some ~ personal news ~ this week in honor of Pride, which felt scary but also good! I really appreciated the genuinely joyful and deeply kind messages I got in response — it really does mean a lot.

The best part — aside from the fact that I can now be unrepentantly queer on the Internet and also stop posting the bulk of my Instagram Stories to “Close Friends” (RIP) — is the number of messages I got from people who had similar experiences to mine. I knew I was far from the only person who had dated or been married to a man and then started dating women. (In fact, knowing I wasn’t the only one was what made it possible for me to follow my heart when I first realized I had a crush last year!) But still. It was lovely and humbling and special to hear it from so many people I “know,” especially on the first day of Pride. I hope we are getting closer to a world in which we are all allowed to be open, to be truly seen, to feel a little less alone, to be a little more OK.

Here’s what else I had going on…

On the blog

Reading

An Alabama Woman Got Pregnant While In Jail. She Has No Memory of Having Sex., The Appeal.

Olivia Wilde, Director: ‘Too Old to Play Dumb Anymore’, The New York Times.

Murder, They Wrote, Bookforum.
My Favorite Murder isn’t personally my cup of tea, but I thought this was a really good and thoughtful article.

Everything you know about hyenas is wrong — these animals are fierce, social and incredibly smart, TED.
Holy shit????

How Beanie Feldstein Made It to the Party, Vulture.

These Millennials Got New Roommates. They’re Nuns., The New York Times.

Nicolás Medina Mora with thoughts on / tips for Americans vacationing in Mexico.

I think my bad personality is sabotaging my good work, Ask a Manager.

Why Are We So Obsessed With Being "Spontaneous"?, Man Repeller.
“Being the purveyor of a good plan brings with it the delectable delight of being able to look forward to things. There’s something tantalizingly pleasing about peeking at your diary and seeing all the treats you have lined up.” It me!

I Can’t Hate My Body if I Love Hers, The New York Times.

Why Tracy Flick Is Still Inescapable, Vanity Fair.

How to Be Happy? A Nearly 90-Year-Old Has Some Advice, Glamour.

What Every Successful Person Knows, But Never Says, James Clear.

IT’S MOTHEREFFING WEDDING SEASON AGAIN, SO LET’S CHAT, Captain Awkward.

Watching

This video of a deeply upsetting police interaction.

Also: Booksmart, which I loved! (Except for the ending to the Jessica Williams storyline, which is so bad, it’s genuinely bizarre? I have SO many questions!!!) Also Election, which I haven’t seen in like a decade, and the first episode of Gentleman Jack on HBO. And the Muses from Hercules.


Buying

Last week, I bought Fenty concealer ($26 at Sephora) — my first-ever Fenty product — and it’s SO GOOD, holy shit? I’m angry I didn’t try it sooner.

NYC

I went to Brooklyn Museum’s First Saturday last night, which was good, wholesome fun. If you get a chance to check out the Stonewall exhibit, do — it’s worth it solely for the centerpiece on Stormé DeLaverie.


Have a great Sunday! 🌈

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